SPN Coda: 5x13
Feb. 6th, 2010 01:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
errant_janeI keep thinking I should have a tag that says, "I am often ridiculous" but then I think it would be useless as it would apply to 95% of my entries. Whatever. I blame this on Sam and how much I love his stupid face. Thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
coiledsoul for the read-through!
The Song Remains The Same Coda
***
"And if you could save Mom? What would you say?"
Dean lets the question hang in the air, unsure of how to respond. Finally, he finishes his drink and says, "I'd say I'm way too sober for this conversation. What'dya say we get a little shitfaced, Sammy? I think we've earned it."
For a moment it looks like Sam is going to protest. Then he makes that face, the one Dean recognizes as Sam's I'm letting it go face, smiles and says, "Yeah, actually. That sounds good."
"Excellent." Dean takes one last look at Castiel who, despite being unconscious, appears okay enough, and gestures toward the table.
Sam sprawls in the outside chair and pours the next round as Dean sits down. "What should we toast to?"
"To Cas," Dean says, knocking his glass against Sam's.
"To Cas." Sam takes a sip, doesn't look up. "Did we make the right choice? In not letting Anna—"
"Kill you?" Dean huffs and shakes his head. "That wasn't a plan, that was a bucket of crazy."
"Are you sure?" Sam leans forward, intent and earnest now, which is possibly Dean's least favorite combination on Sam. "What if it could be that easy? What if this could just be over? Without." He stops, empties his glass in one long swallow and then looks back at Dean. "What if it didn't have to be you?"
"Cut it out, Sam." There is no angle there that Dean wants to examine too closely. So he pours another round and sits back. "I'm not going to kill you and I'm sure as hell not going to let anyone else do it." He raises his glass before Sam can protest and says, "To Mom. She was an amazing woman."
"She really was, wasn't she?" Sam looks away again. "I wish—" He stops. Laughs at himself and says, "Yeah, well. Yeah. To Mom."
Dean remembers, then. How limited Sam's frame of reference for Mom really is. The few stories he heard as a kid and an apology from her spirit a few years back. And now this.
He tries to lighten it up, as much as that's possible. The next toast is to the Impala, the one after that to 70's moustaches going out of fashion. Dean's starting to feel nicely buzzed at any rate. Then Sam pours a round and raises his glass.
"To Dad."
"Yeah, okay." Dean can't quite keep the skeptical expression off of his face. "To Dad."
"I know." Sam smirks. "It's just, I get it now. He loved her so much and to lose her like that—I get how crazy that kind of grief can make you. It's amazing he kept it together enough to raise us like he did."
"C'mon, Sam." Dean looks down at his glass, swirls it around for the excuse to have something to watch. "You held it together pretty well after Jess died, all things considered." The silence that follows stretches too long and Dean finally has to look up. He frowns at the incredulous expression on Sam's face. "What?"
"Dean." Sam starts and stops a couple of times. Finally he sighs and closes his eyes. "I wasn't talking about after Jess died."
There's no way for Dean to respond to that, his mind blanks reflexively. It's somewhere he can't go, not now, so he drinks instead.
"Right. Anyway." Sam sighs. "It's just funny. I spent so many years hating him and now I— He was a good man. I wish I could be half the man he was."
Dean looks at Sam, really looks, and he's surprised to see a man sitting where his kid brother should be. At some point in the past few years while Dean was busy trying not to lose his mind, Sam grew up. Dean either missed the memo or simply ignored it completely. Probably the latter.
"You're a good man, Sam," he finally says.
"Right." Sam raises his glass in a mock salute.
"No, I mean it. I do." Dean looks down at the table, lets his focus go fuzzy. "I'm not saying I'm good with everything that's happened. You've made some shit choices. Dad did too. Actually." He stops and grins. "Our family doesn't have the greatest track record with stellar decision-making. But we play the hand we're dealt and the cards have been stacked against us since the beginning of time, apparently."
Sam actually smiles at that and Dean finds himself returning it automatically.
"My point is, despite everything, through all of the shit we've gone through our entire lives, you still have this incredible faith. That people can do the right thing, that there's hope in the world." He has to stop, clear his throat. "Even at your worst, you were still trying to help people. You have a good heart, Sam. It's why you're not going to say yes. It's why I'm proud to be your brother."
"I, uh." Sam isn't looking at him and Dean pretends not to notice when he brings his hand up and hastily brushes his fingers against his eyes. "Thank you," he finally says.
"Yeah, well." Dean tops off their drinks, surprised to find they've come to the end of the bottle already. "To family," he says. "Fucked up as ours is, it's good to know we aren't the worst out there. Not by a long shot."
"Cheers."
Dean thinks about their dad, the man that Mom had fallen in love with. He wonders if she would have still loved the hunter he turned into. "Do you think it would have made a difference?" he asks. "If Dad had known that Mom didn't want us to be hunters?"
"No." Sam's answer is immediate and decided. "He might have felt guilty about it, but ultimately? She wasn't there and he was. He did what he thought he had to do."
"Yeah, maybe," Dean says, surprised by the vehemence of Sam's answer. "I just think, I don't know, seeing him like that. I sort of wish we could've been raised by the man who loved Mom, not the one who lost her."
Sam makes a half-amused noise and nods. "Sure," he says. "In a perfect world."
"In a perfect world." Dean tries to imagine it, Mom fixing them dinner, Dad helping with homework. Sam free and uncomplicatedly happy. He can't even get the beginnings of that picture, let alone where he'd fit into it. "I'll drink to that."
coiledsoul for the read-through!The Song Remains The Same Coda
***
"And if you could save Mom? What would you say?"
Dean lets the question hang in the air, unsure of how to respond. Finally, he finishes his drink and says, "I'd say I'm way too sober for this conversation. What'dya say we get a little shitfaced, Sammy? I think we've earned it."
For a moment it looks like Sam is going to protest. Then he makes that face, the one Dean recognizes as Sam's I'm letting it go face, smiles and says, "Yeah, actually. That sounds good."
"Excellent." Dean takes one last look at Castiel who, despite being unconscious, appears okay enough, and gestures toward the table.
Sam sprawls in the outside chair and pours the next round as Dean sits down. "What should we toast to?"
"To Cas," Dean says, knocking his glass against Sam's.
"To Cas." Sam takes a sip, doesn't look up. "Did we make the right choice? In not letting Anna—"
"Kill you?" Dean huffs and shakes his head. "That wasn't a plan, that was a bucket of crazy."
"Are you sure?" Sam leans forward, intent and earnest now, which is possibly Dean's least favorite combination on Sam. "What if it could be that easy? What if this could just be over? Without." He stops, empties his glass in one long swallow and then looks back at Dean. "What if it didn't have to be you?"
"Cut it out, Sam." There is no angle there that Dean wants to examine too closely. So he pours another round and sits back. "I'm not going to kill you and I'm sure as hell not going to let anyone else do it." He raises his glass before Sam can protest and says, "To Mom. She was an amazing woman."
"She really was, wasn't she?" Sam looks away again. "I wish—" He stops. Laughs at himself and says, "Yeah, well. Yeah. To Mom."
Dean remembers, then. How limited Sam's frame of reference for Mom really is. The few stories he heard as a kid and an apology from her spirit a few years back. And now this.
He tries to lighten it up, as much as that's possible. The next toast is to the Impala, the one after that to 70's moustaches going out of fashion. Dean's starting to feel nicely buzzed at any rate. Then Sam pours a round and raises his glass.
"To Dad."
"Yeah, okay." Dean can't quite keep the skeptical expression off of his face. "To Dad."
"I know." Sam smirks. "It's just, I get it now. He loved her so much and to lose her like that—I get how crazy that kind of grief can make you. It's amazing he kept it together enough to raise us like he did."
"C'mon, Sam." Dean looks down at his glass, swirls it around for the excuse to have something to watch. "You held it together pretty well after Jess died, all things considered." The silence that follows stretches too long and Dean finally has to look up. He frowns at the incredulous expression on Sam's face. "What?"
"Dean." Sam starts and stops a couple of times. Finally he sighs and closes his eyes. "I wasn't talking about after Jess died."
There's no way for Dean to respond to that, his mind blanks reflexively. It's somewhere he can't go, not now, so he drinks instead.
"Right. Anyway." Sam sighs. "It's just funny. I spent so many years hating him and now I— He was a good man. I wish I could be half the man he was."
Dean looks at Sam, really looks, and he's surprised to see a man sitting where his kid brother should be. At some point in the past few years while Dean was busy trying not to lose his mind, Sam grew up. Dean either missed the memo or simply ignored it completely. Probably the latter.
"You're a good man, Sam," he finally says.
"Right." Sam raises his glass in a mock salute.
"No, I mean it. I do." Dean looks down at the table, lets his focus go fuzzy. "I'm not saying I'm good with everything that's happened. You've made some shit choices. Dad did too. Actually." He stops and grins. "Our family doesn't have the greatest track record with stellar decision-making. But we play the hand we're dealt and the cards have been stacked against us since the beginning of time, apparently."
Sam actually smiles at that and Dean finds himself returning it automatically.
"My point is, despite everything, through all of the shit we've gone through our entire lives, you still have this incredible faith. That people can do the right thing, that there's hope in the world." He has to stop, clear his throat. "Even at your worst, you were still trying to help people. You have a good heart, Sam. It's why you're not going to say yes. It's why I'm proud to be your brother."
"I, uh." Sam isn't looking at him and Dean pretends not to notice when he brings his hand up and hastily brushes his fingers against his eyes. "Thank you," he finally says.
"Yeah, well." Dean tops off their drinks, surprised to find they've come to the end of the bottle already. "To family," he says. "Fucked up as ours is, it's good to know we aren't the worst out there. Not by a long shot."
"Cheers."
Dean thinks about their dad, the man that Mom had fallen in love with. He wonders if she would have still loved the hunter he turned into. "Do you think it would have made a difference?" he asks. "If Dad had known that Mom didn't want us to be hunters?"
"No." Sam's answer is immediate and decided. "He might have felt guilty about it, but ultimately? She wasn't there and he was. He did what he thought he had to do."
"Yeah, maybe," Dean says, surprised by the vehemence of Sam's answer. "I just think, I don't know, seeing him like that. I sort of wish we could've been raised by the man who loved Mom, not the one who lost her."
Sam makes a half-amused noise and nods. "Sure," he says. "In a perfect world."
"In a perfect world." Dean tries to imagine it, Mom fixing them dinner, Dad helping with homework. Sam free and uncomplicatedly happy. He can't even get the beginnings of that picture, let alone where he'd fit into it. "I'll drink to that."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 07:11 pm (UTC)I think I'm getting a bit into Supernatural again, now that we've got Cas back and hopefully less filler eps to look forward to.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 07:45 pm (UTC)I love them soooooooo much!! I couldn't quit this show if I tried.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 07:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 08:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 08:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 09:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:03 pm (UTC)Oh Ow.
I really liked Dean's skepticism here, it felt very true to the character, because I think he came into his doubt about John so much later than Sam that he's still processing it, barely able to be angry about it, where Sam's had a good ten years to come out the other side and forgive.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:43 pm (UTC)Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:33 pm (UTC)(But other than that, I really loved this coda).
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:46 pm (UTC)*coughs* Sorry. I have lots of Dean thoughts.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 10:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-06 11:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 12:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 02:06 am (UTC)I also agree with your comment to
I appreciate this ode to Sam's stupid face muchly.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 02:31 am (UTC)They do! They do talk and have these conversations! I just know it!!!
*grins* Thanks!
I love his stupid face of awe and parental love!! SAM!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 02:51 am (UTC)I too am convinced that this conversation (complete with the mustache toast) actually happened!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 02:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:46 pm (UTC)Hee! I would like to see anyone prove otherwise!! ;D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-07 04:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-12 09:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-02-14 10:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-14 01:29 pm (UTC)What they need to say - what they need to hear - and of course, they won't be that uninhibited without the bottle, but I'll take it!
I hope when TPTB decide they're ready, they give us something like this!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-14 05:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-15 02:47 am (UTC)I loved this a lot. <333
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:54 pm (UTC)Thank you so much!! ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-13 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-21 07:54 pm (UTC)