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errant_janePrevious
When Jensen walks in the house, his mom takes one look at him and says, "I'm sorry, baby."
Jensen gives her a ragged laugh. "I look that good?" She looks genuinely upset and Jensen shakes his head at her. "It's fine, Momma. It didn't work out. I'll survive." He tilts his head and forces a smile. "Some of your pecan pie might help the process along, though."
His mom indulges him and Jensen isn't above taking advantage of her pampering. It makes him feel, if not better, a little less jagged around the edges. There are three missed calls and six texts from Jared when Jensen pulls out his phone to recharge it. No voicemails, but the texts are all a variation of, I'm sorry, Jensen. Please talk to me.
After a moment's debate, Jensen answers the last text with, It's fine. We can talk at home. His thumb hovers over the send button and then he goes back and edits it to say, We can talk in Seattle.
Jared is flying out tonight, Jensen doesn't go home until tomorrow. It gives him a day to put himself back together. That doesn't seem like nearly enough time.
Misha picks him up from the airport, which is no less than Jensen expected, but it still stings. "No offense, my friend," Misha says as the load Jensen's bags into the van. "But the last time you looked this good. Well, it wasn't the best of times."
Jensen glances over at him, trying to gauge what Misha knows. Presumably, he's the one who picked Jared up from his flight, but maybe that's wrong. Maybe Genevieve got him. Either way, Jensen's not ready to get into it. "No offense, friend, but I don't really want to talk about it." He shuts the door and climbs in the passenger seat.
They're quiet until they're on the freeway. "How was my holiday? It was good, Jensen. Thanks for asking," Misha says conversationally. "Actually, it's the damnedest thing. I was going to propose to Clare again on New Year's. Had a whole elaborate thing worked out." He looks over at Jensen, then back at the road. "There was a monkey involved. I won't get into it. So, we're opening presents Christmas morning and my last present is this little box. I look up and Clare's kneeling in front of me."
"She proposed?" Jensen is surprised enough to momentarily forget that he's sulking.
"She proposed." Misha's smile is wide and pleased. "Evil wench, just like her to ruin my most elaborate proposal yet."
"You said yes?"
"Of course!" Misha laughs and taps the steering wheel. "I'm a simple man, Jensen. As long as I get what I want, I'm not terribly picky about the hows. Plus, she was really adorably nervous when she asked. She never would have forgiven me if I'd said no. Tell her I said that and I'll kill you."
"Congratulations, man. Seriously," Jensen says sincerely. "I'm happy for you guys."
"Thanks." Misha glances over at Jensen again. "So, I get the feeling it isn't a great time for this, but you'll be my best man, right?"
"I—" Jensen's both surprised and incredibly flattered. Misha's a good friend. "Yeah, of course. As long as, you're not getting married like next week or anything, right?"
"Alas." Misha shakes his head. "If it were up to me, we would be. But now that my love has wrapped her mind around the idea, she's become quite enamored with the whole wedding affair. I think she's simply amusing herself more than anything else."
Jensen cracks a grin. "At least her parents can afford it."
"The universe smiles on me." Misha waves his hand dramatically and Jensen laughs. "It's an excuse to put it off a little longer, but the engagement ring is on her finger and I can be patient."
"You're pretty crazy about her." Jensen says it quietly, staring out the window at the dull, grey sky.
"From the very start," Misha confirms.
"Didn't that ever freak you out? To be so..."
"Vulnerable?" Misha rubs a hand over his mouth and shrugs. "It's not like she went out of her way to make it easy on me. But I guess at some point you have to let go and trust the other person not to destroy you."
Jensen swallows and shakes his head. He thinks of Jared, of how strained things have become between them. What he could have done differently, aside from the obvious. "How do you know if it's worth the risk?"
"You know me, Jensen. I'm a hopeless romantic." Misha's smile when he looks over at Jensen is sympathetic. "But you don't. People who say it's worth the risk are the ones who got lucky. It's like going to Vegas and going all in. If you win, of course it was worth it. Ask the guy who lost everything and he might have a different perspective."
"That's not exactly a helpful answer, man," Jensen tells him.
"I know." Misha stares at the road and frowns. "If I can't be helpful, I can at least try to be honest. But, for what it's worth, it took me eight years to get here. Sometimes it's not luck so much as persistence."
The living room is empty when Jensen walks in the house, as is the kitchen. He leaves his bags by the door and grabs a glass of water before heading upstairs. Jared is in his room, stuffing things into the duffle bag on his bed. He falters when he looks up to see Jensen standing there. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Just got here." Jensen looks at the bag and wonders at what point in this process it will stop feeling like he's being repeatedly kicked in the stomach. "So..."
"Yeah." Jared runs his hand through his hair and stares at the bed. "I thought maybe I'd stay with Chad for awhile. Until I found a place. I'll still pay my half of the bills until you find another roommate or whatever."
"I can afford to pay the fucking bills, Jared. Save your money." Jensen sounds tired, even to himself and he pushes away from the doorway, intending to go to his own room. Maybe try and sleep for the next three days or so.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, stopping him. "Jensen, please. What I said before, I didn't mean it like that. I don't think you're. That wasn't what I meant." He crosses his arms over his chest, then brings one hand up to rub his eyes. "I guess I just don't get—I know you can't help the way you feel. And I thought I could deal with it, but I can't. I can't watch you date and find someone and be happy with them and that probably makes me an asshole, but there it is."
Jensen freezes, his stomach dropping as he tries to make sense of Jared's rambling apology. He remembers Genevieve at Halloween saying something similar, about him being unable to help how he felt and he thought she meant his wanting Jared. Now he's pretty sure that isn't what she meant at all. "Jesus." He rubs his hand over his face and takes a step inside Jared's room, setting his water down on the dresser. "That thing we're not talking about, Jay? I think we're going to actually have to talk about it now."
"Jensen." Jared looks at him helplessly and Jensen decides to plunge right in.
"I'm in love with you. Like, completely messed up about it in love." Jensen shrugs. There you have it. "That's what I was going to tell you in Austin. I want you to stay because... I want you. Any way I can have you, man. I was going to tell you that, but I kissed you instead." He laces his fingers together behind his neck and looks up at the ceiling. "So, that was probably the wrong thing to do but it's—That was easier for me to do than to stand here and say this and, quite frankly, a lot more enjoyable." He laughs at himself and shakes his head. "When I said sex is just sex? That wasn't true with you. That wasn't just sex for me."
When Jensen finally risks looking at Jared, he looks like he can't quite track what Jensen is telling him.
Jared licks his lips and says, "When? I mean, how long?"
"Longer than I care to admit, I think. Before Brock, anyway. I hated that kid. But consciously?" Jensen drops his hands and rubs his palms against his thighs. Jared is still just staring at him, giving nothing away and Jensen has never felt so exposed in his life. "The night we went out with Jeff and Tom and you kissed me and I thought. I thought there was something there." He presses his lips together and tries for a smile. "So I came home, drunk, tried to kiss you, and you sent me to bed. The next morning when I tried to talk to you, you shut me down completely and I thought, 'Well, fuck. Got that one wrong.'"
"God." Jared sits down on the edge of his bed. He looks like he can't decide between laughing and crying. "I didn't want to hear you tell me that you loved me, but as a friend. I was sure you knew. I mean, I wasn't exactly subtle." He ducks his head to look at his feet before glancing back up at Jensen. "I was so jealous when I kissed you that night. I didn't think I would be, but it just hit me, like. We were standing there with this guy who'd completely screwed with your head and you still seemed so willing to do whatever he wanted."
That makes Jensen flinch. It's not completely true, but it's not a lie either. Jeff still had him tangled up and Jensen reacted to him without ever thinking about how it would seem to Jared, not once. Because it was Jared and Jared has always been whatever Jensen needed him to be.
"And then when you came home, I could hear you guys out on the porch and I just—" Jared cuts off with a shrug. "I kind of lost my mind there. Like, why should he get a second chance when I can't get a first?"
"I'm sorry," Jensen says quietly. He's just beginning to realize how clueless he's been and he feels like a complete asshole as a result.
"No, I didn't think that." Jared shakes his head. "I mean, I thought that, but I wasn't—I wasn't waiting for you, Jensen. I knew the deal and the random guys, the hooking up, that didn't bother me because they never meant anything. And if it's between sex with you and you? I could handle that." He claps his hands together, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Then you started dating."
Jensen laughs, because it's all so stupid and he's not sure he could have royally fucked this up more if he'd been actively trying. "I started dating to try and get over you. I can't believe, fuck." There's a swell of relief, optimism bubbling in his chest as he realizes they don't actually have anything to fight about. "Did we really just spend the past three months making each other this miserable over nothing?"
Jared gives him a slight, bitter smile. "Yeah, well, maybe that's a sign."
It takes a moment for that to register. "A sign." Jensen stares at him, incredulous. "You're joking, right? You aren't seriously telling me that now, when we're finally on the same page, you don't want this anymore."
"I don't know. I think that maybe it's not a good idea. Maybe there's a reason we were both so resistant to it."
"Maybe you're full of shit," Jensen counters. Jared only shrugs. "I'm not going to beg, Jay."
"I'm not trying to make you beg, Jensen. Jesus." Jared looks up at him, annoyed. "I just think maybe some time apart is a good idea."
"Right." Jensen nods and looks down at his feet. It's like he's trying to figure out how many times, in how many ways he can be actively rejected before he becomes a completely pathetic tool. He might be better off beating his head against a brick wall, expecting it to get softer at some point. "Fine. I'm going to go for a walk while you finish up here. Just." He waves his hand. "Let me know when you're ready to pick up the rest of your stuff."
It's cold out, but Jensen doesn't bother with his coat. He's too pissed, frustrated as he wanders around the neighborhood, the heels of his boots echoing as he stomps down the street. No doubt he looks like a madman, his arms crossed over his chest as he stalks nowhere in particular.
Jensen knows he hasn't always made the best decisions, that he can be selfish and, apparently, completely and idiotically oblivious. But he doesn't know what he should do, should've done differently. He still has absolutely no idea what Jared wants from him. Or maybe he does know and the answer is nothing. Jared wants him, but not enough to get past whatever this is and Jensen's not going to waste any more time waiting for him to change his mind. If this is the way Jared wants it, Jensen is officially done trying.
The sky is getting dark when Jensen finally heads home. He's freezing, hungry, exhausted and still gross from traveling. The house is dark when he gets there except for the light he left on in his bedroom. Jensen stops and pulls his shaving kit from his suitcase and heads to the bathroom.
He misses the shower's water pressure at his folks' house, but the heat helps and he stays in there until it runs out. Washes his hair and scrubs his skin until he realizes that he's freaking out in a crazy, compulsive sort of way and stops. When he leans his forehead against the shower, he frowns at the mildew and thinks that maybe tomorrow he'll go on a maniacal cleaning spree. Tonight he just wants to go to bed.
After rubbing the excess water from his hair, he wraps his towel around his waist and heads upstairs, leaving his clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor. No one is there to be bothered by his mess. It's kind of like freedom, being able to do whatever he wants, but in the shittiest possible way. Jensen doesn't want that kind of leeway in his life anymore. He wants someone to give a fuck.
It isn't until Jensen is walking down the hall to his room that he remembers he never went in there to turn the light on and he jogs the rest of the way. Jared is there, sitting on Jensen's bed, staring at his hands. He looks up when he hears Jensen and gives him a pathetic smile. "Hey."
"I thought you left," Jensen says. He stays hovering in the doorway, very aware that he's wearing nothing but a towel and Jared is on his bed.
"I did, actually. I, uh, I came back." Jared rubs his palms over his knees, his shoulders hunched, and takes a deep breath. "Can we have a do-over?"
"Starting where?" Jensen crosses his arms over his chest. The heat was off while they were gone and the house is still on the chilly side. It's not at all a self-protective gesture.
"I was thinking the part where you said you're in love with me and I can just say, 'Yeah, me too,' instead of the idiotic verbal diarrhea that actually happened." Jared looks at him hopefully. "I've been gone for you forever. I would have to be like—" He stops and gives an incredulous bark of laughter. "Like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet to walk away now."
Jensen shakes his head, not quite willing to believe what Jared's saying yet. He's waiting for the rug to be yanked out from under him again, but Jared only sits there, watching him expectantly. "Don't jerk me around, man," Jensen finally says. "You better be really fucking sure about this."
Jared throws both his arms in the air suddenly, grinning. "Sure! Like the old deodorant commercials?" He brings his arms in at his sides and says, "Unsure," in a tiny voice. Then he clears his throat, his smile dropping away. "Sorry. Bad joke. I'm sure."
"You're like the world's biggest dork." Jensen's heart still feels a little battered, but he wants to believe Jared, so he walks toward him, toward the bed and stops when he's standing between Jared's knees. For a moment he just stands there, looking down at him. Then he uncrosses his arms and reaches to card his fingers through Jared's hair.
"Yeah." Jared's eyes slide shut and he leans into Jensen's touch like a cat, tilting his face up. "Good thing I'm pretty, huh?" He opens his eyes again and licks his lips as he brings his hands up to Jensen's back, pulling him closer. His hands are hot and Jensen can feel them shake lightly as they move over him. "Jensen." Jared leans forward, his breath hitting Jensen's skin in hot puffs before he chases them with his mouth, planting soft little kisses across Jensen's belly.
It makes Jensen's muscles tense, anticipation and desire, and his chest aches like it can't quite handle this sudden reversal. He runs his fingers through Jared's hair, soft and silky, as Jared kisses him, making no move to go any further than that. As though he would be happy to suck kisses into Jensen's stomach all night while Jensen pets him. It's incredibly sweet and erotic at the same time, and Jensen finally moves his hands down to Jared's shoulders to push him down onto the bed.
Jared lets go of him long enough to scoot back and lay down and Jensen follows him, settling on top of Jared's body, the buttons of his shirt pressing into Jensen's bare skin.
"Hi," Jensen says softly and Jared beams up at him. That brilliant megawatt grin that makes Jensen laugh.
"Hi." Jared brings his hand up to Jensen's neck and pulls him down into a kiss, slow and thorough like he's trying to get it right this time. It's perfect, completely heady the way Jared opens underneath him, offers him everything as he trails his fingers lazily up Jensen's spine.
Jensen twists his body so that he can get his hand between them without disrupting his exploration of Jared's mouth. He undoes the buttons of Jared's shirt with one hand and pushes the material aside before settling back down, skin to skin. Jared breaks the kiss at that with a hiccupped sort of gasp and he stares at Jensen, his chest heaving.
"Sorry," Jared says after another moment. "Just making sure this is actually happening."
"Yeah." Jensen smiles and kisses him again. "It's definitely happening."
The next kiss is a little more urgent, desperate, dirtier as Jensen braces himself on his elbows and rolls his hips against Jared's. Jared bucks up against him, grabbing his ass and lining them up so that their erections are pressed together. It makes Jensen shake with how good it is, even through the layers of cotton and denim. "What do you want, Jay?" Jensen asks, panting against Jared's neck as his hips twitch helplessly.
By way of an answer, Jared rolls them, pushing up so that he's hovering over Jensen. "I want to see you."
"Okay." Jensen nods as Jared unwraps the towel from Jensen's waist without looking away from his face. He lifts his hips enough for Jared to tug it out from underneath him and then settles back down on the bed.
"God." Jared tucks his face against Jensen's neck and kisses there. Moves down and kisses over his heart, his stomach. Jensen actually twitches when Jared goes lower, but Jared bypasses his cock. Instead, he slides off the bed completely and kneels between Jensen's legs. "Let me know if you're not into it." Jared's breath is hot against the back of Jensen's thigh. Then he's spreading Jensen's cheeks with his thumbs and Jensen only has a second to actually process it before he feels the wet swipe of Jared's tongue against his hole.
"Fuck!"
Jensen thumps his head against the mattress and tries to bring his legs up to give Jared better access. Jared grabs his ankles and moves them so that Jensen's feet are braced against his shoulders. Then he leans in again, his tongue wet-hot on Jensen's skin, moving in soft, short licks at first, pausing every third or fourth time to wiggle the tip against Jensen's entrance, pressing in only a little before the licking starts again.
"Nobody likes a tease," Jensen grits out.
Jared hums against him, sending waves of pleasure up Jensen's spine before working him open in earnest. He spreads Jensen further with his thumbs and stabs his tongue inside, hot and eager, making hungry little noises as he goes.
It's way too much and Jensen can't decide if he wants to pull away or press back. "Jared, c'mon. Fuck. Fuck. I need—" He breaks off with an embarrassingly desperate sound when Jared pulls back and scrapes his teeth against Jensen's thigh before kissing the same spot.
"Do you have stuff?"
"Yeah." Jensen sits up when Jared moves away from him. "Yeah, I'll get it. You strip." He'll take his time next time, peel Jared's clothes of slowly, kiss each new inch of skin as he bares it, but right now he's too worked up. He wants Jared inside him, fucking him until he can't see straight. The thought alone is enough to make Jensen's dick throb as he fumbles in the nightstand drawer for condoms and lube.
By the time he finds them, Jared is standing in front of him, naked and gorgeous. It's a reversal of their earlier position and Jensen leans forward to kiss Jared's stomach. He smiles when he feels the muscles jump underneath his lips and leans back to tear the condom package open. Jared watches as Jensen pinches the tip, rolling the condom down slowly. Jensen's mouth goes dry at the sight of it, the shiny stretch of latex over Jared's cock, somehow more obscene this way. He traces his finger from the base to the tip before squirting some lube into his hand and smoothing it over Jared's dick, jacking him slowly until Jared grabs Jensen's shoulders and says his name.
Jensen slides back onto the bed, watching hungrily as Jared follows him, the way his muscles move under his skin, all sleek and predatory. Mine, Jensen thinks as Jared settles between his legs. It's an unexpected rush of possessiveness and Jensen grabs Jared's neck and pulls him into a messy kiss before laying back down and hiking his knees up around Jared's ribs.
Jared licks his lips and reaches down, positioning himself against Jensen's hole before pressing in slowly. His breathing is harsh as he slides in, as Jensen opens around him and Jensen can hear his own breath rattling in his lungs. It's not entirely comfortable as Jared presses in further and Jensen is taking big gulps of air as he tries to adjust. As much as Jensen wants this, turned-on as he is, Jared is still bigger than most and it's been a few months.
"Jensen." Jared stops halfway and leans down to kiss him, shallow and teasing as he inches forward.
"I'm good." Jensen presses his heels against Jared's back. The discomfort is already starting to fade and Jensen feels the restless pull of need as Jared slowly slides home. He reaches up and curls his fingers in Jared's hair, wrapping his other arm up to clutch at Jared's shoulder. "Not gonna break, Jay. Get to it."
"Pushy fucker." Jared's breath is still ragged, but he sounds amused. "Maybe I need a second, okay?" He rolls his hips, more of a tease than anything. "How do you want it?" Jared pulls out and slides back in with enough force to make Jensen grunt. "Like that?"
"Harder." Jensen grins at him and then arches back on the next thrust as Jared's balls slap against his ass. He tucks his legs up higher against Jared's sides, angling his hips the right way so that when Jared rocks back into him, his whole body lights up. "Yeah, yeah," Jensen pants out as Jared speeds up his pace. "Jared, please. Fuck."
Jared's only answer is the sexy little grunting noise he makes as he fucks Jensen stupid. He has Jensen spread wide, jostling him with every snap of his hips until Jensen's entire existence is centered on the slide and drag of Jared's dick. The way pleasure thrums through his veins, contracting in on him until he's shaking with it. He's ready to fly apart, but unwilling to let go quite yet.
"Can you come from this, Jen?" Jared's voice is rough and strained, breathless. "If I fuck you hard enough, will you come on my cock without being touched?"
Jensen makes a sort of whining noise as he nods, his fingers clenched in Jared's hair in a way that must be painful, but Jared doesn't seem to notice. He's clinging to the edge, greedy and wanting more.
"C'mon, Jensen." Jared groans and snaps his hips forward. "Do it. Let me see you. Let me—" He leans down and kisses Jensen, fast and rough and Jensen comes, shooting so hard his toes curl and he sees spots behind his eyelids. Jared pushes into him twice more before he's shaking against Jensen, his lips moving against Jensen's neck. If he's saying something, Jensen can't hear what it is over the thud of his own heartbeat.
After a moment, Jensen lets his legs fall away from Jared's body, back onto the bed as Jared slides out of him. Jared doesn't move away, though, only twists enough to get the condom off and tied. Jensen guides his hand until it's hovering over the trashcan and says, "You're good."
Jared lets go and it hits the bottom with a soft thunk. Jensen wiggles over toward the edge, keeping his hand on Jared's back so that he doesn't roll away, and he manages to snag his discarded towel off the floor. He grins in triumph as he brings it up to clean the mess off of their stomachs and then drops it back on the floor.
"Do you want me to move?" Jared asks against his neck, even as he settles back against him.
"No," Jensen says honestly. He scratches his fingers over Jared's scalp and stares at the ceiling. "I'm good."
"Hmm." Jared huffs out a breath and props himself up on his elbows so that he's looking down at Jensen. "Could we move it under the covers at least? My ass is getting a little chilly now."
"Dammit." Jensen fumbles for the edge of the blankets, pulling them down and trying to get under them without having to move. But Jared laughs and rolls away so he gives up and turns over, tugging the blankets back and sliding between the sheets. Jared joins him a second later, covering them back up in a warm little cocoon.
Jared doesn't crawl back between Jensen's legs, settling against his side instead. Jensen wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him closer, turning to smile at him when Jared presses a kiss against his cheek.
"You good?" Jensen asks.
"Pretty sure good doesn't cover it." Jared smoothes his hand over Jensen's chest, up until his fingers are curved against Jensen's neck, gently turning his head until they're kissing again, soft and lazy. "That was, I mean. Was that?" He doesn't finish the question and it takes Jensen a minute to figure out what Jared's asking, why he looks so suddenly shy.
"Seriously?" Jensen feels like laughing. He doesn't, but he allows himself to smile.
"I don't know. I mean, I've heard you rate every guy you've slept with for the past two years." Jared shrugs. "Sue me for being a little self-conscious."
"Jared." Jensen rolls onto his side so that they're facing each other. "Setting aside for the moment how incredibly mind-blowing that truly was, I don't think I've ever wanted anyone half as much as I want you. That makes a difference."
"Good to know. And, y'know. Same here." Jared smiles and pulls Jensen closer. "I still want the sex to be mind-blowing because I'm just that good."
"Well rest assured. You're a Goddamn stallion, Padalecki," Jensen says. "I'm going to pen odes to your dick on the morrow."
Jared laughs and kisses him again. "Hey. So, when we were in Austin and I was, um, taking off your shirt…"
"Straight on to bondage, huh?" Jensen grins widely and presses Jared back against the bed. "Yeah. You can tie me up, Jay. Scarves, handcuffs. Whatever floats your boat."
"Yeah?" Jared's breathing speeds up and his eyes are dark as he licks his lips. "You'd—That's something you'd be into?"
Jensen thinks about it, about being restrained while Jared fucks him and nods. "Because I trust you. If you want to try stuff, I'm good with that. I'll let you know if I don't like it."
"Fuck," Jared says on an exhalation and Jensen can feel his dick twitch against his thigh.
"Impressive." He raises an eyebrow. "What about you? Would you let me cuff you to the bed? Ride you so hard we'd both have trouble moving the next day?"
"Yeah." Jared nods slowly. "I think I'd be good with that."
"Oh good." Jensen leans forward and licks into Jared's mouth, getting lost in the taste and feel of him until they're both hard and panting again.
Jensen wakes up with Jared wrapped around him, his arm across Jensen's chest, their legs tangled together. It's a little warm with both Jared and the blankets, but Jensen's reluctant to move. He wants to stay here a while longer warm and lazy and sated. Then his stomach rumbles loudly, reminding him that he hasn't eaten in at least eighteen hours.
Behind him Jared stirs, kissing Jensen's shoulder before asking, "Was that your stomach?"
"Haven't eaten since my layover in Denver." Jensen stretches as Jared rolls away from him. "Do we have any food in the house?"
"A little. I went to QFC yesterday. Got a few basics. And I think we have a pizza in the freezer." Jared climbs out of bed and pulls his boxers on, then steps into his jeans.
"Jesus," Jensen says and he smiles when Jared glances up at him. "I don't know, man. There's something incredibly sexy about you getting dressed in the clothes you picked up off my floor."
"Yeah?" Jared leans over the bed and kisses Jensen hard. "Maybe it's knowing that they're gonna end up right back on the floor in another hour."
"Maybe." Jensen checks the clock. It's nearly three a.m. and he knows that in the few free days left before school starts back up, his schedule is going to be completely shot to hell. He can't bring himself to be too upset about that.
They make it downstairs and Jared pulls the pizza out of the freezer. There are actually two in there, which is good because one isn't quite enough to feed both of them. After Jared turns on the oven to heat, Jensen presses him up against the counter and kisses him until they hear the click of the heating light shutting off.
"Go take out your contacts," Jared says as he tears open the cardboard boxes.
"Anyone ever tell you you're kind of bossy?" Jensen walks into the bathroom and pulls his contacts out, washing them quickly before putting them in the case and sliding on his glasses.
"You like me bossy." Jared gives him that dimpled smile and Jensen has to kiss him again.
The pizzas bake for thirty-five minutes and they spend the whole time kissing and petting each other there in the kitchen, unwilling to stop long enough to even move it to the living room. Jensen feels like a teenager again, horny and out of control. They break long enough to pull the pizza out of the oven, only to start up again in the interest of letting it cool.
Jared ends up shoving their pants down around their hips, jacking them both off with one big hand right there in the kitchen. They clean up, eat their pizza and go straight back to bed.
"You know we're going to have to rejoin the real world at some point, right?" Jared is on his side, his head propped in one hand, tracing random patterns over Jensen's back with the other.
"Don't want to," Jensen mumbles. His eyes are mostly closed and he has no desire to move from where he is, content to let Jared continue his light, teasing touches. "Want to stay in porn world with my sexy boyfriend forever."
It's mid-afternoon and Jensen thinks they should call and have food delivered again; Jared thinks that it might be time to make a voyage to the grocery store.
It's a small point of contention.
"If we did that," Jared says, "we wouldn't be able to pay our rent. They'd come kick us out of the house."
"Hmphf," Jensen replies. "There's only one kind of rent in porn world."
Jared's laughter is cut off by a loud knock at the door. "The hell?"
Jensen opens his eyes and pushes up. He has no idea who would be here, since they haven't actually ordered food yet. "Probably Mormons or something. They heard about all the gay sex happening."
"Yeah," Jared says as he slides out of bed. "I heard they perfected their gay sex radar." He pulls on his pants, not bothering with underwear. "I'll go see who it is."
"You'll be sorry if it's the Mormons," Jensen mumbles. He gets up and pulls on a pair of sweats before following Jared downstairs. When he gets to the landing and hears who it is, he groans. So much worse than the Mormons.
"Ah, you are alive," Misha says with exaggerated relief. "I was just telling Jared here that when neither of you bothered to return any phone calls, emails or texts, we all started to think that maybe some sort of murder/suicide thing happened. We drew straws to see who was going to come check."
"We're fine, thanks."
"You know it's January, right?" Misha tilts his head and frowns. "You go around half-naked and you're gonna get sick."
"Goodbye, Misha," Jensen says, pushing the door shut and turning to lean against it.
"We were worried!" Misha shouts through the door.
"We probably should start talking to our friends again at some point." Jared sounds amused.
Jensen hooks his finger through Jared's belt loop and tugs him closer. "We can get new friends."
"Kay." Jared props his hands against the door on either side of Jensen's head and kisses him, presses in with his full body until Jensen's moaning into his mouth.
"Are you guys having sex in the entryway right now?"
"Misha, I swear to God." Jensen thumps his hand against the door and he can hear Misha laughing. "They're going to be insufferable, you know that, right?"
"They were already insufferable." Jared ducks down to kiss him again. "And we kind of deserve it."
"Whatever. You gonna fuck me right here in the entryway?" He grabs Jared's hips and grinds against him. "I mean, since we're here and all."
Jared grins and reaches back, fishing a condom out of his back pocket. "In case of emergencies."
"There are some in the bathroom too," Jensen tells him.
"My pants are closer." Jared shoves the condom back in his front pocket and grabs Jensen's hips, flipping him around so that he's facing the door. He fits himself up against Jensen's back and brings his hands up, stroking them down Jensen's arms until he reaches his wrists and wraps his fingers around them. "These stay here," he says, raising Jensen's hands over his head and pressing them against the door.
Jensen nods, his dick throbbing at the underlying command in Jared's voice. Jared runs his hands over Jensen's sides, around front to pet his stomach and then under the elastic of his sweats to stroke his cock.
"Every time I touch you I just want you more," Jared whispers against Jensen's ear. "How am I supposed to function like that?" He pushes Jensen's sweats down over his hips and then steps away.
There's the sound of Jared's jeans dropping and the crinkle of the condom wrapper, then he's back, slowly pushing into Jensen's body. Jensen is still slick and open from earlier and Jared slides right in, moaning low and dirty in Jensen's ear. "God, you feel so good." Jared's fingers tighten around Jensen's hips, pulling him back as he thrust forward. "Wanna stay inside you forever."
"Yeah." Jensen nods, his fingers curving against the door in his effort to keep his hands where Jared put them.
Jared has gotten progressively more talkative during sex. Filthy, romantic nonsense that should be ridiculous but somehow it works, gets Jensen so wound up that he's begging and whimpering and pressing back against Jared, trying to get more, trying to get Jared to keep talking.
"So good. So, so good." Jared kisses Jensen's neck, traces the shell of his ear with is tongue as he thrusts slow and steady, driving Jensen out of his mind. "I love you so much," he whispers, nuzzling against Jensen's jaw.
"Jared." Jensen curls his hands into fists, pushing back against Jared and trying to twist his head enough to kiss him. Jared's lips slide against the corner of his mouth, then he moves down to kiss Jensen's shoulder and Jensen can feel the smile he presses there. "Please."
"Mmmm." Jared hums against Jensen's skin and continues his unhurried pace, slow but forceful, knocking little grunts out of Jensen every time he slides home.
Pleasure washes over Jensen, building slowly until he's saying 'please' with every hitch of Jared's hips, his hands clenched into tight fists, nails biting into his palms. Finally, finally, Jared reaches around, slides his fist down over Jensen's dick as he pushes in and Jensen's done. His stomach tightens as he comes and Jared milks him through it, his hand slipping over Jensen more easily with his come coating his palm.
Jensen rocks back against him, bringing one hand down to cover Jared's where he's still gripping Jensen's hip. "Come on, Jay."
"Fuck." Jared bites down on Jensen's shoulder and wraps his arm around Jensen's waist, pulling him tight against his body, his hips twitching shallow, frantic thrusts and then he shudders. Says Jensen's name and kisses the spot he bit, soothing it with his tongue. "What were we even doing down here?" He sounds adorably sleepy.
"Answering the door." Jensen turns when Jared slips out of him and steals a kiss before bending down to pull up his sweats.
"Right." Jared snorts. "Well, hopefully Misha's not still out there." He ties off the condom and pulls up his jeans, not bothering to zip or button them.
They go to the bathroom to finish cleaning up and when they're done, Jensen crowds Jared up against the sink and kisses him. "Love you, too," he says against Jared's lips.
Jensen wins the food debate and they get pizza delivered and settle in on the couch to eat and watch TV. When Jensen checks his phone, he sees that there are actually fifteen missed phone calls, most of them from Misha, Clare and Sophia. One from Kristen and one from his brother. It makes him glad he called his mom that first morning to tell her they'd managed to work things out.
"Chad sends his love," Jared says, checking his own phone. He holds it out in front of Jensen so that Jensen can read the display.
Sophia sent a much sweeter, you two are fucking idiots, to Jensen.
The most recent text is from Misha. It says, Your mom told me everything. I drew the short straw. Everyone was jealous.
Of course Misha talked to his mom. "How long do you think we have to wait before we can see these guys again without catching a ton of shit from them?" Jensen asks as he tosses his phone on the table.
"Huh uh." Jared shakes his head. "We're gonna have to take our lumps on this one." He sets his plate aside and turns to stretch out on the couch, wiggling his feet behind Jensen until Jensen moves forward to give him room.
"I still say getting new friends is a viable option." Jensen scoots up and lies down on his side in front of Jared, facing the TV. Jared loops an arm around Jensen's waist and pulls him back, bending down to kiss Jensen's neck.
"I've almost got Chad housebroken. It'd be a shame to give him up now."
"I don't think shame is the word you're looking for there." Jensen snuggles back against him and feels his eyelids start to slide shut. He laces his fingers through Jared's and closes his eyes.
"We can go back upstairs," Jared says, but Jensen shakes his head.
"Not yet." He falls asleep a few minutes later.
Things settle back into something more normal once school starts up again. Jensen is back at work, Jared is back in classes and they have things to focus on other than each other. Which doesn't keep them from sneaking off and have sex on campus three times that first week, but it tapers off a little after that.
Their first actual fight happens about a month into things and it's over sleeping in Jensen's bedroom. Mostly, it's Jared being petulant, but they're still in a very intense honeymoon phase and Jensen is willing to indulge him. As soon as he figures out what exactly the problem is.
"We can sleep in your room if you want. I don't really care one way or the other." They're already in bed, of course, but Jared's room is down the hall. Moving wouldn't take that much effort.
"It's not the sleeping." Jared runs his hand through his hair and pushes his bottom lip out in a pout that Jensen will surely, at some point in the future, not find this ridiculously adorable. "It's the sex room."
"The..." Jensen has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing. "What if we repainted? Got new sheets? Went with a whole new color scheme."
"But. I like the color scheme. You look fucking hot in here, okay?" Jared seems genuinely irritated by this and Jensen is having a really hard time keeping a straight face.
"So, you're mad because you like it?"
The look Jared gives him suggests that he realizes just how idiotic this entire conversation is and he does not appreciate it being pointed out to him like he doesn't.
"What if we got a new bed?" Jensen grabs Jared's wrist and tugs.
Jared lets Jensen pull him closer, moving until he's hovering over him, his hands braced on either side of Jensen's head. "I'm listening," he says.
"California King, lots of room to maneuver." It's something he's been thinking about anyway, because neither of them are tiny. He can get it on sale at Macy's, do in-store credit and pay it off over a few months, no big deal. It's not exactly a huge concession on his part.
"Keep going."
"A bed that's just ours."
"I like that." Jared settles between Jensen's legs, kisses him hard and desperate.
Later, as they're getting ready to actually go to sleep, Jensen rolls over and settles on Jared's chest so that he's looking down at him. "I'm good with the new bed thing, but I want to make sure you know." He leans down and kisses Jared softly. "I've never been unfaithful to someone. Not ever. You have nothing to worry about there."
"I didn't— I'm not worried. I promise." Jared smiles sheepishly. "I might still be a little possessive sometimes."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, well. Just so long as you don't expect new bedroom furniture every time you decide to throw a tantrum, I think I can handle that."
"Maybe if you just got a tattoo," Jared says, pulling him down for a kiss. "My name across your shoulders. A portrait of me on your chest."
"Sure. As long as you're keeping your expectations realistic."
They're in the middle of converting Jared's old room into a guest room/office, but the project has been slow going. They'd decided to paint first and then Jared got caught up in schoolwork, leaving Jensen to work on it when he has time. Which Jensen doesn't mind, but it's not on the top of his priority list, either. He's supposed to be working on it now, but Misha called in need of a wedding-planning break, so they're at Zoka's getting coffee instead.
"Do you think Jared and I are moving too fast?" It's something that's been bothering Jensen a little. It doesn't feel like they're moving too fast, but it seems like maybe it should.
Misha stares at him for a moment as he sips his coffee. He finally says, "Not unless they've drastically changed the definition of the word fast, unbeknownst to me."
"We've only been together for a few months."
"You've only been having sex for a few months. You've been together for two years." Misha steeples his fingers and studies Jensen. "Are you two having problems? Fighting all the time? Have you discovered that you're irrevocably sexually incompatible?"
"Definitely not." Jensen grins and shakes his head. "None of the above." Things are so good it's a little creepy. Jensen had no idea things could just work like that.
"They quit trying to create drama. I have real problems." Misha actually seems mildly distressed, which is interesting.
"Oh yeah?" Jensen raises his eyebrows questioningly. "Such as?"
"Clare wants us to write our own vows."
"That's what you're stressing over? Seriously?" Jensen wants to laugh, but he feels like Misha might not appreciate it. "Dude, you've been proposing to this girl for eight years. You're worried about coming up with something to say for your wedding vows?"
"Of course not." Misha looks at him like he's an idiot. "I could write fifty different sets of vows without even thinking about it. It's not my vows I'm worried about."
Jensen does laugh, then. He can't help it. "I see. What is it, exactly, that you think she's going to say?" While he doesn't think Clare will actually do anything too outrageous during the wedding, Misha isn't totally insane for being concerned, either.
Misha takes another sip of his coffee and shakes his head. "I honestly have no idea."
"Sympathies, man."
"Thanks."
"Come on, gorgeous. Open up." Misha has one arm wrapped around Clare's waist and he's holding a huge chunk of wedding cake in the other. Clare is eyeing him with a justified amount of distrust.
"Misha, we agreed." She holds her finger up and the crowd of people watching laughs as she pulls Misha close to whisper something in his ear. She looks incredibly smug when she leans back.
"I know you don't mean that." Misha frowns at her and holds the cake up docilely, allowing her to take a normal bite without smashing it in her face.
Jensen gets pictures of the entire exchange and laughs when Clare smears frosting over Misha's lips.
"Gosh." Jared places his hand low in Jensen's back and whispers, "I hope those crazy kids make it."
The reception is at the community center, the room decorated in red and purple. They'd ended up going fairly low budget for everything in favor of providing booze. A decision that everyone seems on board with so far. Clare's sister is playing DJ with her ipod hooked up to the sound system and people are actually dancing, milling about, having a good time.
Jensen isn't really surprised that their wedding reception is just one more in a long line of successful parties that they've thrown.
"I want you to get incriminating photos of everyone once they're drunk," Misha tells Jensen as Clare dances with one of Misha's younger cousins. "Don't let me down."
"I'll do what I can, man. It was a nice ceremony, by the way."
"I'm still not sure how that happened." Misha laughs and rubs his chin thoughtfully. "We managed to behave like reasonable adults the entire time."
"Totally lost me fifty bucks with that," Jared says as he joins them with his newly acquired drinks. He offers Jensen the glass of champagne and smirks when he refuses.
Jensen grabs the whiskey out of Jared's other hand, shooting him a dirty look for bringing champagne anywhere near him. "What did Clare say to you? You know, with the cake thing."
"She, uh, threatened to withhold oral sex for an undisclosed number of months. I don't believe that she'd follow through with it, but it's something I'm unwilling to risk."
"Good call." Jensen claps Misha on the shoulder and nods.
Jared makes a noise of agreement and wraps his arm around Jensen's waist, pulling him up against him and kissing the side of his head. It's sweet and adorable and completely out of the blue. It makes Jensen smile until he sees Jeff approaching them, then it makes him want to laugh.
"Congratulations, Misha." Jeff shakes his hand and turns to acknowledge them. "Jared, Jensen. Good to see you boys again."
"Thank you, sir. You've met Jared?" Misha casts a suspicious glance at Jensen before turning back to Jeff.
"Yeah, yeah. We met last fall." Jeff smiles easily like they're all old friends.
"Interesting."
"So, uh, where's Tom?" Jensen asks before Misha can say more.
"I left him talking to Clare's mother."
"Alone?" Jensen smirks. "You're a sadistic bastard, Morgan."
Jeff laughs. "Oh, so that wasn't Jared I saw talking to her all alone earlier?"
When Jensen turns to look at Jared, he's glaring at him, a betrayed look on his face. "Totally different," Jensen says. "He thought I was exaggerating. You didn't believe me. That was your own damn fault."
"I would like to point out that you're discussing my mother-in-law." They all turn to Misha and he shrugs. "I just thought I'd point it out. Anyway, I have more people to charm, so I'll leave you to it." He points at Jensen. "Blackmail material, I'm serious."
They make small talk for a few more minutes after Misha leaves, until Tom joins them looking a little bit harried. Jensen smiles as they walk away and turns to press up against Jared.
"Why do you look so happy?" Jared asks, grinning down at him.
"I didn't notice before, but you're at least an inch taller than both Jeff and Tom." He pulls Jared down with his free hand and kisses him. "It's hot."
Jared snorts. "Size queen."
"Mmm." Jensen kisses him again and grins. "I love you to death, Jay, but if you ever call me any kind of queen again, you'll be the one going without oral for an undisclosed number of months."
"You don't mean that," Jared says against his lips.
"But you've got to ask yourself." Jensen kisses Jared hard and then slides out of his arms. "Is it worth the risk on the off chance that I do?"
It's nearly ten by the time they get back home and Jensen is buzzed and a little sleepy, but he wants to load the pictures onto his computer anyway to see how they turned out. He got some good shots at the reception. A bunch of Misha and Clare—the cake-eating, their first dance, Clare's dance with her father—all of the traditional stuff. He also took plenty of the guests and there are at least two or three in there that Misha could conceivably use for blackmail.
Jensen pauses on the picture of Jared dancing with the flower girl. He looks even more ginormous next to her and she's beaming up at him like he's made of rainbows and cotton candy.
It's easily the most insanely adorable thing Jensen has seen in his life, which is maybe why it takes him a minute to notice that there's a clear shot of Jeff in the background. He's holding a drink, his other hand in his pocket and he's smiling, but he looks more pensive than anything else. It's a good picture of him, sexy as hell if Jensen's being honest and he waits for the wave of sadness, loss or whatever to hit, but it's not there. He feels a little nostalgic, wistful, maybe, for the kid he once was, but that's all it is.
"Who is that handsome bastard?" Jared asks, hooking his chin over Jensen's shoulder. His breath is minty-fresh and he's all ready for bed.
"I was going to ask who the girl was."
"She didn't mean nothin', baby. I swear." Jared straightens as Jensen stands up. "Can I look?"
"Sure." Jensen waves at his computer. "I'm going to go take my contacts out."
Jared's still at the computer when Jensen comes back into the living room and it takes a moment for him to realize that he's not looking at the wedding pictures anymore.
"Jensen." Jared turns to him, his eyes bright with barely-suppressed amusement. "Did you know there's a whole folder in here with my name on it?" He tilts the screen to show Jensen the picture he's looking at.
It's from a Saturday morning a few weeks ago. Jared is sleeping on his stomach, his head tucked into the crook of his elbow, the sheet rumpled down around his waist. Between where his arm is placed and the way his hair is falling, only part of his profile is visible, his nose and the curve of his lips. The picture is fairly blatant Jared worship on Jensen's part and he's a little embarrassed that Jared found it.
"I look hot," Jared says.
"Glad to see those self-esteem classes are helping." Jensen reaches over his shoulder to grab the mouse. He closes the folder, makes sure everything is saved and shuts the computer down.
"Yeah, well, have you seen my boyfriend? Creepy voyeuristic tendencies aside. " Jared turns and grins at him. "I'd have to be pretty awesome to land a guy like that."
"Yeah, I guess you would."
"You okay?" Jared frowns. "You seem kinda blah."
"Introspective, maybe." Jensen sets his hands on Jared's shoulders and starts kneading them absently, smiling when Jared groans and leans his head back against Jensen's stomach. "Just thinking about Misha and Clare. It's kind of funny how things work out. If I hadn't needed a random credit filled, I wouldn't have taken the class Misha was TAing for, we wouldn't have become friends, I wouldn't have met Sophia and you'd still be Hot Gym Guy."
"You're leaving out the part about if Sophia hadn't started dating Chad."
Jensen sighs. "I hate to credit Chad with even a small part in my happiness."
Jared stands and turns around, pulling Jensen into a hug. "So the world is comprised of random chances and circumstance?"
"Maybe." Jensen shrugs. "Or maybe we manage to find the people we're meant to know at the time in our lives when we're ready for them."
"Ooooh, profound," Jared says. "You should work for Hallmark with that shit."
"Fuck you." Jensen shoves him away, laughing. "I was being deep." He turns to head upstairs, Jared following close behind him.
"No, I totally got that. Lay more on me, Siddhartha. I'm an empty vessel."
"Not arguing that one." He's halfway down the hall when Jared grabs his wrist and pulls him back, pressing him up against the wall. "You couldn't make it the three more feet to the bedroom?"
Jared smiles and shakes his head as he leans in. Jensen tilts his head up to meet him and they're kissing, one of those slow intense kisses that make Jensen think the whole world could come apart around them and they'd never even notice.
"Bed," Jared says when he pulls back.
Jensen's not going to argue that one either.
THE END
Back to the Master Post
Over to the Art Post
(6/21/10) ETA: I am behind on comments, but I promise I will respond to y'all!! It might take me a few days, but I totally will! Cross my heart! ♥!!
When Jensen walks in the house, his mom takes one look at him and says, "I'm sorry, baby."
Jensen gives her a ragged laugh. "I look that good?" She looks genuinely upset and Jensen shakes his head at her. "It's fine, Momma. It didn't work out. I'll survive." He tilts his head and forces a smile. "Some of your pecan pie might help the process along, though."
His mom indulges him and Jensen isn't above taking advantage of her pampering. It makes him feel, if not better, a little less jagged around the edges. There are three missed calls and six texts from Jared when Jensen pulls out his phone to recharge it. No voicemails, but the texts are all a variation of, I'm sorry, Jensen. Please talk to me.
After a moment's debate, Jensen answers the last text with, It's fine. We can talk at home. His thumb hovers over the send button and then he goes back and edits it to say, We can talk in Seattle.
Jared is flying out tonight, Jensen doesn't go home until tomorrow. It gives him a day to put himself back together. That doesn't seem like nearly enough time.
Misha picks him up from the airport, which is no less than Jensen expected, but it still stings. "No offense, my friend," Misha says as the load Jensen's bags into the van. "But the last time you looked this good. Well, it wasn't the best of times."
Jensen glances over at him, trying to gauge what Misha knows. Presumably, he's the one who picked Jared up from his flight, but maybe that's wrong. Maybe Genevieve got him. Either way, Jensen's not ready to get into it. "No offense, friend, but I don't really want to talk about it." He shuts the door and climbs in the passenger seat.
They're quiet until they're on the freeway. "How was my holiday? It was good, Jensen. Thanks for asking," Misha says conversationally. "Actually, it's the damnedest thing. I was going to propose to Clare again on New Year's. Had a whole elaborate thing worked out." He looks over at Jensen, then back at the road. "There was a monkey involved. I won't get into it. So, we're opening presents Christmas morning and my last present is this little box. I look up and Clare's kneeling in front of me."
"She proposed?" Jensen is surprised enough to momentarily forget that he's sulking.
"She proposed." Misha's smile is wide and pleased. "Evil wench, just like her to ruin my most elaborate proposal yet."
"You said yes?"
"Of course!" Misha laughs and taps the steering wheel. "I'm a simple man, Jensen. As long as I get what I want, I'm not terribly picky about the hows. Plus, she was really adorably nervous when she asked. She never would have forgiven me if I'd said no. Tell her I said that and I'll kill you."
"Congratulations, man. Seriously," Jensen says sincerely. "I'm happy for you guys."
"Thanks." Misha glances over at Jensen again. "So, I get the feeling it isn't a great time for this, but you'll be my best man, right?"
"I—" Jensen's both surprised and incredibly flattered. Misha's a good friend. "Yeah, of course. As long as, you're not getting married like next week or anything, right?"
"Alas." Misha shakes his head. "If it were up to me, we would be. But now that my love has wrapped her mind around the idea, she's become quite enamored with the whole wedding affair. I think she's simply amusing herself more than anything else."
Jensen cracks a grin. "At least her parents can afford it."
"The universe smiles on me." Misha waves his hand dramatically and Jensen laughs. "It's an excuse to put it off a little longer, but the engagement ring is on her finger and I can be patient."
"You're pretty crazy about her." Jensen says it quietly, staring out the window at the dull, grey sky.
"From the very start," Misha confirms.
"Didn't that ever freak you out? To be so..."
"Vulnerable?" Misha rubs a hand over his mouth and shrugs. "It's not like she went out of her way to make it easy on me. But I guess at some point you have to let go and trust the other person not to destroy you."
Jensen swallows and shakes his head. He thinks of Jared, of how strained things have become between them. What he could have done differently, aside from the obvious. "How do you know if it's worth the risk?"
"You know me, Jensen. I'm a hopeless romantic." Misha's smile when he looks over at Jensen is sympathetic. "But you don't. People who say it's worth the risk are the ones who got lucky. It's like going to Vegas and going all in. If you win, of course it was worth it. Ask the guy who lost everything and he might have a different perspective."
"That's not exactly a helpful answer, man," Jensen tells him.
"I know." Misha stares at the road and frowns. "If I can't be helpful, I can at least try to be honest. But, for what it's worth, it took me eight years to get here. Sometimes it's not luck so much as persistence."
The living room is empty when Jensen walks in the house, as is the kitchen. He leaves his bags by the door and grabs a glass of water before heading upstairs. Jared is in his room, stuffing things into the duffle bag on his bed. He falters when he looks up to see Jensen standing there. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Just got here." Jensen looks at the bag and wonders at what point in this process it will stop feeling like he's being repeatedly kicked in the stomach. "So..."
"Yeah." Jared runs his hand through his hair and stares at the bed. "I thought maybe I'd stay with Chad for awhile. Until I found a place. I'll still pay my half of the bills until you find another roommate or whatever."
"I can afford to pay the fucking bills, Jared. Save your money." Jensen sounds tired, even to himself and he pushes away from the doorway, intending to go to his own room. Maybe try and sleep for the next three days or so.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, stopping him. "Jensen, please. What I said before, I didn't mean it like that. I don't think you're. That wasn't what I meant." He crosses his arms over his chest, then brings one hand up to rub his eyes. "I guess I just don't get—I know you can't help the way you feel. And I thought I could deal with it, but I can't. I can't watch you date and find someone and be happy with them and that probably makes me an asshole, but there it is."
Jensen freezes, his stomach dropping as he tries to make sense of Jared's rambling apology. He remembers Genevieve at Halloween saying something similar, about him being unable to help how he felt and he thought she meant his wanting Jared. Now he's pretty sure that isn't what she meant at all. "Jesus." He rubs his hand over his face and takes a step inside Jared's room, setting his water down on the dresser. "That thing we're not talking about, Jay? I think we're going to actually have to talk about it now."
"Jensen." Jared looks at him helplessly and Jensen decides to plunge right in.
"I'm in love with you. Like, completely messed up about it in love." Jensen shrugs. There you have it. "That's what I was going to tell you in Austin. I want you to stay because... I want you. Any way I can have you, man. I was going to tell you that, but I kissed you instead." He laces his fingers together behind his neck and looks up at the ceiling. "So, that was probably the wrong thing to do but it's—That was easier for me to do than to stand here and say this and, quite frankly, a lot more enjoyable." He laughs at himself and shakes his head. "When I said sex is just sex? That wasn't true with you. That wasn't just sex for me."
When Jensen finally risks looking at Jared, he looks like he can't quite track what Jensen is telling him.
Jared licks his lips and says, "When? I mean, how long?"
"Longer than I care to admit, I think. Before Brock, anyway. I hated that kid. But consciously?" Jensen drops his hands and rubs his palms against his thighs. Jared is still just staring at him, giving nothing away and Jensen has never felt so exposed in his life. "The night we went out with Jeff and Tom and you kissed me and I thought. I thought there was something there." He presses his lips together and tries for a smile. "So I came home, drunk, tried to kiss you, and you sent me to bed. The next morning when I tried to talk to you, you shut me down completely and I thought, 'Well, fuck. Got that one wrong.'"
"God." Jared sits down on the edge of his bed. He looks like he can't decide between laughing and crying. "I didn't want to hear you tell me that you loved me, but as a friend. I was sure you knew. I mean, I wasn't exactly subtle." He ducks his head to look at his feet before glancing back up at Jensen. "I was so jealous when I kissed you that night. I didn't think I would be, but it just hit me, like. We were standing there with this guy who'd completely screwed with your head and you still seemed so willing to do whatever he wanted."
That makes Jensen flinch. It's not completely true, but it's not a lie either. Jeff still had him tangled up and Jensen reacted to him without ever thinking about how it would seem to Jared, not once. Because it was Jared and Jared has always been whatever Jensen needed him to be.
"And then when you came home, I could hear you guys out on the porch and I just—" Jared cuts off with a shrug. "I kind of lost my mind there. Like, why should he get a second chance when I can't get a first?"
"I'm sorry," Jensen says quietly. He's just beginning to realize how clueless he's been and he feels like a complete asshole as a result.
"No, I didn't think that." Jared shakes his head. "I mean, I thought that, but I wasn't—I wasn't waiting for you, Jensen. I knew the deal and the random guys, the hooking up, that didn't bother me because they never meant anything. And if it's between sex with you and you? I could handle that." He claps his hands together, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Then you started dating."
Jensen laughs, because it's all so stupid and he's not sure he could have royally fucked this up more if he'd been actively trying. "I started dating to try and get over you. I can't believe, fuck." There's a swell of relief, optimism bubbling in his chest as he realizes they don't actually have anything to fight about. "Did we really just spend the past three months making each other this miserable over nothing?"
Jared gives him a slight, bitter smile. "Yeah, well, maybe that's a sign."
It takes a moment for that to register. "A sign." Jensen stares at him, incredulous. "You're joking, right? You aren't seriously telling me that now, when we're finally on the same page, you don't want this anymore."
"I don't know. I think that maybe it's not a good idea. Maybe there's a reason we were both so resistant to it."
"Maybe you're full of shit," Jensen counters. Jared only shrugs. "I'm not going to beg, Jay."
"I'm not trying to make you beg, Jensen. Jesus." Jared looks up at him, annoyed. "I just think maybe some time apart is a good idea."
"Right." Jensen nods and looks down at his feet. It's like he's trying to figure out how many times, in how many ways he can be actively rejected before he becomes a completely pathetic tool. He might be better off beating his head against a brick wall, expecting it to get softer at some point. "Fine. I'm going to go for a walk while you finish up here. Just." He waves his hand. "Let me know when you're ready to pick up the rest of your stuff."
It's cold out, but Jensen doesn't bother with his coat. He's too pissed, frustrated as he wanders around the neighborhood, the heels of his boots echoing as he stomps down the street. No doubt he looks like a madman, his arms crossed over his chest as he stalks nowhere in particular.
Jensen knows he hasn't always made the best decisions, that he can be selfish and, apparently, completely and idiotically oblivious. But he doesn't know what he should do, should've done differently. He still has absolutely no idea what Jared wants from him. Or maybe he does know and the answer is nothing. Jared wants him, but not enough to get past whatever this is and Jensen's not going to waste any more time waiting for him to change his mind. If this is the way Jared wants it, Jensen is officially done trying.
The sky is getting dark when Jensen finally heads home. He's freezing, hungry, exhausted and still gross from traveling. The house is dark when he gets there except for the light he left on in his bedroom. Jensen stops and pulls his shaving kit from his suitcase and heads to the bathroom.
He misses the shower's water pressure at his folks' house, but the heat helps and he stays in there until it runs out. Washes his hair and scrubs his skin until he realizes that he's freaking out in a crazy, compulsive sort of way and stops. When he leans his forehead against the shower, he frowns at the mildew and thinks that maybe tomorrow he'll go on a maniacal cleaning spree. Tonight he just wants to go to bed.
After rubbing the excess water from his hair, he wraps his towel around his waist and heads upstairs, leaving his clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor. No one is there to be bothered by his mess. It's kind of like freedom, being able to do whatever he wants, but in the shittiest possible way. Jensen doesn't want that kind of leeway in his life anymore. He wants someone to give a fuck.
It isn't until Jensen is walking down the hall to his room that he remembers he never went in there to turn the light on and he jogs the rest of the way. Jared is there, sitting on Jensen's bed, staring at his hands. He looks up when he hears Jensen and gives him a pathetic smile. "Hey."
"I thought you left," Jensen says. He stays hovering in the doorway, very aware that he's wearing nothing but a towel and Jared is on his bed.
"I did, actually. I, uh, I came back." Jared rubs his palms over his knees, his shoulders hunched, and takes a deep breath. "Can we have a do-over?"
"Starting where?" Jensen crosses his arms over his chest. The heat was off while they were gone and the house is still on the chilly side. It's not at all a self-protective gesture.
"I was thinking the part where you said you're in love with me and I can just say, 'Yeah, me too,' instead of the idiotic verbal diarrhea that actually happened." Jared looks at him hopefully. "I've been gone for you forever. I would have to be like—" He stops and gives an incredulous bark of laughter. "Like the dumbest motherfucker on the planet to walk away now."
Jensen shakes his head, not quite willing to believe what Jared's saying yet. He's waiting for the rug to be yanked out from under him again, but Jared only sits there, watching him expectantly. "Don't jerk me around, man," Jensen finally says. "You better be really fucking sure about this."
Jared throws both his arms in the air suddenly, grinning. "Sure! Like the old deodorant commercials?" He brings his arms in at his sides and says, "Unsure," in a tiny voice. Then he clears his throat, his smile dropping away. "Sorry. Bad joke. I'm sure."
"You're like the world's biggest dork." Jensen's heart still feels a little battered, but he wants to believe Jared, so he walks toward him, toward the bed and stops when he's standing between Jared's knees. For a moment he just stands there, looking down at him. Then he uncrosses his arms and reaches to card his fingers through Jared's hair.
"Yeah." Jared's eyes slide shut and he leans into Jensen's touch like a cat, tilting his face up. "Good thing I'm pretty, huh?" He opens his eyes again and licks his lips as he brings his hands up to Jensen's back, pulling him closer. His hands are hot and Jensen can feel them shake lightly as they move over him. "Jensen." Jared leans forward, his breath hitting Jensen's skin in hot puffs before he chases them with his mouth, planting soft little kisses across Jensen's belly.
It makes Jensen's muscles tense, anticipation and desire, and his chest aches like it can't quite handle this sudden reversal. He runs his fingers through Jared's hair, soft and silky, as Jared kisses him, making no move to go any further than that. As though he would be happy to suck kisses into Jensen's stomach all night while Jensen pets him. It's incredibly sweet and erotic at the same time, and Jensen finally moves his hands down to Jared's shoulders to push him down onto the bed.
Jared lets go of him long enough to scoot back and lay down and Jensen follows him, settling on top of Jared's body, the buttons of his shirt pressing into Jensen's bare skin.
"Hi," Jensen says softly and Jared beams up at him. That brilliant megawatt grin that makes Jensen laugh.
"Hi." Jared brings his hand up to Jensen's neck and pulls him down into a kiss, slow and thorough like he's trying to get it right this time. It's perfect, completely heady the way Jared opens underneath him, offers him everything as he trails his fingers lazily up Jensen's spine.
Jensen twists his body so that he can get his hand between them without disrupting his exploration of Jared's mouth. He undoes the buttons of Jared's shirt with one hand and pushes the material aside before settling back down, skin to skin. Jared breaks the kiss at that with a hiccupped sort of gasp and he stares at Jensen, his chest heaving.
"Sorry," Jared says after another moment. "Just making sure this is actually happening."
"Yeah." Jensen smiles and kisses him again. "It's definitely happening."
The next kiss is a little more urgent, desperate, dirtier as Jensen braces himself on his elbows and rolls his hips against Jared's. Jared bucks up against him, grabbing his ass and lining them up so that their erections are pressed together. It makes Jensen shake with how good it is, even through the layers of cotton and denim. "What do you want, Jay?" Jensen asks, panting against Jared's neck as his hips twitch helplessly.
By way of an answer, Jared rolls them, pushing up so that he's hovering over Jensen. "I want to see you."
"Okay." Jensen nods as Jared unwraps the towel from Jensen's waist without looking away from his face. He lifts his hips enough for Jared to tug it out from underneath him and then settles back down on the bed.
"God." Jared tucks his face against Jensen's neck and kisses there. Moves down and kisses over his heart, his stomach. Jensen actually twitches when Jared goes lower, but Jared bypasses his cock. Instead, he slides off the bed completely and kneels between Jensen's legs. "Let me know if you're not into it." Jared's breath is hot against the back of Jensen's thigh. Then he's spreading Jensen's cheeks with his thumbs and Jensen only has a second to actually process it before he feels the wet swipe of Jared's tongue against his hole.
"Fuck!"
Jensen thumps his head against the mattress and tries to bring his legs up to give Jared better access. Jared grabs his ankles and moves them so that Jensen's feet are braced against his shoulders. Then he leans in again, his tongue wet-hot on Jensen's skin, moving in soft, short licks at first, pausing every third or fourth time to wiggle the tip against Jensen's entrance, pressing in only a little before the licking starts again.
"Nobody likes a tease," Jensen grits out.
Jared hums against him, sending waves of pleasure up Jensen's spine before working him open in earnest. He spreads Jensen further with his thumbs and stabs his tongue inside, hot and eager, making hungry little noises as he goes.
It's way too much and Jensen can't decide if he wants to pull away or press back. "Jared, c'mon. Fuck. Fuck. I need—" He breaks off with an embarrassingly desperate sound when Jared pulls back and scrapes his teeth against Jensen's thigh before kissing the same spot.
"Do you have stuff?"
"Yeah." Jensen sits up when Jared moves away from him. "Yeah, I'll get it. You strip." He'll take his time next time, peel Jared's clothes of slowly, kiss each new inch of skin as he bares it, but right now he's too worked up. He wants Jared inside him, fucking him until he can't see straight. The thought alone is enough to make Jensen's dick throb as he fumbles in the nightstand drawer for condoms and lube.
By the time he finds them, Jared is standing in front of him, naked and gorgeous. It's a reversal of their earlier position and Jensen leans forward to kiss Jared's stomach. He smiles when he feels the muscles jump underneath his lips and leans back to tear the condom package open. Jared watches as Jensen pinches the tip, rolling the condom down slowly. Jensen's mouth goes dry at the sight of it, the shiny stretch of latex over Jared's cock, somehow more obscene this way. He traces his finger from the base to the tip before squirting some lube into his hand and smoothing it over Jared's dick, jacking him slowly until Jared grabs Jensen's shoulders and says his name.
Jensen slides back onto the bed, watching hungrily as Jared follows him, the way his muscles move under his skin, all sleek and predatory. Mine, Jensen thinks as Jared settles between his legs. It's an unexpected rush of possessiveness and Jensen grabs Jared's neck and pulls him into a messy kiss before laying back down and hiking his knees up around Jared's ribs.
Jared licks his lips and reaches down, positioning himself against Jensen's hole before pressing in slowly. His breathing is harsh as he slides in, as Jensen opens around him and Jensen can hear his own breath rattling in his lungs. It's not entirely comfortable as Jared presses in further and Jensen is taking big gulps of air as he tries to adjust. As much as Jensen wants this, turned-on as he is, Jared is still bigger than most and it's been a few months.
"Jensen." Jared stops halfway and leans down to kiss him, shallow and teasing as he inches forward.
"I'm good." Jensen presses his heels against Jared's back. The discomfort is already starting to fade and Jensen feels the restless pull of need as Jared slowly slides home. He reaches up and curls his fingers in Jared's hair, wrapping his other arm up to clutch at Jared's shoulder. "Not gonna break, Jay. Get to it."
"Pushy fucker." Jared's breath is still ragged, but he sounds amused. "Maybe I need a second, okay?" He rolls his hips, more of a tease than anything. "How do you want it?" Jared pulls out and slides back in with enough force to make Jensen grunt. "Like that?"
"Harder." Jensen grins at him and then arches back on the next thrust as Jared's balls slap against his ass. He tucks his legs up higher against Jared's sides, angling his hips the right way so that when Jared rocks back into him, his whole body lights up. "Yeah, yeah," Jensen pants out as Jared speeds up his pace. "Jared, please. Fuck."
Jared's only answer is the sexy little grunting noise he makes as he fucks Jensen stupid. He has Jensen spread wide, jostling him with every snap of his hips until Jensen's entire existence is centered on the slide and drag of Jared's dick. The way pleasure thrums through his veins, contracting in on him until he's shaking with it. He's ready to fly apart, but unwilling to let go quite yet.
"Can you come from this, Jen?" Jared's voice is rough and strained, breathless. "If I fuck you hard enough, will you come on my cock without being touched?"
Jensen makes a sort of whining noise as he nods, his fingers clenched in Jared's hair in a way that must be painful, but Jared doesn't seem to notice. He's clinging to the edge, greedy and wanting more.
"C'mon, Jensen." Jared groans and snaps his hips forward. "Do it. Let me see you. Let me—" He leans down and kisses Jensen, fast and rough and Jensen comes, shooting so hard his toes curl and he sees spots behind his eyelids. Jared pushes into him twice more before he's shaking against Jensen, his lips moving against Jensen's neck. If he's saying something, Jensen can't hear what it is over the thud of his own heartbeat.
After a moment, Jensen lets his legs fall away from Jared's body, back onto the bed as Jared slides out of him. Jared doesn't move away, though, only twists enough to get the condom off and tied. Jensen guides his hand until it's hovering over the trashcan and says, "You're good."
Jared lets go and it hits the bottom with a soft thunk. Jensen wiggles over toward the edge, keeping his hand on Jared's back so that he doesn't roll away, and he manages to snag his discarded towel off the floor. He grins in triumph as he brings it up to clean the mess off of their stomachs and then drops it back on the floor.
"Do you want me to move?" Jared asks against his neck, even as he settles back against him.
"No," Jensen says honestly. He scratches his fingers over Jared's scalp and stares at the ceiling. "I'm good."
"Hmm." Jared huffs out a breath and props himself up on his elbows so that he's looking down at Jensen. "Could we move it under the covers at least? My ass is getting a little chilly now."
"Dammit." Jensen fumbles for the edge of the blankets, pulling them down and trying to get under them without having to move. But Jared laughs and rolls away so he gives up and turns over, tugging the blankets back and sliding between the sheets. Jared joins him a second later, covering them back up in a warm little cocoon.
Jared doesn't crawl back between Jensen's legs, settling against his side instead. Jensen wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him closer, turning to smile at him when Jared presses a kiss against his cheek.
"You good?" Jensen asks.
"Pretty sure good doesn't cover it." Jared smoothes his hand over Jensen's chest, up until his fingers are curved against Jensen's neck, gently turning his head until they're kissing again, soft and lazy. "That was, I mean. Was that?" He doesn't finish the question and it takes Jensen a minute to figure out what Jared's asking, why he looks so suddenly shy.
"Seriously?" Jensen feels like laughing. He doesn't, but he allows himself to smile.
"I don't know. I mean, I've heard you rate every guy you've slept with for the past two years." Jared shrugs. "Sue me for being a little self-conscious."
"Jared." Jensen rolls onto his side so that they're facing each other. "Setting aside for the moment how incredibly mind-blowing that truly was, I don't think I've ever wanted anyone half as much as I want you. That makes a difference."
"Good to know. And, y'know. Same here." Jared smiles and pulls Jensen closer. "I still want the sex to be mind-blowing because I'm just that good."
"Well rest assured. You're a Goddamn stallion, Padalecki," Jensen says. "I'm going to pen odes to your dick on the morrow."
Jared laughs and kisses him again. "Hey. So, when we were in Austin and I was, um, taking off your shirt…"
"Straight on to bondage, huh?" Jensen grins widely and presses Jared back against the bed. "Yeah. You can tie me up, Jay. Scarves, handcuffs. Whatever floats your boat."
"Yeah?" Jared's breathing speeds up and his eyes are dark as he licks his lips. "You'd—That's something you'd be into?"
Jensen thinks about it, about being restrained while Jared fucks him and nods. "Because I trust you. If you want to try stuff, I'm good with that. I'll let you know if I don't like it."
"Fuck," Jared says on an exhalation and Jensen can feel his dick twitch against his thigh.
"Impressive." He raises an eyebrow. "What about you? Would you let me cuff you to the bed? Ride you so hard we'd both have trouble moving the next day?"
"Yeah." Jared nods slowly. "I think I'd be good with that."
"Oh good." Jensen leans forward and licks into Jared's mouth, getting lost in the taste and feel of him until they're both hard and panting again.
Jensen wakes up with Jared wrapped around him, his arm across Jensen's chest, their legs tangled together. It's a little warm with both Jared and the blankets, but Jensen's reluctant to move. He wants to stay here a while longer warm and lazy and sated. Then his stomach rumbles loudly, reminding him that he hasn't eaten in at least eighteen hours.
Behind him Jared stirs, kissing Jensen's shoulder before asking, "Was that your stomach?"
"Haven't eaten since my layover in Denver." Jensen stretches as Jared rolls away from him. "Do we have any food in the house?"
"A little. I went to QFC yesterday. Got a few basics. And I think we have a pizza in the freezer." Jared climbs out of bed and pulls his boxers on, then steps into his jeans.
"Jesus," Jensen says and he smiles when Jared glances up at him. "I don't know, man. There's something incredibly sexy about you getting dressed in the clothes you picked up off my floor."
"Yeah?" Jared leans over the bed and kisses Jensen hard. "Maybe it's knowing that they're gonna end up right back on the floor in another hour."
"Maybe." Jensen checks the clock. It's nearly three a.m. and he knows that in the few free days left before school starts back up, his schedule is going to be completely shot to hell. He can't bring himself to be too upset about that.
They make it downstairs and Jared pulls the pizza out of the freezer. There are actually two in there, which is good because one isn't quite enough to feed both of them. After Jared turns on the oven to heat, Jensen presses him up against the counter and kisses him until they hear the click of the heating light shutting off.
"Go take out your contacts," Jared says as he tears open the cardboard boxes.
"Anyone ever tell you you're kind of bossy?" Jensen walks into the bathroom and pulls his contacts out, washing them quickly before putting them in the case and sliding on his glasses.
"You like me bossy." Jared gives him that dimpled smile and Jensen has to kiss him again.
The pizzas bake for thirty-five minutes and they spend the whole time kissing and petting each other there in the kitchen, unwilling to stop long enough to even move it to the living room. Jensen feels like a teenager again, horny and out of control. They break long enough to pull the pizza out of the oven, only to start up again in the interest of letting it cool.
Jared ends up shoving their pants down around their hips, jacking them both off with one big hand right there in the kitchen. They clean up, eat their pizza and go straight back to bed.
"You know we're going to have to rejoin the real world at some point, right?" Jared is on his side, his head propped in one hand, tracing random patterns over Jensen's back with the other.
"Don't want to," Jensen mumbles. His eyes are mostly closed and he has no desire to move from where he is, content to let Jared continue his light, teasing touches. "Want to stay in porn world with my sexy boyfriend forever."
It's mid-afternoon and Jensen thinks they should call and have food delivered again; Jared thinks that it might be time to make a voyage to the grocery store.
It's a small point of contention.
"If we did that," Jared says, "we wouldn't be able to pay our rent. They'd come kick us out of the house."
"Hmphf," Jensen replies. "There's only one kind of rent in porn world."
Jared's laughter is cut off by a loud knock at the door. "The hell?"
Jensen opens his eyes and pushes up. He has no idea who would be here, since they haven't actually ordered food yet. "Probably Mormons or something. They heard about all the gay sex happening."
"Yeah," Jared says as he slides out of bed. "I heard they perfected their gay sex radar." He pulls on his pants, not bothering with underwear. "I'll go see who it is."
"You'll be sorry if it's the Mormons," Jensen mumbles. He gets up and pulls on a pair of sweats before following Jared downstairs. When he gets to the landing and hears who it is, he groans. So much worse than the Mormons.
"Ah, you are alive," Misha says with exaggerated relief. "I was just telling Jared here that when neither of you bothered to return any phone calls, emails or texts, we all started to think that maybe some sort of murder/suicide thing happened. We drew straws to see who was going to come check."
"We're fine, thanks."
"You know it's January, right?" Misha tilts his head and frowns. "You go around half-naked and you're gonna get sick."
"Goodbye, Misha," Jensen says, pushing the door shut and turning to lean against it.
"We were worried!" Misha shouts through the door.
"We probably should start talking to our friends again at some point." Jared sounds amused.
Jensen hooks his finger through Jared's belt loop and tugs him closer. "We can get new friends."
"Kay." Jared props his hands against the door on either side of Jensen's head and kisses him, presses in with his full body until Jensen's moaning into his mouth.
"Are you guys having sex in the entryway right now?"
"Misha, I swear to God." Jensen thumps his hand against the door and he can hear Misha laughing. "They're going to be insufferable, you know that, right?"
"They were already insufferable." Jared ducks down to kiss him again. "And we kind of deserve it."
"Whatever. You gonna fuck me right here in the entryway?" He grabs Jared's hips and grinds against him. "I mean, since we're here and all."
Jared grins and reaches back, fishing a condom out of his back pocket. "In case of emergencies."
"There are some in the bathroom too," Jensen tells him.
"My pants are closer." Jared shoves the condom back in his front pocket and grabs Jensen's hips, flipping him around so that he's facing the door. He fits himself up against Jensen's back and brings his hands up, stroking them down Jensen's arms until he reaches his wrists and wraps his fingers around them. "These stay here," he says, raising Jensen's hands over his head and pressing them against the door.
Jensen nods, his dick throbbing at the underlying command in Jared's voice. Jared runs his hands over Jensen's sides, around front to pet his stomach and then under the elastic of his sweats to stroke his cock.
"Every time I touch you I just want you more," Jared whispers against Jensen's ear. "How am I supposed to function like that?" He pushes Jensen's sweats down over his hips and then steps away.
There's the sound of Jared's jeans dropping and the crinkle of the condom wrapper, then he's back, slowly pushing into Jensen's body. Jensen is still slick and open from earlier and Jared slides right in, moaning low and dirty in Jensen's ear. "God, you feel so good." Jared's fingers tighten around Jensen's hips, pulling him back as he thrust forward. "Wanna stay inside you forever."
"Yeah." Jensen nods, his fingers curving against the door in his effort to keep his hands where Jared put them.
Jared has gotten progressively more talkative during sex. Filthy, romantic nonsense that should be ridiculous but somehow it works, gets Jensen so wound up that he's begging and whimpering and pressing back against Jared, trying to get more, trying to get Jared to keep talking.
"So good. So, so good." Jared kisses Jensen's neck, traces the shell of his ear with is tongue as he thrusts slow and steady, driving Jensen out of his mind. "I love you so much," he whispers, nuzzling against Jensen's jaw.
"Jared." Jensen curls his hands into fists, pushing back against Jared and trying to twist his head enough to kiss him. Jared's lips slide against the corner of his mouth, then he moves down to kiss Jensen's shoulder and Jensen can feel the smile he presses there. "Please."
"Mmmm." Jared hums against Jensen's skin and continues his unhurried pace, slow but forceful, knocking little grunts out of Jensen every time he slides home.
Pleasure washes over Jensen, building slowly until he's saying 'please' with every hitch of Jared's hips, his hands clenched into tight fists, nails biting into his palms. Finally, finally, Jared reaches around, slides his fist down over Jensen's dick as he pushes in and Jensen's done. His stomach tightens as he comes and Jared milks him through it, his hand slipping over Jensen more easily with his come coating his palm.
Jensen rocks back against him, bringing one hand down to cover Jared's where he's still gripping Jensen's hip. "Come on, Jay."
"Fuck." Jared bites down on Jensen's shoulder and wraps his arm around Jensen's waist, pulling him tight against his body, his hips twitching shallow, frantic thrusts and then he shudders. Says Jensen's name and kisses the spot he bit, soothing it with his tongue. "What were we even doing down here?" He sounds adorably sleepy.
"Answering the door." Jensen turns when Jared slips out of him and steals a kiss before bending down to pull up his sweats.
"Right." Jared snorts. "Well, hopefully Misha's not still out there." He ties off the condom and pulls up his jeans, not bothering to zip or button them.
They go to the bathroom to finish cleaning up and when they're done, Jensen crowds Jared up against the sink and kisses him. "Love you, too," he says against Jared's lips.
Jensen wins the food debate and they get pizza delivered and settle in on the couch to eat and watch TV. When Jensen checks his phone, he sees that there are actually fifteen missed phone calls, most of them from Misha, Clare and Sophia. One from Kristen and one from his brother. It makes him glad he called his mom that first morning to tell her they'd managed to work things out.
"Chad sends his love," Jared says, checking his own phone. He holds it out in front of Jensen so that Jensen can read the display.
told u he wanted 2 ride ur crotchrocket dillhole
Sophia sent a much sweeter, you two are fucking idiots, to Jensen.
The most recent text is from Misha. It says, Your mom told me everything. I drew the short straw. Everyone was jealous.
Of course Misha talked to his mom. "How long do you think we have to wait before we can see these guys again without catching a ton of shit from them?" Jensen asks as he tosses his phone on the table.
"Huh uh." Jared shakes his head. "We're gonna have to take our lumps on this one." He sets his plate aside and turns to stretch out on the couch, wiggling his feet behind Jensen until Jensen moves forward to give him room.
"I still say getting new friends is a viable option." Jensen scoots up and lies down on his side in front of Jared, facing the TV. Jared loops an arm around Jensen's waist and pulls him back, bending down to kiss Jensen's neck.
"I've almost got Chad housebroken. It'd be a shame to give him up now."
"I don't think shame is the word you're looking for there." Jensen snuggles back against him and feels his eyelids start to slide shut. He laces his fingers through Jared's and closes his eyes.
"We can go back upstairs," Jared says, but Jensen shakes his head.
"Not yet." He falls asleep a few minutes later.
Things settle back into something more normal once school starts up again. Jensen is back at work, Jared is back in classes and they have things to focus on other than each other. Which doesn't keep them from sneaking off and have sex on campus three times that first week, but it tapers off a little after that.
Their first actual fight happens about a month into things and it's over sleeping in Jensen's bedroom. Mostly, it's Jared being petulant, but they're still in a very intense honeymoon phase and Jensen is willing to indulge him. As soon as he figures out what exactly the problem is.
"We can sleep in your room if you want. I don't really care one way or the other." They're already in bed, of course, but Jared's room is down the hall. Moving wouldn't take that much effort.
"It's not the sleeping." Jared runs his hand through his hair and pushes his bottom lip out in a pout that Jensen will surely, at some point in the future, not find this ridiculously adorable. "It's the sex room."
"The..." Jensen has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing. "What if we repainted? Got new sheets? Went with a whole new color scheme."
"But. I like the color scheme. You look fucking hot in here, okay?" Jared seems genuinely irritated by this and Jensen is having a really hard time keeping a straight face.
"So, you're mad because you like it?"
The look Jared gives him suggests that he realizes just how idiotic this entire conversation is and he does not appreciate it being pointed out to him like he doesn't.
"What if we got a new bed?" Jensen grabs Jared's wrist and tugs.
Jared lets Jensen pull him closer, moving until he's hovering over him, his hands braced on either side of Jensen's head. "I'm listening," he says.
"California King, lots of room to maneuver." It's something he's been thinking about anyway, because neither of them are tiny. He can get it on sale at Macy's, do in-store credit and pay it off over a few months, no big deal. It's not exactly a huge concession on his part.
"Keep going."
"A bed that's just ours."
"I like that." Jared settles between Jensen's legs, kisses him hard and desperate.
Later, as they're getting ready to actually go to sleep, Jensen rolls over and settles on Jared's chest so that he's looking down at him. "I'm good with the new bed thing, but I want to make sure you know." He leans down and kisses Jared softly. "I've never been unfaithful to someone. Not ever. You have nothing to worry about there."
"I didn't— I'm not worried. I promise." Jared smiles sheepishly. "I might still be a little possessive sometimes."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, well. Just so long as you don't expect new bedroom furniture every time you decide to throw a tantrum, I think I can handle that."
"Maybe if you just got a tattoo," Jared says, pulling him down for a kiss. "My name across your shoulders. A portrait of me on your chest."
"Sure. As long as you're keeping your expectations realistic."
They're in the middle of converting Jared's old room into a guest room/office, but the project has been slow going. They'd decided to paint first and then Jared got caught up in schoolwork, leaving Jensen to work on it when he has time. Which Jensen doesn't mind, but it's not on the top of his priority list, either. He's supposed to be working on it now, but Misha called in need of a wedding-planning break, so they're at Zoka's getting coffee instead.
"Do you think Jared and I are moving too fast?" It's something that's been bothering Jensen a little. It doesn't feel like they're moving too fast, but it seems like maybe it should.
Misha stares at him for a moment as he sips his coffee. He finally says, "Not unless they've drastically changed the definition of the word fast, unbeknownst to me."
"We've only been together for a few months."
"You've only been having sex for a few months. You've been together for two years." Misha steeples his fingers and studies Jensen. "Are you two having problems? Fighting all the time? Have you discovered that you're irrevocably sexually incompatible?"
"Definitely not." Jensen grins and shakes his head. "None of the above." Things are so good it's a little creepy. Jensen had no idea things could just work like that.
"They quit trying to create drama. I have real problems." Misha actually seems mildly distressed, which is interesting.
"Oh yeah?" Jensen raises his eyebrows questioningly. "Such as?"
"Clare wants us to write our own vows."
"That's what you're stressing over? Seriously?" Jensen wants to laugh, but he feels like Misha might not appreciate it. "Dude, you've been proposing to this girl for eight years. You're worried about coming up with something to say for your wedding vows?"
"Of course not." Misha looks at him like he's an idiot. "I could write fifty different sets of vows without even thinking about it. It's not my vows I'm worried about."
Jensen does laugh, then. He can't help it. "I see. What is it, exactly, that you think she's going to say?" While he doesn't think Clare will actually do anything too outrageous during the wedding, Misha isn't totally insane for being concerned, either.
Misha takes another sip of his coffee and shakes his head. "I honestly have no idea."
"Sympathies, man."
"Thanks."
"Come on, gorgeous. Open up." Misha has one arm wrapped around Clare's waist and he's holding a huge chunk of wedding cake in the other. Clare is eyeing him with a justified amount of distrust.
"Misha, we agreed." She holds her finger up and the crowd of people watching laughs as she pulls Misha close to whisper something in his ear. She looks incredibly smug when she leans back.
"I know you don't mean that." Misha frowns at her and holds the cake up docilely, allowing her to take a normal bite without smashing it in her face.
Jensen gets pictures of the entire exchange and laughs when Clare smears frosting over Misha's lips.
"Gosh." Jared places his hand low in Jensen's back and whispers, "I hope those crazy kids make it."
The reception is at the community center, the room decorated in red and purple. They'd ended up going fairly low budget for everything in favor of providing booze. A decision that everyone seems on board with so far. Clare's sister is playing DJ with her ipod hooked up to the sound system and people are actually dancing, milling about, having a good time.
Jensen isn't really surprised that their wedding reception is just one more in a long line of successful parties that they've thrown.
"I want you to get incriminating photos of everyone once they're drunk," Misha tells Jensen as Clare dances with one of Misha's younger cousins. "Don't let me down."
"I'll do what I can, man. It was a nice ceremony, by the way."
"I'm still not sure how that happened." Misha laughs and rubs his chin thoughtfully. "We managed to behave like reasonable adults the entire time."
"Totally lost me fifty bucks with that," Jared says as he joins them with his newly acquired drinks. He offers Jensen the glass of champagne and smirks when he refuses.
Jensen grabs the whiskey out of Jared's other hand, shooting him a dirty look for bringing champagne anywhere near him. "What did Clare say to you? You know, with the cake thing."
"She, uh, threatened to withhold oral sex for an undisclosed number of months. I don't believe that she'd follow through with it, but it's something I'm unwilling to risk."
"Good call." Jensen claps Misha on the shoulder and nods.
Jared makes a noise of agreement and wraps his arm around Jensen's waist, pulling him up against him and kissing the side of his head. It's sweet and adorable and completely out of the blue. It makes Jensen smile until he sees Jeff approaching them, then it makes him want to laugh.
"Congratulations, Misha." Jeff shakes his hand and turns to acknowledge them. "Jared, Jensen. Good to see you boys again."
"Thank you, sir. You've met Jared?" Misha casts a suspicious glance at Jensen before turning back to Jeff.
"Yeah, yeah. We met last fall." Jeff smiles easily like they're all old friends.
"Interesting."
"So, uh, where's Tom?" Jensen asks before Misha can say more.
"I left him talking to Clare's mother."
"Alone?" Jensen smirks. "You're a sadistic bastard, Morgan."
Jeff laughs. "Oh, so that wasn't Jared I saw talking to her all alone earlier?"
When Jensen turns to look at Jared, he's glaring at him, a betrayed look on his face. "Totally different," Jensen says. "He thought I was exaggerating. You didn't believe me. That was your own damn fault."
"I would like to point out that you're discussing my mother-in-law." They all turn to Misha and he shrugs. "I just thought I'd point it out. Anyway, I have more people to charm, so I'll leave you to it." He points at Jensen. "Blackmail material, I'm serious."
They make small talk for a few more minutes after Misha leaves, until Tom joins them looking a little bit harried. Jensen smiles as they walk away and turns to press up against Jared.
"Why do you look so happy?" Jared asks, grinning down at him.
"I didn't notice before, but you're at least an inch taller than both Jeff and Tom." He pulls Jared down with his free hand and kisses him. "It's hot."
Jared snorts. "Size queen."
"Mmm." Jensen kisses him again and grins. "I love you to death, Jay, but if you ever call me any kind of queen again, you'll be the one going without oral for an undisclosed number of months."
"You don't mean that," Jared says against his lips.
"But you've got to ask yourself." Jensen kisses Jared hard and then slides out of his arms. "Is it worth the risk on the off chance that I do?"
It's nearly ten by the time they get back home and Jensen is buzzed and a little sleepy, but he wants to load the pictures onto his computer anyway to see how they turned out. He got some good shots at the reception. A bunch of Misha and Clare—the cake-eating, their first dance, Clare's dance with her father—all of the traditional stuff. He also took plenty of the guests and there are at least two or three in there that Misha could conceivably use for blackmail.
Jensen pauses on the picture of Jared dancing with the flower girl. He looks even more ginormous next to her and she's beaming up at him like he's made of rainbows and cotton candy.
It's easily the most insanely adorable thing Jensen has seen in his life, which is maybe why it takes him a minute to notice that there's a clear shot of Jeff in the background. He's holding a drink, his other hand in his pocket and he's smiling, but he looks more pensive than anything else. It's a good picture of him, sexy as hell if Jensen's being honest and he waits for the wave of sadness, loss or whatever to hit, but it's not there. He feels a little nostalgic, wistful, maybe, for the kid he once was, but that's all it is.
"Who is that handsome bastard?" Jared asks, hooking his chin over Jensen's shoulder. His breath is minty-fresh and he's all ready for bed.
"I was going to ask who the girl was."
"She didn't mean nothin', baby. I swear." Jared straightens as Jensen stands up. "Can I look?"
"Sure." Jensen waves at his computer. "I'm going to go take my contacts out."
Jared's still at the computer when Jensen comes back into the living room and it takes a moment for him to realize that he's not looking at the wedding pictures anymore.
"Jensen." Jared turns to him, his eyes bright with barely-suppressed amusement. "Did you know there's a whole folder in here with my name on it?" He tilts the screen to show Jensen the picture he's looking at.
It's from a Saturday morning a few weeks ago. Jared is sleeping on his stomach, his head tucked into the crook of his elbow, the sheet rumpled down around his waist. Between where his arm is placed and the way his hair is falling, only part of his profile is visible, his nose and the curve of his lips. The picture is fairly blatant Jared worship on Jensen's part and he's a little embarrassed that Jared found it.
"I look hot," Jared says.
"Glad to see those self-esteem classes are helping." Jensen reaches over his shoulder to grab the mouse. He closes the folder, makes sure everything is saved and shuts the computer down.
"Yeah, well, have you seen my boyfriend? Creepy voyeuristic tendencies aside. " Jared turns and grins at him. "I'd have to be pretty awesome to land a guy like that."
"Yeah, I guess you would."
"You okay?" Jared frowns. "You seem kinda blah."
"Introspective, maybe." Jensen sets his hands on Jared's shoulders and starts kneading them absently, smiling when Jared groans and leans his head back against Jensen's stomach. "Just thinking about Misha and Clare. It's kind of funny how things work out. If I hadn't needed a random credit filled, I wouldn't have taken the class Misha was TAing for, we wouldn't have become friends, I wouldn't have met Sophia and you'd still be Hot Gym Guy."
"You're leaving out the part about if Sophia hadn't started dating Chad."
Jensen sighs. "I hate to credit Chad with even a small part in my happiness."
Jared stands and turns around, pulling Jensen into a hug. "So the world is comprised of random chances and circumstance?"
"Maybe." Jensen shrugs. "Or maybe we manage to find the people we're meant to know at the time in our lives when we're ready for them."
"Ooooh, profound," Jared says. "You should work for Hallmark with that shit."
"Fuck you." Jensen shoves him away, laughing. "I was being deep." He turns to head upstairs, Jared following close behind him.
"No, I totally got that. Lay more on me, Siddhartha. I'm an empty vessel."
"Not arguing that one." He's halfway down the hall when Jared grabs his wrist and pulls him back, pressing him up against the wall. "You couldn't make it the three more feet to the bedroom?"
Jared smiles and shakes his head as he leans in. Jensen tilts his head up to meet him and they're kissing, one of those slow intense kisses that make Jensen think the whole world could come apart around them and they'd never even notice.
"Bed," Jared says when he pulls back.
Jensen's not going to argue that one either.
Back to the Master Post
Over to the Art Post
(6/21/10) ETA: I am behind on comments, but I promise I will respond to y'all!! It might take me a few days, but I totally will! Cross my heart! ♥!!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 10:56 am (UTC)Thank you for being an amazing author and a wonderful person to work with!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 11:24 am (UTC)*squishes* Thank you for being so rad and making the process so much fun!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 01:36 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for sharing.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:37 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading and commenting!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 03:06 pm (UTC)And - as JDM girl, I also appreciate that even he had the opportunity to grow up a little as well.
Thank you oh so much for sharing.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:40 pm (UTC)I have much love for JDM as well, so I'm glad his storyline didn't disappoint. I definitely didn't want him to be a villain!
Thank you for reading!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 03:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 03:27 pm (UTC)The pacing was incredible, the story was incredibly satisfying to read, the characters were loveable, even Chad! LOL!
Loved it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:42 pm (UTC)Aww, thank you so much!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 03:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 04:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 04:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 04:55 pm (UTC)Misha is wonderful, and I love Clare. I'm relieved you used an OFC and not Vicki.
The shoutouts to Show were very nice. I loled when Jensen asked Jeff who would believe they were father and son, ngl.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 02:57 pm (UTC)Thank you!!! I enjoy writing Misha to an absurd degree. Yeah, I briefly considered it (as well as other actresses), but I know NOTHING about Vicki and I had a very specific idea of what I wanted her personality to be like, so I figured OFC would be safer.
Thank you!! Yay!! I enjoy making people laugh.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 04:58 pm (UTC)But then I thought a)
OMG BEST DECISION EVER!!!
This was wonderful. I'm always wary about stories that focus on relationships' development without some other plot framework, but the reason I'm usually nervous about that is that they're rarely written believably and there's often too much angst to be real. In other words, they are not this story.
Because this story is completely believable, what with everyone having foibles and flaws and issues of his/her own (you get super extra bonus points for Clare, btw, who is an OFC I completely adore). Watching them all work out their lives and their relationships was delightful and real, and seeing all the varieties of Jensen and Jared's moods made it all ring oh so true.
That's what really sold me on this whole thing: how true it all felt. Even down to details like Jared checking to make sure if Jensen was OK with a rim job, which might seem like an odd detail to pick out, but (apart from being hot as hell) totally further cemented the concreteness and reality of how that scene felt.
So thank you for writing such a lovely piece of fiction about watching relationships and individuals grow. And thank you for providing me with an excellent few hours of procrastination.
Seriously, SO GLAD I clicked on in despite JDM.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-11 08:45 am (UTC)OK, I will stop loving on your story now. Though that is quite the challenge.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 03:46 pm (UTC)Dude! I don't even know how to respond other than to sit here and bounce like a giddy gleeful puppy!!! I'm SO GLAD you enjoyed it!! I'm glad you think so-- that makes me happy Thank you so so so so much!!!! *glees*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 05:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 03:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 05:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 03:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 06:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 06:18 pm (UTC)I just love this so hard I could absolutely die. Seriously, this is a ten out of ten for me; it has EVERYTHING I LOVE. JDM (which, spot on, who doesn't have a daddy kink for Sir?), a break up (my favorite; total angst whore), Misha's existence, great background characters, absolutely perfect J2 platonic friendship, the misunderstandings and ridiculousness before the two boys finally getting their act together, and, you know, porn, which is basically the best thing ever. Just, absolute love. This is in my top ten fics ever, for sure (and that's seriously saying something, because I actually have a top ten list, cause I'm that much of a weirdo).
Specifically, this line absolutely stood out:
Like, oh man, poor Jared. But then he was just like, a big stupid adorable loser about it, and they s.t.i.l.l. didn't hook up. That was like, the most amazing break up moment that wasn't even technically a break up. And then after that, when they managed to get on the same page, that was so great. Most fics end when the couple finally gets together, and this one just. kept. going. I was all, YES, KEEP EXISTING, FIC. LET ME READ YOU FOREVER. Seriously, I got to the end and it was traumatic. Like, how could you leave me, words? I really thought we had something special going on here.
Anyway, just AMAZING. So, so great. Also, one tiny other thing, because I guess I feel like this comment isn't long and embarrassing enough, I love so hard that this fic takes place in Seattle. I'm in the Portland/Vancouver area right now, but I used to live there. I've moved around a lot, mostly all within the Pacific Northwest, so the setting here was just a happy little bonus. It was like the cherry on top of the sundae on top of the enormous tower of happiness, for real. Kudos on your wonderfulness; this was just absolutely lovely.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:18 pm (UTC)I'm so terribly giddy and flattered that you enjoyed it so much!!! Like, I just keep reading it and bouncing and flailing around with glee. I'm so happy you liked Sir (I have, since posting, discovered that there are people who sincerely DON'T! This came as a genuine shock to me. WHO KNEW?) Also, I kind of love that you have a top ten list! ♥
Okay, and this:
I was all, YES, KEEP EXISTING, FIC. LET ME READ YOU FOREVER. Seriously, I got to the end and it was traumatic. Like, how could you leave me, words? I really thought we had something special going on here.
I LoL'd IRL.
YAY!!! I'm excited to hear that it passes local standards!
Thank you so so so so much for the glorious feedback!! ♥♥♥!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 07:03 pm (UTC)EDT: Will be included in next week's
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:20 pm (UTC)Awww, thank you!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 07:15 pm (UTC)I am not a JDM person at all and I have never ever read a jdm/jensen pairing, Im a little possessive lol and I only ever want to read Jensen with Jared. But you completely sold Jeff/jensen to me and my heart broke for Jensen when they ended.
I am a Jared girl through and through and I loved him in this atory...I love how much in love he was with Jensen and jensen just couldnt see it. I love how Jensen just grew up in this story and I could cheerfully have gone on another four or five chapters of just Jared and Jensen being so in love like the final chapter. God I loved it.
Thank you so much for this story.
Im off to rec it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 07:25 pm (UTC)I would have been the same!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 07:23 pm (UTC)All in all - printing this one to read over and over and over again.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 08:12 pm (UTC)I have to say I really loved this fic, one of my favorites so far. The emotional growth of all the characters was well done. The OC Clare was really cool. I also didn't feel like I was reading over 80,000+ words, because the pacing was really well done. Well done.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 08:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 10:06 pm (UTC)So while I was sort of making faces at Part I, I still kept going because you told a wonderful story. Your writing was engaging, your Misha and Clare were hilarious, and you even had me buying into the JA/JDM romance (with reserve haha). But once I hit Part II, I was practically curling my toes with glee because I knew I was committed and I knew that you would deliver. You so absolutely did. :D
The ease of the friendship between Jensen and Jared made me so happy - to the point where I think I would've even been okay if they hadn't ended up together! Blasphemy, I know. But even though I as a reader knew what you were doing with the conflict and crossed wires, it was such a fun and emotional ride to see them slowly figure it out. (I love the rom com storyline, I admit it. It's emotionally satisfying for me when done well and you did it really well, imo.)
I also wanna say you really, really hit a believability kink for me when you had Jensen jealous over Brock but not being a total douchebag about it. I am weird about how jealousy is handled in fics a lot of times because while it can be hot, often it just makes me uncomfortable because the author's actually unintentionally showing how much the two guys don't trust each other or don't actually want the best for each other despite the "of course they're meant to be!" brush the fic is supposed to be painted with. So I'm very, very happy you handled that so well.
Um, the UST was scorching and oftentimes I'm bored by the time the actual sex happens, but not in this case. And by the end of this fic I actually was curling my toes in glee because you carried the fic past Jared and Jensen getting together and showed us that they were actually really good together beyond just the sex.
And I know this is turning into an essay but I also want to add that I thought you dealt with Jeff in Part II realistically; I'm glad you brought him back again at the wedding; the fic did not drag on at any point because your pacing was pitch-perfect - and god I could ramble on forever but I will stop.
This is going to be one of my favorite J2 fics of all time, I think, and one I will rec a lot. Sorry I basically wrote you a thesis, but I hope this gives you an idea of how much I loved this fic. ♥!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 05:20 pm (UTC)Okay, I don't even know how coherent I can be in the face of such wonderful feedback. I'm very sincerely flattered that you enjoyed it so much!!
I also wanna say you really, really hit a believability kink for me when you had Jensen jealous over Brock but not being a total douchebag about it.
Thank you!!! I totally have a jealousy thing, too- I'm very picky about how it's handled (at some point it stops being hot and starts being creepy, imo). So I'm very glad you liked it!
Um, the UST was scorching and oftentimes I'm bored by the time the actual sex happens, but not in this case. And by the end of this fic I actually was curling my toes in glee because you carried the fic past Jared and Jensen getting together and showed us that they were actually really good together beyond just the sex.
Ahhhhhh, this makes me SO HAPPY!!! I tend to write stuff that I want to see in fic and I am such a sucker for UST, it's not even funny! (And I'm much the same wrt sex scenes, so I'm glad that it wasn't boring!!)
Seriously, thank you so so much for such wonderful feedback!!! It totally made my week!!! ♥♥&hearts!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 10:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-12 05:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-10 10:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-06-12 05:22 pm (UTC)