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errant_janeI am tired, internets. I don't want to pack anymore!! I woke up at like 3 a.m. last night worrying about my to-do list. UNACCEPTABLE. Today I crossed off "worry about work bs" because I am done with it. The woman I'm training is far and away the most obnoxious, passive-aggressive, wanky, shit-stirring troll I've ever met IRL. Every time she talks to me, I think, "Bitch, please. I'm in fandom. I will not rise to your wank-bait."
She drives me up a wall, but I think I've reached a new level of Zen about it: What she doesn't learn in the time I have to teach her, she'll have to figure out on her own. Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility is trumped by Not My Fucking Problem Anymore.
In the meantime, I am focusing on my Happy Thoughts!
Things That Make Me Happy:
This Vid:
It is seriously one of my favorite vids ever! ♥ I actually downloaded the song and put it on my ipod this weekend, so I've been listening to it on my commute. This makes me happy because it makes me think of a) The first![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
wincon, b) Sam's stupid* face and how much I love it, and c) How much Dean loves Sam's stupid face.
Which brings me to my next Happy Thing:
SAMANDDEANSAMANDDEANSAMANDDEAN!!! \o/ ♥
Ummmm, I've mentioned I'm doing a series rewatch, y? Funny story, when I came back to fandom, I was all, "Oh, I don't ship Sam/Dean anymore. Doop di doop." Who was I kidding? I've never shipped anything so hard as I ship Sam/Dean. Though, they do totally fit in with my previous ships in what appeals to me (Xena/Ares, Duncan/Methos, Clark/Lex).
It's not a love/hate thing, you see. It's more of a "Intense emotional bond and unrealistic expectations for each other that nobody can live up to and when the other person inevitably lets you down you want to walk away but who the fuck are you kidding? There's no way you can ever actually walk away from them, so where does that leave you?" sort of thing. (Guess when I stopped watching SV – ha!) Please note: this is not something I would look for in RL relationships, but in fiction it works for me hard.
Anyway, Sam and Dean push every single button I have wrt this dynamic. I can't quit them! They are my OTP to end all OTPs!
In that vein, if I could vid, I would totally make a Sam/Dean vid to Lifehouse's Sick Cycle Carousel**. More specifically, I would make a Sam POV vid that goes through Swan's Song about all the questionable choices he's made in his love for Dean (lots of clips of the various times Dean's died, Lucifer!Sam, Sam exorcising demons, etc). I have this whole ~*~vision~*~ of it in my head. SHARE MY VISION, INTERNETS! Lyrics under the cut for anyone who cares.
Sick Cycle Carousel:
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time
'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
I try to earn my way
I try to tame this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this
So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
And i try to earn my way
I try to tame this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this,
So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this
Sick cycle carousel
Mostly I like the idea because I think fandom tends to forget that the crazy-intense soulmate erotic co-dependent love cuts both ways and that Sam is as effed up over Dean as Dean is over Sam. Hi, I could write you an essay on Sam's love for Dean!Go ahead, ask me my thoughts on yaoi!
This is what I think of to keep from thinking of all the things that are stressing me out. As a coping mechanism, it doesn't suck.
For my next procrastination post, I will be answering five things meme questions. Ask me things! I have a lot of procrastinating to do in the coming weeks!
* By "stupid" I mean "ridiculously adorable", of course.
** This is the other song that I downloaded this weekend that I can't stop listening to. It's just so AWESOME and PERFECT and THEM!! I am very easy to please sometimes.
She drives me up a wall, but I think I've reached a new level of Zen about it: What she doesn't learn in the time I have to teach her, she'll have to figure out on her own. Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility is trumped by Not My Fucking Problem Anymore.
In the meantime, I am focusing on my Happy Thoughts!
Things That Make Me Happy:
This Vid:
It is seriously one of my favorite vids ever! ♥ I actually downloaded the song and put it on my ipod this weekend, so I've been listening to it on my commute. This makes me happy because it makes me think of a) The first
wincon, b) Sam's stupid* face and how much I love it, and c) How much Dean loves Sam's stupid face.Which brings me to my next Happy Thing:
SAMANDDEANSAMANDDEANSAMANDDEAN!!! \o/ ♥
Ummmm, I've mentioned I'm doing a series rewatch, y? Funny story, when I came back to fandom, I was all, "Oh, I don't ship Sam/Dean anymore. Doop di doop." Who was I kidding? I've never shipped anything so hard as I ship Sam/Dean. Though, they do totally fit in with my previous ships in what appeals to me (Xena/Ares, Duncan/Methos, Clark/Lex).
It's not a love/hate thing, you see. It's more of a "Intense emotional bond and unrealistic expectations for each other that nobody can live up to and when the other person inevitably lets you down you want to walk away but who the fuck are you kidding? There's no way you can ever actually walk away from them, so where does that leave you?" sort of thing. (Guess when I stopped watching SV – ha!) Please note: this is not something I would look for in RL relationships, but in fiction it works for me hard.
Anyway, Sam and Dean push every single button I have wrt this dynamic. I can't quit them! They are my OTP to end all OTPs!
In that vein, if I could vid, I would totally make a Sam/Dean vid to Lifehouse's Sick Cycle Carousel**. More specifically, I would make a Sam POV vid that goes through Swan's Song about all the questionable choices he's made in his love for Dean (lots of clips of the various times Dean's died, Lucifer!Sam, Sam exorcising demons, etc). I have this whole ~*~vision~*~ of it in my head. SHARE MY VISION, INTERNETS! Lyrics under the cut for anyone who cares.
Sick Cycle Carousel:
If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time
'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
I try to earn my way
I try to tame this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this
So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
'Cause I try to climb your steps
I try to chase you down
I try to see how low I can get down to the ground
And i try to earn my way
I try to tame this mind
You better believe that I am trying to beat this,
So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this
Sick cycle carousel
Mostly I like the idea because I think fandom tends to forget that the crazy-intense soulmate erotic co-dependent love cuts both ways and that Sam is as effed up over Dean as Dean is over Sam. Hi, I could write you an essay on Sam's love for Dean!
This is what I think of to keep from thinking of all the things that are stressing me out. As a coping mechanism, it doesn't suck.
For my next procrastination post, I will be answering five things meme questions. Ask me things! I have a lot of procrastinating to do in the coming weeks!
* By "stupid" I mean "ridiculously adorable", of course.
** This is the other song that I downloaded this weekend that I can't stop listening to. It's just so AWESOME and PERFECT and THEM!! I am very easy to please sometimes.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 01:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 01:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 02:10 am (UTC)We could work out some vid-to-fic exchange
YOU VILE, VILE TEMPTRESS! I would love to work on this, but I still have an overdue Sweet Charity vid to make and a collaboration vid with
FU, REAL JOB! YOU'RE GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY FANARTS :P
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 02:23 am (UTC)OIC how you are with your "priorities". ;D (Though when you put it that way, I have stuff I still owe people, too. OMG, fail, self!)
How about let's say it's an open-ended offer? Considering the next month for me is taken up with packing and moving anyway, there's no real urgency there. And clearly my obsessions are long-lasting.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 02:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-02 12:01 am (UTC)I try and make fannish pursuits as stress-free as possible.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 02:15 am (UTC)I need to work Dean loves Sam in there as well but I haven't slept much lately. But he does.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 02:27 am (UTC)He totally does. THEIRLOVEISSOMUTUAL!! And lack of sleep is always a valid excuse 'round these parts.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 07:33 am (UTC)xp I should do a rewatch too! I need to fall in love with them some more so that the inevitable heartbreak of s6 hurts a little less. T.T
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-02 12:22 am (UTC)I highly recommend it!!! It is happy-making times indeed. Oh, boys!! ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-02 01:12 am (UTC)OH MAN, okay, I really do have lots of thoughts on this!! THIS TOPIC SHALL BE REVISITED!!
Ahaha YES! That's awesome!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-01 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-02 01:13 am (UTC)I am, perhaps, a little overly fond of these boys...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-02 01:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-05 12:04 am (UTC)