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errant_janeTitle: Just Give Up and Admit You're an Asshole
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, some Jensen/Tom
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: Approximately 9K
Summary: Looking back on it, Jensen thinks that his mistake was in not just fucking Jared straight off.
Warnings: The working title for this was, J2 in which Jensen is a dick. So, there's that.
Notes: This started out with me thinking, "Ha ha, dick!Jensen would be hilarious!" Um, it got a little out of control from there. Also, I borrowed rather shamelessly from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ethrosdemon's old WBrps, which is to say, this Welling is heavily inspired by hers. Thanks to rhythmsextion for cheerleading on this, even though it took me another month and a half to finish it.
Title from Ani Difranco's As Is.
Just Give Up and Admit You're an Asshole
The first time Jensen meets Jared, he thinks, You've got to be kidding me. This ridiculously attractive, bouncy puppyish manchild was going to be playing Sam Winchester?
He shakes Jared's hand and doesn't miss the once-over Jared gives him. It's not all that overt, but it's a frequent enough occurrence for Jensen to recognize it for what it is.
"Shit, son. Where in Texas are you from?" Jensen asks.
Jared smiles wide and easy and pleased. "San Antonio."
Now, typically Jensen is pretty good about not crapping where he eats, but, Christ. This kid. There's nothing to say he can't have a little fun, right?
***
When Jensen arrives at Tom's place, Rosenbaum is there which is sort of obnoxious. But it looks like he's leaving, so Jensen can play nice for a few minutes. It's not that he really has a problem with Mike. It's more, Mike wasn't exactly the getting laid kind of guy in high school and even though he's drowning in pussy now, Jensen thinks that maybe he still resents guys who look like him and Tom.
But Mike and Tom seem to get along alright, so maybe it's just that he thinks Mike's a douchebag.
"So what are you girls up to tonight?" Mike asks. "Braiding each others hair? Telling ghost stories?"
"Getting drunk and talking shit about our obnoxious coworkers, probably." Jensen smiles and Tom rolls his eyes.
"You piss off your costar already, Ackles?"
"Go the fuck home, Mike," Tom says.
Mike grins smarmy and raises his hand. "I'm out."
Jensen doesn't ever ask what their deal is. He's sure he doesn't want to know.
"How is the new wife?" Tom calls out as Jensen walks into the kitchen to grab himself a beer.
"Jared?" Jensen shrugs, even though Tom can't see him. "He's from Texas." This goes a long way in Jensen's book, if not Tom's. "What'd you think of him when y'all worked together?"
When he walks back out into the living room, Tom is sitting on the couch doing lines off the coffee table. Jensen grins and sits down next to him. "You know, I think it's really adorable that you're afraid to get coked up in front of Mike."
"Fuck you." Tom smiles as he wipes his nose. "I thought Jared was a little bitch."
To be fair, Tom says this about everyone. "You're just feeling a little inadequate because he's taller than you." He pets Tom's leg. "It's okay."
"You like that, huh? Does it make your girl parts quiver?"
"Wait, I thought Jared was the girl."
Tom smirks. "He is. You're a fucking lesbian."
Jensen laughs and then takes a swig of his beer. Coke's never been his thing, but he really loves Tom when he's high. Not only is he much less of an asshole, but he forgets to pretend like he doesn't love sucking cock. This always works out well for Jensen.
The first time it happened, they were out at a bar, completely shit-faced and Tom followed him into the bathroom. Did a line and then dropped to his knees like he was in a goddamn porno. Didn't get caught that time, but Jensen tries to make sure that they're somewhere a little more private after that.
Like clockwork, Tom reaches for the button to Jensen's jeans, but Jensen slaps his hand. "If you're gonna do it, get on your knees and do it right." Jensen feels that, unless you're in a car, there's no reason to come at it from the side.
Tom glares at him like they don't both know that he's going to be crawling between Jensen's knees in about two seconds. The thing is, Tom really loves sucking cock. Jensen rubs his hand over his crotch and grins. Fucking Pavlovian. Tom does a bump and Jensen gets hard.
Sure enough, Tom slides off the couch, landing on his knees hard enough that Jensen winces in sympathy as he undoes his jeans and pushes them down, but Tom doesn't seem too bothered. He just moves until he's between Jensen's legs and Jensen slides down on the couch a little, spreading his thighs more because he's accommodating like that.
"The thing is—" Jensen's breath hitches as Tom bends down and takes the head of his cock into his mouth. He runs his fingers through Tom's hair, watches the stretch of his lips as they move down his cock. "The thing is, what do I want to do about Jared?"
Tom moves up, as if to pull off and Jensen clenches his fingers in his hair to hold him there. Waits until Tom's eyes flick up to say, "This conversation doesn't actually require your input, cowboy. Keep on keepin' on."
The first few times this happened, Jensen came faster than he liked because Tom gives head like a pro. He found that talking makes it last a little longer and really, Tom would happily suck him for hours if he could.
"I mean, I don't think he realizes he's not entirely straight. Which isn't really a problem, of course. Wouldn't take much to convince him to suck me off. Couple beers. Some coke, maybe?" He tugs on Tom's hair a little and laughs when Tom ignores him. "I could fuck him."
Tom moans at that and Jensen thrusts up into his mouth in response, because fucking Christ. "Like that idea?" he asks and Tom really must, because he's jacking himself off. Usually he waits until Jensen's finished and then disappears into the bathroom like Jensen doesn't know what he's doing.
Welling is nothing if not a fucking head-case.
"I could fuck him. Fucking Gilmore Girls? He's so sheltered and, fuck. Innocent. Yeah, like that." He starts fucking Tom's mouth in earnest, just like always. And just like always, Tom moans like a porn star and takes it. "I could make him think it's his idea. Make him beg me—"
He's watching Tom's head bob, his perfect mouth moving over Jensen's dick, but what he's thinking about is Jared. About bending him over and fucking him hard. Fast and dirty the first time. About Jared begging him harder and more and please.
"Fuck." Jensen groans, pushing his hips up as he comes in Tom's mouth. Twitches as he feels Tom swallowing around him and realizes he's still holding Tom's head down. "Sorry," he says, letting go and reaching for his beer again.
Tom must have come, because he's not beating off any more. He sits back on his heels, his eyes still glassy and his lips swollen, and grabs the beer out of Jensen's hand and takes a drink. Tries to hand it back to Jensen.
"Are you kidding, man? I know where your mouth has just been." Jensen grins and stands, pulls his pants up and goes into the kitchen for a new beer.
"I thought you didn't fuck your coworkers," Tom says as Jensen walks back into the room. He's on the couch again, sprawled lazy and sated.
"You jealous?" Jensen reaches out to pat Tom's head, but Tom slaps him away. "You do realize that what just happened is actually considered a sex act in some places, right?" Not that he doesn't appreciate it, but Jensen's not sure why Tom has chosen him to bestow his talents upon. So he feels like he should return the favor by doing what he can to bring Tom out of his closet just a little. "You want me to fuck you some time, Tom?"
"Don't be a dick." Tom grabs the remote from the table and then flips on the TV.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Jensen says.
***
Looking back on it, Jensen thinks that his mistake was in not just fucking Jared straight off. He considered it, of course, but decided that the "mature" thing to do would be to get it elsewhere. Because what he didn't want to do upon finally getting his own series was blow it on ill-advised tail. It's amazing how people being bitches about sex can fuck up a show's dynamic. Jensen learned this the hard way.
He figured he'd eventually get over the attraction, the show would rock and Welling would occasionally get high and blow him. Whatever. What he did not count on was actually liking Jared. In that way where he still wants to fuck him, but he also gives a shit about, like, his feelings and stuff.
Over two years of working together and it has not gone away. This is sort of a new position for Jensen to be in and he's not entirely certain he cares for it. Somehow he has become all sorts of codependent and relationshippy but he's not getting laid.
Well, not by Jared, anyway.
Tom, on the other hand, is still as crazy as ever. Which is why Jensen is out with him getting drunk on a school night. Because he knows it will end with Tom on his knees and that Jensen is okay with. Also, Jensen genuinely likes Tom in his own weird way. He's always good for a laugh.
Anyway, Jared was otherwise engaged for the evening.
"I'mna go take a piss," Tom says. What he means is, There will be blowjobs at some point in the near future. Be prepared.
As soon as Tom slides off his stool and heads to the bathroom, Jensen's phone starts buzzing in his pocket. It's a text message from Jared and Jensen is now enough of a little bitch that he has to check it right away.
Jared is the only person Jensen knows who uses correct punctuation and shit in his texts. Perversely, Jensen finds this endearing. He also feels the need to respond in kind so as not to feel any more like the thirteen year-old girl that he has become.
The response is almost immediate.
It isn't until Jensen sees Tom heading back towards the bar that he realizes that he has made at least one mistake here. He orders another shot. Manages to get it down before Tom reaches him.
Tom leans against the bar, bends down to Jensen's ear and says, "Let's get out of here."
Jensen laughs, because he is both an idiot and an asshole. "Naw, man. Jared texted me while you were in the bathroom. He's on his way up." He's an idiot because he's not going home with Tom tonight and he's an asshole because he knew that he wouldn't be when Tom called. "Every other person in this bar would leave with you this second if you asked."
The look on Tom's face says, No fucking shit. Okay, so it was sort of an obvious statement. It's possible Jensen has had more to drink than he realized.
"Well fiddle dee dee, Jensen Ackles. Does this mean we're breaking up?"
Before Jensen can answer him, he spots Jared and he can feel himself fucking lighting up and he's too drunk to do a damn thing about it. So he just sits there and grins like a sucker. He should probably order another shot.
"Hey," Jared says when he reaches them, but he's only looking at Jensen. Their eye contact seems to last for awhile, but Jensen can't actually be sure. Jared eventually turns to Tom. "Tom! How's life treating you?"
For a moment, Jensen thinks that Tom might actually bitchslap him, but he just shrugs. "Like the god that I am. You?"
"Good, good. Working a lot, but we're having a good time." Jared honest-to-god rocks on his heels and bounces a little.
"Well, kids, the night is young and there's pussy to be had." Tom slaps Jensen's cheek hard enough to sting. The smile he gives Jared is his public smile. Jensen thinks that he's probably picturing Jared on fire. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
As a parting shot, it is probably the worst thing Tom could have said. Jensen laughs so hard he thinks he maybe pulled a rib, but he's not sure that's possible. His side hurts at any rate.
Jared is classy enough not to laugh until Tom has actually left the bar. "Man, that guy hates me so much." He grins unrepentantly. "I must've unknowingly violated his dog or something."
Jensen claps Jared on the shoulder and motions for him to sit down. "Not your fault, man. That one was all on me."
"Yeah?" Jared raises an eyebrow. "You violated his dog?"
"It was late, I was drunk. Things happen." Jensen grins when Jared laughs and he forgets to worry about how much of a bitch Tom is going to be after this.
"I don't approve, Jensen. Dogs have feelings too." Jared looks at him out of the corner of his eyes. His dimples are showing. "Man, you are so drunk."
Which is fair, because Jensen is thinking how endearing it is that Jared automatically knows how drunk he is. He's pretty sure that's not a thought he'd have while sober.
"You do know we have to work tomorrow, right?"
Jensen sighs. "Does this mean you're not going to join me for a few more rounds?"
"Maybe not tonight." Jared signals for the tab. "How about I take you home instead?"
"Are you propositioning me, Jared?" Yep, that settles it. Jensen is, in fact, too drunk to function. How did that happen?
"Yeah, man. Sloppy drunk sex is totally on my agenda for the night. You know me so well."
Another sigh escapes Jensen before he can think to stop it. Tomorrow's gonna suck.
***
Jensen has, in his lifetime, made many promises he intended to keep that he subsequently did not. But he swears, swears to God with all that he is that he will never drink ever again if he could just stop feeling like he's about to vomit.
He's sitting in his chair with his sunglasses on, praying that nobody will need to talk to him for another three hours or so when a steaming cup of pure black coffee appears before him.
"Here." Jared's voice is pitched low enough as to not be offensive to Jensen's aching head.
"I love you," Jensen says as he takes the coffee. He wants to weep with gratitude.
Jared laughs quietly. "Yeah, thanks, man."
"No." Jensen grabs his arm when he starts to move away. "I mean it. I love you, like, in a profound way. I would propose if I thought you'd have me."
"I'm going to remind you of this moment later."
"I take it back. You have a nasty vindictive streak in you." Jensen takes a sip of coffee and moans at how fucking good it is. This isn't from craft services. It is this moment, perhaps, that Jensen realizes that he actually might love Jared.
He is way too fucking hungover for that shit.
***
At any given time, Jensen could name about fifty things he'd rather be doing than attending a CW event in LA. At least a half-dozen of those things include Rosenbaum, which speaks to how much he truly hates this shit. But he knows how the game is played and he shows up, all bashful charm for the cameras, Jared shamelessly humping his hip. Situation normal.
"Holy shit, is that Welling?" Jared asks quietly, his lips brushing against Jensen's ear.
Well, except for that. Jensen checks and it is indeed Superman himself, pretending to be gregarious and charming for the cameras. Tom never comes to these things and seeing him here, playing at being a functional person might just be the funniest fucking thing Jensen's seen in a good long while.
Jensen rubs his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his smile. He claps his other hand on Jared's shoulder and says, "Afterparty should be epic."
Jared narrows his eyes at him. "Is there a story here?"
"One I'm not telling." Really, Jensen knows better than to say something like that and he's not even drunk yet. He shakes his head at Jared. "Just Tom being crazy, dude."
Unfortunately for Jensen, Jared does not look at all convinced.
***
The afterparty is farther away than Jensen originally anticipated. Luckily, he has his flask in the cab with him and is able to get properly buzzed on the way there. Jared is apparently determined to play liquor nanny tonight which means that Jensen is drinking for two.
"Hey, Jared. If you were pregnant, I'd totally drink for you."
"That's... weird of you." Jared pauses to think about it and shakes his head. "On, like, five different levels. You have issues, dude."
"Nobody appreciates my romantic gestures." Jensen shakes his head in mock sadness.
"Yeah, well, if you knock me up and then drink all the time, we're gonna have words." Jared's going for pissy here, Jensen can tell. But he can't hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth or the resulting dimple.
Jensen kind of wants to lick him. That urge is getting harder to resist these days.
Clearly, Jensen needs to be much more drunk.
"We're here," the cabbie says.
"Yahtzee," Jensen says.
Jared laughs. "What does that even mean?"
***
The party is in full swing and there appears to be plenty of booze. Jared leans down and says, "Why are we here again?"
Sometimes Jared, for all his antics, is surprisingly little old lady-like. "If we can't enjoy this sort of debauchery now, when can we?" Jensen asks philosophically.
"I have my camera," Jared says. "If you end up on the counter trying to Wild Coyote your way through Pour Some Sugar on Me again, it will be going on youtube."
"It's like I don't even know you sometimes."
Jensen makes his way to the bar and fixes himself what turns out to be a truly vile drink. There's a reason he's not a bartender, beyond it being a waste of his good looks. He drinks it anyway because he was brought up right and he owns his liquor-related mistakes. Usually.
When he turns around to try and get Jared to try his invention, he finds that Jared isn't there. Which generally isn't a problem. He need only look for the tallest guy in the room, but instead of Jared, his eye catches on Welling making his way toward the bar.
"Tommy!" Jensen doesn't really have to fake the enthusiasm. He couldn't be more delighted.
Tom makes a face. "You lose your puppy?"
Which is just so bitchy. There's a reason Jensen likes him so much. "Nah. He's around here somewhere." He goes to pat Tom's chest in reassurance that he's still a pretty princess, but he's maybe already kicked over from buzzed to drunk and he ends up resting his hand there. "It's good of you to come out." Then he laughs, because sometimes he's funny even when he's not trying.
Before he can worry about Tom punching him, he hears someone call his name and he turns to find little Allison Mack at his side.
"Allie!" He wraps her in a hug until she punches him to let her go. It's their thing. "How are you, gorgeous?" he asks upon her release.
"I'm good. Good." Her smile isn't on full-wattage and Jensen gets the sinking feeling he's about to get a talking-to. "So, Jensen."
Jensen looks around and realizes that Tom has taken this opportunity to exit stage left. Dammit. "So, Allie."
She makes concerned face at him and asks, "What happened? Why is Tom…" She makes a hand gesture that Jensen assumes is supposed to indicate crazy.
With anyone else, Jensen would make a flippant remark about Tom and his inability to function as a person. Maybe something about how he should just give it up and go live in the mountains and actually become that crazy hermit guy, but it's Allison and she's genuinely concerned about Tom because she's a better person than the rest of them. So instead, he simply says, "It's nothing you need to worry about."
Allison makes a face that suggests she's not going to let it rest at that.
"Seriously, we just—" Before he can finish the thought, someone's arm slips around his waist. He turns to find Jared smiling down at him.
"Veronica Mars is here."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Dude, don't hit on Kristen again."
"I didn't hit on her last time. Not seriously, anyway," Jared amends. "She's just, like, my second favorite tiny blonde." He turns, then, to wink at Allison, who's watching them with an, Oh, I see… sort of expression on her face.
The bitch of it is, Jensen can't even deny it. He needs another drink.
"I need another drink." Jensen raises his eyebrows at Jared, who still has his arm warm around his waist, his hand resting casually on Jensen's hip.
"Yeah, right." Jared laughs.
"C'mon, baby," Jensen says, raising his hand to pat Jared's chest. "You know I make shit drinks."
"Dude," Jared starts, then shakes his head. "How do you suck so hard? You want anything, Ms. Mack?"
"No. Thanks." Allison waits until Jared walks away before turning a flabbergasted look on Jensen.
"It's not what you think," Jensen says, irritated that he's been caught out.
"I'm not honestly sure what I think," she says after a moment. Her expression softens. "You're kind of gone for him, huh?"
Jensen laughs and hooks an arm around Allison's neck, pulling her against him. "Allie, baby, I love you like family and I'd do about anything for you. But if you think we're going to have a hair-braiding conversation about this, you are sadly mistaken." He sways back and forth and sing-songs, "Not going to happen. Not going to happen."
She struggles against him and pushes far enough away that her face isn't pressed into his armpit. "But that's what this is about, right?" Like an adorable little pit-bull.
"This?" The thing is, Jensen can't actually get mad at Allison. Because her obnoxious tenacity comes out of a place of love for her friends and she wants to help, to make things better for everyone. She's also one of the few people who think that, deep down, both Tom and Jensen are Good Guys and Jensen has this insane desire to not disappoint her.
"You and Tom. Why you guys broke up?"
"Jensen and Tom broke up?" This, of course, would be the part of the conversation that Jared arrives back in time to catch. Not that there's any part of this conversation that Jensen would've liked Jared to overhear. Jared is laughing like he walked in on a punchline that he didn't really need to hear the joke to get.
Which is great. Jensen can work with that, but before he can come up with something appropriately glib, Allison pulls away from him completely, all obvious and guilty. Jared is sober, so his expression falls flat as he gets it.
"Sorry. Did I interrupt?"
"No," Jensen says as he grabs his drink from Jared's hand. "I wasn't dating Tom." He addresses this comment to the empty space between Allison and Jared and then takes a sip of the drink which is, of course, fantastic. Because Jared is just that sort of asshole.
"Right," Jared says.
"I'm gonna go find Kristen," Allison says.
"Shall we mingle?" Jensen asks like nothing really awkward just happened.
Jared gives him a, Just wait 'til we get home look. "Sure, why not?"
***
Jensen is feeling pleasantly numb, so far past drunk that it's a fuzzy, distant memory. They're standing in a corner, talking to Lois Lane when he looks up to see Hartley jogging down the stairs. Jensen thinks, Watch this space and sure enough, not two minutes later Tom appears. Unerringly, he looks straight at Jensen.
In a show of no hard feelings and solidarity and shit, Jensen brings his hand up to wipe the tip of his nose, then he pokes his cheek with his tongue and laughs. Tom apparently does not appreciate his humor because he flips him off and continues on his merry way, presumably in pursuit of cock.
"I think we should go," Jared says from somewhere behind him. Above him. Jensen idly wonders how long Jared has been holding him up. How much of that exchange Jared caught.
"Uh, yeah," Lois Lane says. Like she knows anything.
"Erica!" Jensen says suddenly, because he knows her name. "It's always a pleasure."
She smirks and Jared is steering him away, out of the house and he's talking, but Jensen is pretty sure it's not to him.
"Thanks," Jared says a moment later. "Cab's on its way."
"Awesome." They're outside now and it feels nice. It was actually pretty hot in there. Jared is sweaty. "You make good drinks, man."
"You mentioned that. Fifteen times. And you kept calling Erica 'Lois'."
"I know her name." It's been mentioned to Jensen that he sometimes repeats himself when he's drunk. Jared's arm is wrapped around him again, which is weird. Should be weird. For normal people it would be weird. But it's just something Jared does and Jensen sighs and moves around until he can rest his forehead against Jared's shoulder.
"Wake me up when the cab gets here," he mumbles. Jared smells good, which shouldn't be possible when he's that sweaty. In a lot of ways, Jared's existence in the world is totally unfair. But his arm tightens around Jensen's waist as Jensen sways and he finds he doesn't actually mind all the ways in which Jared is too awesome.
***
Somehow, they are at Jared's place and Jensen is on the bed with Jared tugging off his boots. It makes him laugh.
"You do remember that we have to fly back to Vancouver tomorrow, right?" Jared sounds irritated. He stands once Jensen is bootless and frowns down at him.
"Jared, Jared, Jared." Jensen pushes himself into a sitting position. He really has no memory of getting here. Jared takes good care of him. "Why so disapproving?"
"Nothing. Whatever." Jared looks away. "You could've told me about you and Tom."
Is that what this was about? Jensen grins and curls his legs up under him so he can sit up on his knees. He overbalances, but Jared is right there to catch him before he falls on his face. "Hey, Jared. Sometimes Tom blows me. But not anymore." He shrugs. "Tom is crazy. There wasn't really anything to tell."
His arms are resting on Jared's shoulders and if he reaches up, he could tangle his fingers in Jared's hair. "It wasn't a relationship. It was, whatever. Head. We didn't, like, make out or anything." He sways a little closer to Jared and his eyes focus on Jared's mouth. Which isn't smiling.
"You should get some sleep," Jared says a second later, reaching up to remove Jensen's arms and push him gently back on the bed. "We'll talk tomorrow." And then he walks out of the room.
"Jared," Jensen says belatedly and pushes up again, overbalances again, but this time Jared isn't there to catch him. He falls sideways off the bed and lands hard on his hip and elbow. Jared doesn't even return to investigate the noise and Jensen decides that trying to crawl back onto the bed on his own is too much effort. He tugs at the corner of the nearest blanket until it's mostly dislodged from the bed and wraps it around his shoulders.
He'll straighten everything out in the morning.
***
"C'mon, Jensen. You can't sleep anymore."
"Lies," Jensen says and tries to turn away from the hand that's poking at him. Which doesn't really work because the entire left side of his body is unbelievably sore. Jesus.
"I'll finish packing your shit, but if I am going to be sitting next to you on the plane, you will take a shower before we have to leave." Jared is now nudging him with his foot.
Jensen risks opening one eye and regrets it immediately. "Why am I on the floor?"
"That's between you and the bed, dude. Get up. There's coffee in it for you if you successfully shower."
"Just leave me here to die." Jensen considers this a fair compromise.
"No."
And Jensen has to get up after that, because he can't actually think of an argument to counter "no". When he stands, he realizes that this is God's punishment for him breaking his promise to never drink again. Clearly He sent down some angels to beat the shit out of Jensen while he slept. There is no other explanation.
The shower doesn't help as much as it should and neither does the coffee. Jensen feels mildly guilty about Jared rushing around to make sure all their shit is together, but he can't muster the energy to even pretend to help. So he lets Jared do everything— pack, cab, airport, security, tickets and Jensen tags along after him like a small, incompetent child to the point where he waits for Jared to tell him where to sit once they make it onto the plane.
"So, uh, hey," Jensen says once they're settled in their seats, waiting to take off.
But Jared shakes his head. "Quiet time," he says as he pulls out his ipod.
"Yeah. Sure." Jensen leans his head back and lets it go for the moment. He hopes the flight is smooth, because he really might vomit otherwise.
***
"I think that maybe I don't have any friends left in Vancouver." Jensen says it matter-of-factly, but the thought really makes him sort of sad.
"Well, you are a gigantic tool," Chris says.
Jensen became friends with Chris and Steve because it never hurts to have musician friends. It makes one seem all deep and artistic. He keeps them around because they make him look like a decent person by comparison.
"Thanks, man." The conversation moves on from there, because Jensen isn't actually stupid enough to try and talk to Chris Kane about his problems. Especially this situation with Jared because it feels, well, personal.
The thing is, it's been three days and Jared is still being weird. Jensen doesn't see an alternative to having a Conversation at this point, but he doesn't know where to start. The details of the weekend are fuzzy at best. Which is generally fine, but in this case makes him feel like he's at a disadvantage.
"I mean, what the fuck, right?" Chris is saying. He's been ranting about something for awhile. "Bunch of fucking dickwads with their goddamn panties in a twist. Right?"
"Yeah, sure," Jensen agrees. "So I'm gonna go now."
"Later," Chris says and hangs up before Jensen can respond.
Jensen's life would be so much easier if Jared were as much of a gigantic self-involved asshole as the rest of Jensen's friends. Not that he hasn't made a valiant effort in the time they've known each other, but then he'll go and text Jensen something random and hilarious when Jensen's in a bad mood or bring him a perfect cup of coffee when he's about to drop from exhaustion. Like he's paying attention and he actually gives a shit.
Jared not being a complete and utter douchebag is where their only real disconnect exists and is pretty much the reason Jensen's in love with him.
All over the country, Jensen thinks, his exes are laughing their asses off and they have no idea why.
***
"So, what's your problem?" Jensen asks when Jared opens the door.
"Besides the fact that you woke me up and we have an early call tomorrow?" Jared is standing there in his ridiculous SpongeBob pajama pants and an A-Team T-shirt, the combination of which is wrong and offensive on multiple levels.
Jensen walks past Jared and sheds his jacket, dropping it on the floor of the entryway.
"Come on in," Jared mutters.
"You've got to admit, you've been kind of a bitch the past couple of days."
Jared looks incredulous at this. "I'm sorry?"
"No need to apologize, I'm just curious." Jensen shrugs. "That time of the month?"
"What the fuck, Jensen?" Jared sounds bewildered, like he has no idea where any of this is coming from. Like he hasn't been walking around like an ice princess all week.
"Well, apparently I hurt your girly feelings and we need talk about it and have a moment and cry and hug it out. So let's chat."
"Fucking blow me, dickhead." Jared turns and starts walking toward the kitchen.
He really couldn't ask for a better opening, so he forces himself to man-up and say, "Would that do it?" His stance is belligerent, braced for a fight one way or the other, but Jared only freezes, his back still to Jensen. Doesn't say anything for long enough to make it weird. "I mean, uh," Jensen says when it's clear that Jared isn't going to answer. "Is that something you'd be interested in?"
This is not exactly how Jensen imagined things going down.
Jared finally turns, crossing his arms over his chest. His expression is not what Jensen would call encouraging. "Why are you here? I mean, do you even know?"
"You're mad at me?" Jensen didn't actually mean for it to come out as a question.
"And you, what? Want to blow me and make it better?" Jared's voice is neutral, mildly curious and it gives away nothing.
"Well, I mean, I want to blow you anyway." Jensen figures he's in it this deep, he might as well go for broke. "If it makes you less irritated, then. Y'know. Bonus."
"Jensen." Jared takes a deep breath and sighs. "Look, whatever. You're my best friend. I'll get over it. But I'm not gonna be your rebound fuck. You can crash on the couch if you want." He waves his hand in the direction of the living room and starts walking away again, towards the bedroom like he's going back to bed.
It takes Jensen a minute to process what Jared says and it still doesn't make sense. He catches up with him in the hallway. "Wait up, man. What am I supposed to be rebounding from?"
"You've been fucking Tom." Jared says it without looking at him, shrugs Jensen's hand off of his arm.
"Tom's been blowing me," Jensen corrects. He feels it's an important distinction to make.
"Whatever. The point is—"
"Fuck your point," Jensen says, cutting him off. "If you're not interested, just tell me you're not interested. Tom has fuck-all to do with anything."
"Right," Jared says. "So, you didn't get wasted last week when he broke up with you at the bar? You didn't get trashed when he showed up in L.A. and hooked up with Hartley?"
"What?" Jensen slumps against the wall and stares at Jared. "What? Dude, you think I've been all pining and self-destructive over Welling?" The thought is too absurd to endure and Jensen starts laughing. "Really?"
"Why don't you tell me what happened, then?" Jared asks, equal parts irritated and confused.
Jensen shakes his head. "Tom is a fucking nutjob who gets off on my blatant disregard. I turned him down last week at the bar, cue his atypical behavior in showing up in L.A. And hooking up with Hartley, apparently." He's not sure he actually knew about that part.
"Right. If he's such a psycho, why fool around with him in the first place?"
"Are you seriously asking me why I didn't turn down no-strings head from Tom Welling?" Jensen raises an eyebrow. "Have you seen him?"
"Okay," Jared says slowly. "Then if it was such a fantastic arrangement, why turn him down now? Why this?" He waves his hand in between them.
"Seriously? With as full of yourself as you are, how do you not know the answer to that?" Jensen has no idea how he hasn't figured it out yet. "I'm fucking retarded over you, man. I have been for years. So fucking stupid and it's not going away. And if you're not interested, you need to tell me now."
"Jensen."
It's all he says, but Jensen knows what it means. Jared is standing there, not moving closer and there's nothing but regret in his expression.
"Right. Okay." Jensen scrubs his hand through his hair and pushes away from the wall. "Well, good talk. I'm gonna go, y'know, try and get some sleep before work."
For a moment, Jared looks like he's going to protest, but he ends up nodding and saying nothing at all.
***
The rest of the week is uncomfortable, to say the least. It's not like Jensen's never been turned down before. Not that it's a regular occurrence or anything, but it has happened. He's just not sure it's ever happened with someone he was really interested in. Or friends with.
In retrospect, he probably could've handled the entire situation with a little more finesse.
Whatever. It's done and now they have to deal with it, which Jensen does by making sure that he and Jared are not at any point left alone together to talk. Jared seems onboard with this plan, so it works out pretty well. They are on the set and, despite evidence to the contrary, they can be professional. So there's that, at least.
Who needs a best friend, anyway? Fuck Jared for turning him into such a fucking girl in the first place.
By the time they finally wrap for the week, Jensen is as exhausted as he usually is and then some. He just wants to go home and get pathetically drunk and sleep for the weekend. He's already got a bottle of whiskey and a bag of Fritos waiting for him at home. He's good, or he will be by Monday.
So it comes as something of a surprise when the car pulls up at Jensen's place and Jared gets out as well.
"Um," Jensen says. "You don't live here."
"No shit, genius. We need to talk." Jared has his determined face on and Jensen sighs.
"Okay, whatever." He is too tired to argue as Jared follows him inside. Jensen heads straight for the kitchen to fix himself a drink. "You want a beer or something?"
"You're kind of an asshole," Jared tells him.
"Fine, I have whiskey, too." He grabs a couple of glasses and the bottle of Jack.
"You're also stupid."
"Well, awesome. This is fun." When Jensen turns around, Jared is leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. "We should do it more often. Really."
"Dude." Jared takes the glasses and bottles out of Jensen's hands and sets them aside. "It's like you're an idiot toddler. I don't even know how you manage to dress yourself."
"If you start insulting my momma, we're gonna have words," Jensen warns him and Jared laughs. "Seriously, what the fuck? You want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry."
Jared's smile fades a little. "What are you sorry for, Jensen?"
"I don't know. Propositioning you? Fucking everything up? Being an asshole?" Jensen shrugs. "All of the above? Take your pick."
"How about being stuck so far up your own ass that you miss the most obvious fucking thing in the world?" Jared reaches out and hooks a finger in one of Jensen's belt loops and tugs him forward.
"So, stupid question," Jensen says when he's settled between Jared's legs. "What's happening here?"
"It's a good thing you're so pretty," is Jared's less-than-helpful response before he leans down and brushes his lips over Jensen's.
It's not quite a kiss, but Jensen's body reacts like it is and he makes an involuntary noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a moan and a grunt, like he's just had the wind knocked out of him. His pulse spikes and every muscle in his body is weirdly tense from the adrenaline rush and the whole thing is just so fucked up.
"Um," Jensen says after a moment. He opens his eyes, doesn't remember shutting them, and takes a step back. "What?" Jared lets him move away, but doesn't unhook his finger from Jensen's pants, which means Jensen can only go so far.
"Dude, how do you?" Jared shakes his head. "I know everything about you. I know your stupid habits, your weird food texture issues, how you take your coffee. I know that, in addition to the whiskey, you have two bags of Fritos in your cupboard right now because you were going to be lameass pathetic all weekend. If I were a girl, you'd have pegged me for a stalker years ago."
"I only have one bag of Fritos," Jensen says, because that's the only part of that whole thing that he feels comfortable addressing at the moment.
Jared grins and shakes his head again. "Whatever. My point is, how are you the level of stupid that doesn't get that I've been panting after you since the day we met? Everyone else knows. Fucking Veronica Mars knows it."
"Her name isn't Veronica Mars."
"And Erica's isn't Lois Lane, asshole. Are you being deliberately obtuse?"
"Maybe," Jensen stalls. "What the fuck happened the other night?"
For the first time tonight, Jared looks a little chagrined. "I thought you'd finally figured it out and you were maybe fucking with me about it."
"You really think I'm the kind of jackass that would do something like that?" Jensen asks. At Jared's raised eyebrow, he amends, "To you?"
"Well, it's possible you're not the only idiot in this scenario." Jared tugs Jensen back up against him. "So are we on the same page yet?"
Jensen narrows his eyes, his gaze locking on Jared's mouth. "Is it the page where we're about to have a lot of sex?" He doesn't wait for an answer to start unbuttoning Jared's pants.
"That'd be the one," Jared says as Jensen unzips his fly. Then he cups his hand against the back of Jensen's neck and pulls him in for an actual kiss and Jensen is fucking gone.
Jared's mouth is perfect, better than Jensen's dirtiest fantasies and it's only a kiss, hot and wet and slow, but the thing is, it's Jared. Jensen probably shouldn't be as surprised as he is that it makes a difference. He slips his hand down the front of Jared's pants and Jared presses up into his palm as Jensen strokes slowly over his length through his boxers.
"Wanna blow you," he says against Jared's mouth.
"Ummmm," is Jared's only response.
Jensen takes this as permission and pushes Jared's jeans and boxers down over his hips, leans in for another kiss, quick and fierce and Jared follows him a little when he pulls away. "It's been awhile," he warns as he drops to his knees. "So, y'know."
As a rule, Jensen would rather receive a blowjob than give one. It's not his favorite thing in the world to do and he's never put that much effort into perfecting the art because he's Jensen Ackles and if he's willing to go down on someone, they're generally not stupid enough to complain about his technique. With Jared's cock hard and huge in front of him, it's is the first time he's ever regretted that. He wants it to be good.
Jared rests his hand on the back of Jensen's head, not pulling or pushing, just sort of there and when Jensen looks up, he smiles. "It's you," he says and Jensen nods. He gets that.
"I don't swallow, so you better fucking warn me," he says and takes the head of Jared's cock into his mouth before he can respond. Jared thrusts and Jensen chokes but manages to keep his teeth covered. Overall, it's pretty awful until Jensen gets one hand on Jared's hip and the other around the base of his cock.
"Sorry. Sorry," Jared says above him.
Jensen grunts in response and gets to work, bobbing his head slowly and pressing his tongue up and, really, it's still not his favorite thing ever. But Jared is gasping and swearing and Jensen can feel the tension in his body as he tries not to thrust. His hand is on Jensen's head, sort of patting him at random intervals and Jensen thinks, yeah, he could be convinced of the appeal in this. In wanting to do this to Jared on a regular basis.
He moves his fist over Jared's cock in counterpoint to his mouth and he's getting into it in a genuine sort of way when Jared starts tugging at his hair and Jensen thinks, Okay, not cool, before he realizes what that signifies, pulls his mouth off and moves to the side a little.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared says and covers Jensen's hand with his own speeding up their strokes and Jensen watches Jared as he comes, fascinated at the way his expression crumbles, the way he bends over like he's just been sucker-punched.
It's the single hottest thing Jensen's seen in his entire fucking life.
"God," Jensen says, wiping his hand absently on his leg as he stands up. He's so hard right now he feels dizzy with it, with Jared watching him through half-lidded eyes.
"Yeah." Jared nods, tugging his pants back up and Jensen has to kiss him again.
He presses up against Jared, spreads his legs wider when Jared slips a thigh between them and groans into Jared's mouth when he grabs Jensen's hips and tugs him close. Jensen has one hand fisted in Jared's hair, the other cupping the side of his face as he kisses him. It's exactly what he's wanted to for so long that he can't remember a time when he didn't, when Jared's mouth wasn't at the center of his every dirty thought.
Jensen rocks his hips against Jared, the friction not quite enough. But Jared's kissing him back, gorgeous and lewd, licking the taste of himself out of Jensen's mouth and every slick press of his tongue is a hint of things to come. A promise of just how good this has the potential to be. Jensen wants it all, every single thing Jared's hinting at and more but he can't pull away long enough to ask for any of it. He can only demand with the jerky thrust of his hips and somewhere in the corner of his mind, he's pretty sure he's going to end up coming in his pants in another thirty seconds.
Then again, maybe Jared does know him as well as he claims, because he works a hand between their bodies and undoes Jensen's pants, gets his hand down the front of his boxers. It's not great. The angle is weird and they're pressed too close together for Jared to have any sort of decent leverage. But then Jared tightens his grip on the upstroke and his hand is fucking huge and Jensen's coming like it's the best sex he's ever had.
If shitty sex between them is this good...
"Yeah, we're definitely doing that again," Jared says, moving from Jensen's mouth to suck where his pulse is hammering against his throat.
"God, yes," Jensen agrees. He's about to suggest right now as a viable option when his exhaustion returns full-force. Post-orgasm, with Jared idly nuzzling his neck, Jensen realizes how worried he really was, how fucking terrified he'd been that he'd well and truly screwed everything up between them.
"So," Jared says, looking up and then he starts laughing. "Christ, Jensen. You looked wiped. I mean, I know I'm good."
"Shut up," Jensen says without heat. "It's been a long week."
"Yeah it has." Jared bends down and kisses his nose. It's kind of obnoxious. "C'mon, baby. Let's get you to bed."
"Fuck you. Just for that—" Jensen starts, but Jared kisses him again and he forgets to finish the thought.
***
Jensen wakes up way too early. He feels like he could use another twelve or so hours of sleep, but when he closes his eyes again, he knows he's not going to manage that at the moment. Jared is still asleep next to him, one arm curled under his head, the other resting warm on Jensen's chest. It makes Jensen feel ridiculous and sappy and more than a little disgusted with himself that he doesn't even care.
Careful not to disturb Jared, he slides out of bed and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He pisses and brushes his teeth, then decides that since he's not going back to bed, he might as well shower. Two minutes into it, he hears the door open.
"No sense of personal boundaries," he says over the noise of the water.
"Promise I won't flush," Jared replies. "Did you move my toothbrush?"
"Medicine cabinet."
They've each crashed at other's place often enough that they both have a few things at both apartments. Toothbrushes, shaving kits, underwear. Jensen's smiling when Jared joins him in the shower.
"How long have we been dating?" he asks as Jared ducks his head under the spray to get his hair wet.
"At least a year, but apparently not exclusively."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Well, now that I've given you my Letterman's jacket..."
"Promises, promises," Jared says and bends to kiss him, but Jensen stops him.
"Jared—"
"Dude, I know," Jared grins. "I didn't figure you'd want to have a conversation about it, though. But if I'm wrong, by all means." He spreads his hands in a please, go on gesture.
"Wash my back, asshole." Jensen turns away before Jared's dimples get the better of him.
A moment later, Jared's soapy hands are moving over Jensen's shoulders. "So, I was thinking about what we should do today," he says, his hands moving lower. "You should make me breakfast, because I've decided I should be wooed."
"Oh yeah?" Jensen tries to laugh, but it comes out as more of a gasp when Jared's hands move down over his ass.
"Mmhmm." Jared brushes a soapy finger between Jensen's cheeks, too quick to be anything more than a tease. "Once I am properly courted, which will involve bacon, by the way, we can fuck."
"Not sure I have bacon," Jensen says, leaning back as Jared finally fists his hand over Jensen's cock.
"There's some in the freezer." It shouldn't be hot, but it is. Maybe because of the low, rough edge to Jared's voice, or the way his hand is moving over Jensen, slow and sure and steady. Maybe it's the way Jared's cock is hard and slipping against Jensen's back, between his cheeks with Jared's lazy thrusts.
Maybe it's the stupid fact that Jared knows the contents of Jensen's fucking freezer.
"What if," Jensen gasps as Jared swipes his thumb over the head of his cock. "What if we reversed the order of that? Fucking then breakfast?"
Jared hums in his ear. "How about this? I'm going to make you come." He starts stroke Jensen a little faster, thrusting against his back a little harder. "You're going to make me breakfast, something hearty so that." His breath hitches and his rhythm momentarily falters. "I want to fuck you, Jensen." The cocky edge is gone from his voice and he ends up sounding needy and a little desperate.
This works for Jensen in a major way if the force of his orgasm is anything to go by. Jared thrusts against him a few more times before he's coming too.
"I'll take that as a yes," Jared finally says.
"Take it however you want," Jensen tells him. "Doesn't mean you're right."
They have just enough time to finish rinsing off before the hot water runs out.
***
"Keep in mind that this is wooing," Jensen says as he sticks the pan of bacon in the oven to cook. "This isn't like a regular thing. I'm serious," he says as Jared continues to smile at him. "Your cock isn't going to magically make me that perfect 50's housewife you've secretly been dreaming about."
Jared laughs at that. "So you think. For all you know, my jizz is totally magical and transformative."
"Yeah, okay," Jensen says sarcastically as he goes to get some eggs out of the fridge. It's not that he's worried, exactly. He's just not sure what Jared expects now. If this is like a relationship or whatever.
"Hey, Jensen," Jared says conversationally. "You're seriously like one of the biggest assholes I know. And I'm friends with Chad, dude."
Jensen turns to glare at him. "You say the most charming fucking things, sweetheart."
"Right, so you're kind of this gigantic douchebag," Jared continues, ignoring Jensen completely. "I like that about you." He nods. "You make it work somehow."
"Oh." Jensen grins and nods. "Well, I'm pretty fucking awesome."
"My point exactly."
"You're kind of a dickwad yourself," Jensen tells him.
"Of course." Jared leans back in his chair and threads his fingers behind his head. "Who else would put up with your bullshit?"
So, yeah. Okay, Jensen thinks. This might actually work.
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, some Jensen/Tom
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: Approximately 9K
Summary: Looking back on it, Jensen thinks that his mistake was in not just fucking Jared straight off.
Warnings: The working title for this was, J2 in which Jensen is a dick. So, there's that.
Notes: This started out with me thinking, "Ha ha, dick!Jensen would be hilarious!" Um, it got a little out of control from there. Also, I borrowed rather shamelessly from
ethrosdemon's old WBrps, which is to say, this Welling is heavily inspired by hers. Thanks to rhythmsextion for cheerleading on this, even though it took me another month and a half to finish it.Title from Ani Difranco's As Is.
Just Give Up and Admit You're an Asshole
The first time Jensen meets Jared, he thinks, You've got to be kidding me. This ridiculously attractive, bouncy puppyish manchild was going to be playing Sam Winchester?
He shakes Jared's hand and doesn't miss the once-over Jared gives him. It's not all that overt, but it's a frequent enough occurrence for Jensen to recognize it for what it is.
"Shit, son. Where in Texas are you from?" Jensen asks.
Jared smiles wide and easy and pleased. "San Antonio."
Now, typically Jensen is pretty good about not crapping where he eats, but, Christ. This kid. There's nothing to say he can't have a little fun, right?
***
When Jensen arrives at Tom's place, Rosenbaum is there which is sort of obnoxious. But it looks like he's leaving, so Jensen can play nice for a few minutes. It's not that he really has a problem with Mike. It's more, Mike wasn't exactly the getting laid kind of guy in high school and even though he's drowning in pussy now, Jensen thinks that maybe he still resents guys who look like him and Tom.
But Mike and Tom seem to get along alright, so maybe it's just that he thinks Mike's a douchebag.
"So what are you girls up to tonight?" Mike asks. "Braiding each others hair? Telling ghost stories?"
"Getting drunk and talking shit about our obnoxious coworkers, probably." Jensen smiles and Tom rolls his eyes.
"You piss off your costar already, Ackles?"
"Go the fuck home, Mike," Tom says.
Mike grins smarmy and raises his hand. "I'm out."
Jensen doesn't ever ask what their deal is. He's sure he doesn't want to know.
"How is the new wife?" Tom calls out as Jensen walks into the kitchen to grab himself a beer.
"Jared?" Jensen shrugs, even though Tom can't see him. "He's from Texas." This goes a long way in Jensen's book, if not Tom's. "What'd you think of him when y'all worked together?"
When he walks back out into the living room, Tom is sitting on the couch doing lines off the coffee table. Jensen grins and sits down next to him. "You know, I think it's really adorable that you're afraid to get coked up in front of Mike."
"Fuck you." Tom smiles as he wipes his nose. "I thought Jared was a little bitch."
To be fair, Tom says this about everyone. "You're just feeling a little inadequate because he's taller than you." He pets Tom's leg. "It's okay."
"You like that, huh? Does it make your girl parts quiver?"
"Wait, I thought Jared was the girl."
Tom smirks. "He is. You're a fucking lesbian."
Jensen laughs and then takes a swig of his beer. Coke's never been his thing, but he really loves Tom when he's high. Not only is he much less of an asshole, but he forgets to pretend like he doesn't love sucking cock. This always works out well for Jensen.
The first time it happened, they were out at a bar, completely shit-faced and Tom followed him into the bathroom. Did a line and then dropped to his knees like he was in a goddamn porno. Didn't get caught that time, but Jensen tries to make sure that they're somewhere a little more private after that.
Like clockwork, Tom reaches for the button to Jensen's jeans, but Jensen slaps his hand. "If you're gonna do it, get on your knees and do it right." Jensen feels that, unless you're in a car, there's no reason to come at it from the side.
Tom glares at him like they don't both know that he's going to be crawling between Jensen's knees in about two seconds. The thing is, Tom really loves sucking cock. Jensen rubs his hand over his crotch and grins. Fucking Pavlovian. Tom does a bump and Jensen gets hard.
Sure enough, Tom slides off the couch, landing on his knees hard enough that Jensen winces in sympathy as he undoes his jeans and pushes them down, but Tom doesn't seem too bothered. He just moves until he's between Jensen's legs and Jensen slides down on the couch a little, spreading his thighs more because he's accommodating like that.
"The thing is—" Jensen's breath hitches as Tom bends down and takes the head of his cock into his mouth. He runs his fingers through Tom's hair, watches the stretch of his lips as they move down his cock. "The thing is, what do I want to do about Jared?"
Tom moves up, as if to pull off and Jensen clenches his fingers in his hair to hold him there. Waits until Tom's eyes flick up to say, "This conversation doesn't actually require your input, cowboy. Keep on keepin' on."
The first few times this happened, Jensen came faster than he liked because Tom gives head like a pro. He found that talking makes it last a little longer and really, Tom would happily suck him for hours if he could.
"I mean, I don't think he realizes he's not entirely straight. Which isn't really a problem, of course. Wouldn't take much to convince him to suck me off. Couple beers. Some coke, maybe?" He tugs on Tom's hair a little and laughs when Tom ignores him. "I could fuck him."
Tom moans at that and Jensen thrusts up into his mouth in response, because fucking Christ. "Like that idea?" he asks and Tom really must, because he's jacking himself off. Usually he waits until Jensen's finished and then disappears into the bathroom like Jensen doesn't know what he's doing.
Welling is nothing if not a fucking head-case.
"I could fuck him. Fucking Gilmore Girls? He's so sheltered and, fuck. Innocent. Yeah, like that." He starts fucking Tom's mouth in earnest, just like always. And just like always, Tom moans like a porn star and takes it. "I could make him think it's his idea. Make him beg me—"
He's watching Tom's head bob, his perfect mouth moving over Jensen's dick, but what he's thinking about is Jared. About bending him over and fucking him hard. Fast and dirty the first time. About Jared begging him harder and more and please.
"Fuck." Jensen groans, pushing his hips up as he comes in Tom's mouth. Twitches as he feels Tom swallowing around him and realizes he's still holding Tom's head down. "Sorry," he says, letting go and reaching for his beer again.
Tom must have come, because he's not beating off any more. He sits back on his heels, his eyes still glassy and his lips swollen, and grabs the beer out of Jensen's hand and takes a drink. Tries to hand it back to Jensen.
"Are you kidding, man? I know where your mouth has just been." Jensen grins and stands, pulls his pants up and goes into the kitchen for a new beer.
"I thought you didn't fuck your coworkers," Tom says as Jensen walks back into the room. He's on the couch again, sprawled lazy and sated.
"You jealous?" Jensen reaches out to pat Tom's head, but Tom slaps him away. "You do realize that what just happened is actually considered a sex act in some places, right?" Not that he doesn't appreciate it, but Jensen's not sure why Tom has chosen him to bestow his talents upon. So he feels like he should return the favor by doing what he can to bring Tom out of his closet just a little. "You want me to fuck you some time, Tom?"
"Don't be a dick." Tom grabs the remote from the table and then flips on the TV.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Jensen says.
***
Looking back on it, Jensen thinks that his mistake was in not just fucking Jared straight off. He considered it, of course, but decided that the "mature" thing to do would be to get it elsewhere. Because what he didn't want to do upon finally getting his own series was blow it on ill-advised tail. It's amazing how people being bitches about sex can fuck up a show's dynamic. Jensen learned this the hard way.
He figured he'd eventually get over the attraction, the show would rock and Welling would occasionally get high and blow him. Whatever. What he did not count on was actually liking Jared. In that way where he still wants to fuck him, but he also gives a shit about, like, his feelings and stuff.
Over two years of working together and it has not gone away. This is sort of a new position for Jensen to be in and he's not entirely certain he cares for it. Somehow he has become all sorts of codependent and relationshippy but he's not getting laid.
Well, not by Jared, anyway.
Tom, on the other hand, is still as crazy as ever. Which is why Jensen is out with him getting drunk on a school night. Because he knows it will end with Tom on his knees and that Jensen is okay with. Also, Jensen genuinely likes Tom in his own weird way. He's always good for a laugh.
Anyway, Jared was otherwise engaged for the evening.
"I'mna go take a piss," Tom says. What he means is, There will be blowjobs at some point in the near future. Be prepared.
As soon as Tom slides off his stool and heads to the bathroom, Jensen's phone starts buzzing in his pocket. It's a text message from Jared and Jensen is now enough of a little bitch that he has to check it right away.
Other plans blow. Still want to hang?
Jared is the only person Jensen knows who uses correct punctuation and shit in his texts. Perversely, Jensen finds this endearing. He also feels the need to respond in kind so as not to feel any more like the thirteen year-old girl that he has become.
At the bar with Tom. Meet us here?
The response is almost immediate.
Awesome! See you in a few!
It isn't until Jensen sees Tom heading back towards the bar that he realizes that he has made at least one mistake here. He orders another shot. Manages to get it down before Tom reaches him.
Tom leans against the bar, bends down to Jensen's ear and says, "Let's get out of here."
Jensen laughs, because he is both an idiot and an asshole. "Naw, man. Jared texted me while you were in the bathroom. He's on his way up." He's an idiot because he's not going home with Tom tonight and he's an asshole because he knew that he wouldn't be when Tom called. "Every other person in this bar would leave with you this second if you asked."
The look on Tom's face says, No fucking shit. Okay, so it was sort of an obvious statement. It's possible Jensen has had more to drink than he realized.
"Well fiddle dee dee, Jensen Ackles. Does this mean we're breaking up?"
Before Jensen can answer him, he spots Jared and he can feel himself fucking lighting up and he's too drunk to do a damn thing about it. So he just sits there and grins like a sucker. He should probably order another shot.
"Hey," Jared says when he reaches them, but he's only looking at Jensen. Their eye contact seems to last for awhile, but Jensen can't actually be sure. Jared eventually turns to Tom. "Tom! How's life treating you?"
For a moment, Jensen thinks that Tom might actually bitchslap him, but he just shrugs. "Like the god that I am. You?"
"Good, good. Working a lot, but we're having a good time." Jared honest-to-god rocks on his heels and bounces a little.
"Well, kids, the night is young and there's pussy to be had." Tom slaps Jensen's cheek hard enough to sting. The smile he gives Jared is his public smile. Jensen thinks that he's probably picturing Jared on fire. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
As a parting shot, it is probably the worst thing Tom could have said. Jensen laughs so hard he thinks he maybe pulled a rib, but he's not sure that's possible. His side hurts at any rate.
Jared is classy enough not to laugh until Tom has actually left the bar. "Man, that guy hates me so much." He grins unrepentantly. "I must've unknowingly violated his dog or something."
Jensen claps Jared on the shoulder and motions for him to sit down. "Not your fault, man. That one was all on me."
"Yeah?" Jared raises an eyebrow. "You violated his dog?"
"It was late, I was drunk. Things happen." Jensen grins when Jared laughs and he forgets to worry about how much of a bitch Tom is going to be after this.
"I don't approve, Jensen. Dogs have feelings too." Jared looks at him out of the corner of his eyes. His dimples are showing. "Man, you are so drunk."
Which is fair, because Jensen is thinking how endearing it is that Jared automatically knows how drunk he is. He's pretty sure that's not a thought he'd have while sober.
"You do know we have to work tomorrow, right?"
Jensen sighs. "Does this mean you're not going to join me for a few more rounds?"
"Maybe not tonight." Jared signals for the tab. "How about I take you home instead?"
"Are you propositioning me, Jared?" Yep, that settles it. Jensen is, in fact, too drunk to function. How did that happen?
"Yeah, man. Sloppy drunk sex is totally on my agenda for the night. You know me so well."
Another sigh escapes Jensen before he can think to stop it. Tomorrow's gonna suck.
***
Jensen has, in his lifetime, made many promises he intended to keep that he subsequently did not. But he swears, swears to God with all that he is that he will never drink ever again if he could just stop feeling like he's about to vomit.
He's sitting in his chair with his sunglasses on, praying that nobody will need to talk to him for another three hours or so when a steaming cup of pure black coffee appears before him.
"Here." Jared's voice is pitched low enough as to not be offensive to Jensen's aching head.
"I love you," Jensen says as he takes the coffee. He wants to weep with gratitude.
Jared laughs quietly. "Yeah, thanks, man."
"No." Jensen grabs his arm when he starts to move away. "I mean it. I love you, like, in a profound way. I would propose if I thought you'd have me."
"I'm going to remind you of this moment later."
"I take it back. You have a nasty vindictive streak in you." Jensen takes a sip of coffee and moans at how fucking good it is. This isn't from craft services. It is this moment, perhaps, that Jensen realizes that he actually might love Jared.
He is way too fucking hungover for that shit.
***
At any given time, Jensen could name about fifty things he'd rather be doing than attending a CW event in LA. At least a half-dozen of those things include Rosenbaum, which speaks to how much he truly hates this shit. But he knows how the game is played and he shows up, all bashful charm for the cameras, Jared shamelessly humping his hip. Situation normal.
"Holy shit, is that Welling?" Jared asks quietly, his lips brushing against Jensen's ear.
Well, except for that. Jensen checks and it is indeed Superman himself, pretending to be gregarious and charming for the cameras. Tom never comes to these things and seeing him here, playing at being a functional person might just be the funniest fucking thing Jensen's seen in a good long while.
Jensen rubs his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his smile. He claps his other hand on Jared's shoulder and says, "Afterparty should be epic."
Jared narrows his eyes at him. "Is there a story here?"
"One I'm not telling." Really, Jensen knows better than to say something like that and he's not even drunk yet. He shakes his head at Jared. "Just Tom being crazy, dude."
Unfortunately for Jensen, Jared does not look at all convinced.
***
The afterparty is farther away than Jensen originally anticipated. Luckily, he has his flask in the cab with him and is able to get properly buzzed on the way there. Jared is apparently determined to play liquor nanny tonight which means that Jensen is drinking for two.
"Hey, Jared. If you were pregnant, I'd totally drink for you."
"That's... weird of you." Jared pauses to think about it and shakes his head. "On, like, five different levels. You have issues, dude."
"Nobody appreciates my romantic gestures." Jensen shakes his head in mock sadness.
"Yeah, well, if you knock me up and then drink all the time, we're gonna have words." Jared's going for pissy here, Jensen can tell. But he can't hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth or the resulting dimple.
Jensen kind of wants to lick him. That urge is getting harder to resist these days.
Clearly, Jensen needs to be much more drunk.
"We're here," the cabbie says.
"Yahtzee," Jensen says.
Jared laughs. "What does that even mean?"
***
The party is in full swing and there appears to be plenty of booze. Jared leans down and says, "Why are we here again?"
Sometimes Jared, for all his antics, is surprisingly little old lady-like. "If we can't enjoy this sort of debauchery now, when can we?" Jensen asks philosophically.
"I have my camera," Jared says. "If you end up on the counter trying to Wild Coyote your way through Pour Some Sugar on Me again, it will be going on youtube."
"It's like I don't even know you sometimes."
Jensen makes his way to the bar and fixes himself what turns out to be a truly vile drink. There's a reason he's not a bartender, beyond it being a waste of his good looks. He drinks it anyway because he was brought up right and he owns his liquor-related mistakes. Usually.
When he turns around to try and get Jared to try his invention, he finds that Jared isn't there. Which generally isn't a problem. He need only look for the tallest guy in the room, but instead of Jared, his eye catches on Welling making his way toward the bar.
"Tommy!" Jensen doesn't really have to fake the enthusiasm. He couldn't be more delighted.
Tom makes a face. "You lose your puppy?"
Which is just so bitchy. There's a reason Jensen likes him so much. "Nah. He's around here somewhere." He goes to pat Tom's chest in reassurance that he's still a pretty princess, but he's maybe already kicked over from buzzed to drunk and he ends up resting his hand there. "It's good of you to come out." Then he laughs, because sometimes he's funny even when he's not trying.
Before he can worry about Tom punching him, he hears someone call his name and he turns to find little Allison Mack at his side.
"Allie!" He wraps her in a hug until she punches him to let her go. It's their thing. "How are you, gorgeous?" he asks upon her release.
"I'm good. Good." Her smile isn't on full-wattage and Jensen gets the sinking feeling he's about to get a talking-to. "So, Jensen."
Jensen looks around and realizes that Tom has taken this opportunity to exit stage left. Dammit. "So, Allie."
She makes concerned face at him and asks, "What happened? Why is Tom…" She makes a hand gesture that Jensen assumes is supposed to indicate crazy.
With anyone else, Jensen would make a flippant remark about Tom and his inability to function as a person. Maybe something about how he should just give it up and go live in the mountains and actually become that crazy hermit guy, but it's Allison and she's genuinely concerned about Tom because she's a better person than the rest of them. So instead, he simply says, "It's nothing you need to worry about."
Allison makes a face that suggests she's not going to let it rest at that.
"Seriously, we just—" Before he can finish the thought, someone's arm slips around his waist. He turns to find Jared smiling down at him.
"Veronica Mars is here."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Dude, don't hit on Kristen again."
"I didn't hit on her last time. Not seriously, anyway," Jared amends. "She's just, like, my second favorite tiny blonde." He turns, then, to wink at Allison, who's watching them with an, Oh, I see… sort of expression on her face.
The bitch of it is, Jensen can't even deny it. He needs another drink.
"I need another drink." Jensen raises his eyebrows at Jared, who still has his arm warm around his waist, his hand resting casually on Jensen's hip.
"Yeah, right." Jared laughs.
"C'mon, baby," Jensen says, raising his hand to pat Jared's chest. "You know I make shit drinks."
"Dude," Jared starts, then shakes his head. "How do you suck so hard? You want anything, Ms. Mack?"
"No. Thanks." Allison waits until Jared walks away before turning a flabbergasted look on Jensen.
"It's not what you think," Jensen says, irritated that he's been caught out.
"I'm not honestly sure what I think," she says after a moment. Her expression softens. "You're kind of gone for him, huh?"
Jensen laughs and hooks an arm around Allison's neck, pulling her against him. "Allie, baby, I love you like family and I'd do about anything for you. But if you think we're going to have a hair-braiding conversation about this, you are sadly mistaken." He sways back and forth and sing-songs, "Not going to happen. Not going to happen."
She struggles against him and pushes far enough away that her face isn't pressed into his armpit. "But that's what this is about, right?" Like an adorable little pit-bull.
"This?" The thing is, Jensen can't actually get mad at Allison. Because her obnoxious tenacity comes out of a place of love for her friends and she wants to help, to make things better for everyone. She's also one of the few people who think that, deep down, both Tom and Jensen are Good Guys and Jensen has this insane desire to not disappoint her.
"You and Tom. Why you guys broke up?"
"Jensen and Tom broke up?" This, of course, would be the part of the conversation that Jared arrives back in time to catch. Not that there's any part of this conversation that Jensen would've liked Jared to overhear. Jared is laughing like he walked in on a punchline that he didn't really need to hear the joke to get.
Which is great. Jensen can work with that, but before he can come up with something appropriately glib, Allison pulls away from him completely, all obvious and guilty. Jared is sober, so his expression falls flat as he gets it.
"Sorry. Did I interrupt?"
"No," Jensen says as he grabs his drink from Jared's hand. "I wasn't dating Tom." He addresses this comment to the empty space between Allison and Jared and then takes a sip of the drink which is, of course, fantastic. Because Jared is just that sort of asshole.
"Right," Jared says.
"I'm gonna go find Kristen," Allison says.
"Shall we mingle?" Jensen asks like nothing really awkward just happened.
Jared gives him a, Just wait 'til we get home look. "Sure, why not?"
***
Jensen is feeling pleasantly numb, so far past drunk that it's a fuzzy, distant memory. They're standing in a corner, talking to Lois Lane when he looks up to see Hartley jogging down the stairs. Jensen thinks, Watch this space and sure enough, not two minutes later Tom appears. Unerringly, he looks straight at Jensen.
In a show of no hard feelings and solidarity and shit, Jensen brings his hand up to wipe the tip of his nose, then he pokes his cheek with his tongue and laughs. Tom apparently does not appreciate his humor because he flips him off and continues on his merry way, presumably in pursuit of cock.
"I think we should go," Jared says from somewhere behind him. Above him. Jensen idly wonders how long Jared has been holding him up. How much of that exchange Jared caught.
"Uh, yeah," Lois Lane says. Like she knows anything.
"Erica!" Jensen says suddenly, because he knows her name. "It's always a pleasure."
She smirks and Jared is steering him away, out of the house and he's talking, but Jensen is pretty sure it's not to him.
"Thanks," Jared says a moment later. "Cab's on its way."
"Awesome." They're outside now and it feels nice. It was actually pretty hot in there. Jared is sweaty. "You make good drinks, man."
"You mentioned that. Fifteen times. And you kept calling Erica 'Lois'."
"I know her name." It's been mentioned to Jensen that he sometimes repeats himself when he's drunk. Jared's arm is wrapped around him again, which is weird. Should be weird. For normal people it would be weird. But it's just something Jared does and Jensen sighs and moves around until he can rest his forehead against Jared's shoulder.
"Wake me up when the cab gets here," he mumbles. Jared smells good, which shouldn't be possible when he's that sweaty. In a lot of ways, Jared's existence in the world is totally unfair. But his arm tightens around Jensen's waist as Jensen sways and he finds he doesn't actually mind all the ways in which Jared is too awesome.
***
Somehow, they are at Jared's place and Jensen is on the bed with Jared tugging off his boots. It makes him laugh.
"You do remember that we have to fly back to Vancouver tomorrow, right?" Jared sounds irritated. He stands once Jensen is bootless and frowns down at him.
"Jared, Jared, Jared." Jensen pushes himself into a sitting position. He really has no memory of getting here. Jared takes good care of him. "Why so disapproving?"
"Nothing. Whatever." Jared looks away. "You could've told me about you and Tom."
Is that what this was about? Jensen grins and curls his legs up under him so he can sit up on his knees. He overbalances, but Jared is right there to catch him before he falls on his face. "Hey, Jared. Sometimes Tom blows me. But not anymore." He shrugs. "Tom is crazy. There wasn't really anything to tell."
His arms are resting on Jared's shoulders and if he reaches up, he could tangle his fingers in Jared's hair. "It wasn't a relationship. It was, whatever. Head. We didn't, like, make out or anything." He sways a little closer to Jared and his eyes focus on Jared's mouth. Which isn't smiling.
"You should get some sleep," Jared says a second later, reaching up to remove Jensen's arms and push him gently back on the bed. "We'll talk tomorrow." And then he walks out of the room.
"Jared," Jensen says belatedly and pushes up again, overbalances again, but this time Jared isn't there to catch him. He falls sideways off the bed and lands hard on his hip and elbow. Jared doesn't even return to investigate the noise and Jensen decides that trying to crawl back onto the bed on his own is too much effort. He tugs at the corner of the nearest blanket until it's mostly dislodged from the bed and wraps it around his shoulders.
He'll straighten everything out in the morning.
***
"C'mon, Jensen. You can't sleep anymore."
"Lies," Jensen says and tries to turn away from the hand that's poking at him. Which doesn't really work because the entire left side of his body is unbelievably sore. Jesus.
"I'll finish packing your shit, but if I am going to be sitting next to you on the plane, you will take a shower before we have to leave." Jared is now nudging him with his foot.
Jensen risks opening one eye and regrets it immediately. "Why am I on the floor?"
"That's between you and the bed, dude. Get up. There's coffee in it for you if you successfully shower."
"Just leave me here to die." Jensen considers this a fair compromise.
"No."
And Jensen has to get up after that, because he can't actually think of an argument to counter "no". When he stands, he realizes that this is God's punishment for him breaking his promise to never drink again. Clearly He sent down some angels to beat the shit out of Jensen while he slept. There is no other explanation.
The shower doesn't help as much as it should and neither does the coffee. Jensen feels mildly guilty about Jared rushing around to make sure all their shit is together, but he can't muster the energy to even pretend to help. So he lets Jared do everything— pack, cab, airport, security, tickets and Jensen tags along after him like a small, incompetent child to the point where he waits for Jared to tell him where to sit once they make it onto the plane.
"So, uh, hey," Jensen says once they're settled in their seats, waiting to take off.
But Jared shakes his head. "Quiet time," he says as he pulls out his ipod.
"Yeah. Sure." Jensen leans his head back and lets it go for the moment. He hopes the flight is smooth, because he really might vomit otherwise.
***
"I think that maybe I don't have any friends left in Vancouver." Jensen says it matter-of-factly, but the thought really makes him sort of sad.
"Well, you are a gigantic tool," Chris says.
Jensen became friends with Chris and Steve because it never hurts to have musician friends. It makes one seem all deep and artistic. He keeps them around because they make him look like a decent person by comparison.
"Thanks, man." The conversation moves on from there, because Jensen isn't actually stupid enough to try and talk to Chris Kane about his problems. Especially this situation with Jared because it feels, well, personal.
The thing is, it's been three days and Jared is still being weird. Jensen doesn't see an alternative to having a Conversation at this point, but he doesn't know where to start. The details of the weekend are fuzzy at best. Which is generally fine, but in this case makes him feel like he's at a disadvantage.
"I mean, what the fuck, right?" Chris is saying. He's been ranting about something for awhile. "Bunch of fucking dickwads with their goddamn panties in a twist. Right?"
"Yeah, sure," Jensen agrees. "So I'm gonna go now."
"Later," Chris says and hangs up before Jensen can respond.
Jensen's life would be so much easier if Jared were as much of a gigantic self-involved asshole as the rest of Jensen's friends. Not that he hasn't made a valiant effort in the time they've known each other, but then he'll go and text Jensen something random and hilarious when Jensen's in a bad mood or bring him a perfect cup of coffee when he's about to drop from exhaustion. Like he's paying attention and he actually gives a shit.
Jared not being a complete and utter douchebag is where their only real disconnect exists and is pretty much the reason Jensen's in love with him.
All over the country, Jensen thinks, his exes are laughing their asses off and they have no idea why.
***
"So, what's your problem?" Jensen asks when Jared opens the door.
"Besides the fact that you woke me up and we have an early call tomorrow?" Jared is standing there in his ridiculous SpongeBob pajama pants and an A-Team T-shirt, the combination of which is wrong and offensive on multiple levels.
Jensen walks past Jared and sheds his jacket, dropping it on the floor of the entryway.
"Come on in," Jared mutters.
"You've got to admit, you've been kind of a bitch the past couple of days."
Jared looks incredulous at this. "I'm sorry?"
"No need to apologize, I'm just curious." Jensen shrugs. "That time of the month?"
"What the fuck, Jensen?" Jared sounds bewildered, like he has no idea where any of this is coming from. Like he hasn't been walking around like an ice princess all week.
"Well, apparently I hurt your girly feelings and we need talk about it and have a moment and cry and hug it out. So let's chat."
"Fucking blow me, dickhead." Jared turns and starts walking toward the kitchen.
He really couldn't ask for a better opening, so he forces himself to man-up and say, "Would that do it?" His stance is belligerent, braced for a fight one way or the other, but Jared only freezes, his back still to Jensen. Doesn't say anything for long enough to make it weird. "I mean, uh," Jensen says when it's clear that Jared isn't going to answer. "Is that something you'd be interested in?"
This is not exactly how Jensen imagined things going down.
Jared finally turns, crossing his arms over his chest. His expression is not what Jensen would call encouraging. "Why are you here? I mean, do you even know?"
"You're mad at me?" Jensen didn't actually mean for it to come out as a question.
"And you, what? Want to blow me and make it better?" Jared's voice is neutral, mildly curious and it gives away nothing.
"Well, I mean, I want to blow you anyway." Jensen figures he's in it this deep, he might as well go for broke. "If it makes you less irritated, then. Y'know. Bonus."
"Jensen." Jared takes a deep breath and sighs. "Look, whatever. You're my best friend. I'll get over it. But I'm not gonna be your rebound fuck. You can crash on the couch if you want." He waves his hand in the direction of the living room and starts walking away again, towards the bedroom like he's going back to bed.
It takes Jensen a minute to process what Jared says and it still doesn't make sense. He catches up with him in the hallway. "Wait up, man. What am I supposed to be rebounding from?"
"You've been fucking Tom." Jared says it without looking at him, shrugs Jensen's hand off of his arm.
"Tom's been blowing me," Jensen corrects. He feels it's an important distinction to make.
"Whatever. The point is—"
"Fuck your point," Jensen says, cutting him off. "If you're not interested, just tell me you're not interested. Tom has fuck-all to do with anything."
"Right," Jared says. "So, you didn't get wasted last week when he broke up with you at the bar? You didn't get trashed when he showed up in L.A. and hooked up with Hartley?"
"What?" Jensen slumps against the wall and stares at Jared. "What? Dude, you think I've been all pining and self-destructive over Welling?" The thought is too absurd to endure and Jensen starts laughing. "Really?"
"Why don't you tell me what happened, then?" Jared asks, equal parts irritated and confused.
Jensen shakes his head. "Tom is a fucking nutjob who gets off on my blatant disregard. I turned him down last week at the bar, cue his atypical behavior in showing up in L.A. And hooking up with Hartley, apparently." He's not sure he actually knew about that part.
"Right. If he's such a psycho, why fool around with him in the first place?"
"Are you seriously asking me why I didn't turn down no-strings head from Tom Welling?" Jensen raises an eyebrow. "Have you seen him?"
"Okay," Jared says slowly. "Then if it was such a fantastic arrangement, why turn him down now? Why this?" He waves his hand in between them.
"Seriously? With as full of yourself as you are, how do you not know the answer to that?" Jensen has no idea how he hasn't figured it out yet. "I'm fucking retarded over you, man. I have been for years. So fucking stupid and it's not going away. And if you're not interested, you need to tell me now."
"Jensen."
It's all he says, but Jensen knows what it means. Jared is standing there, not moving closer and there's nothing but regret in his expression.
"Right. Okay." Jensen scrubs his hand through his hair and pushes away from the wall. "Well, good talk. I'm gonna go, y'know, try and get some sleep before work."
For a moment, Jared looks like he's going to protest, but he ends up nodding and saying nothing at all.
***
The rest of the week is uncomfortable, to say the least. It's not like Jensen's never been turned down before. Not that it's a regular occurrence or anything, but it has happened. He's just not sure it's ever happened with someone he was really interested in. Or friends with.
In retrospect, he probably could've handled the entire situation with a little more finesse.
Whatever. It's done and now they have to deal with it, which Jensen does by making sure that he and Jared are not at any point left alone together to talk. Jared seems onboard with this plan, so it works out pretty well. They are on the set and, despite evidence to the contrary, they can be professional. So there's that, at least.
Who needs a best friend, anyway? Fuck Jared for turning him into such a fucking girl in the first place.
By the time they finally wrap for the week, Jensen is as exhausted as he usually is and then some. He just wants to go home and get pathetically drunk and sleep for the weekend. He's already got a bottle of whiskey and a bag of Fritos waiting for him at home. He's good, or he will be by Monday.
So it comes as something of a surprise when the car pulls up at Jensen's place and Jared gets out as well.
"Um," Jensen says. "You don't live here."
"No shit, genius. We need to talk." Jared has his determined face on and Jensen sighs.
"Okay, whatever." He is too tired to argue as Jared follows him inside. Jensen heads straight for the kitchen to fix himself a drink. "You want a beer or something?"
"You're kind of an asshole," Jared tells him.
"Fine, I have whiskey, too." He grabs a couple of glasses and the bottle of Jack.
"You're also stupid."
"Well, awesome. This is fun." When Jensen turns around, Jared is leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. "We should do it more often. Really."
"Dude." Jared takes the glasses and bottles out of Jensen's hands and sets them aside. "It's like you're an idiot toddler. I don't even know how you manage to dress yourself."
"If you start insulting my momma, we're gonna have words," Jensen warns him and Jared laughs. "Seriously, what the fuck? You want me to apologize? Fine. I'm sorry."
Jared's smile fades a little. "What are you sorry for, Jensen?"
"I don't know. Propositioning you? Fucking everything up? Being an asshole?" Jensen shrugs. "All of the above? Take your pick."
"How about being stuck so far up your own ass that you miss the most obvious fucking thing in the world?" Jared reaches out and hooks a finger in one of Jensen's belt loops and tugs him forward.
"So, stupid question," Jensen says when he's settled between Jared's legs. "What's happening here?"
"It's a good thing you're so pretty," is Jared's less-than-helpful response before he leans down and brushes his lips over Jensen's.
It's not quite a kiss, but Jensen's body reacts like it is and he makes an involuntary noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a moan and a grunt, like he's just had the wind knocked out of him. His pulse spikes and every muscle in his body is weirdly tense from the adrenaline rush and the whole thing is just so fucked up.
"Um," Jensen says after a moment. He opens his eyes, doesn't remember shutting them, and takes a step back. "What?" Jared lets him move away, but doesn't unhook his finger from Jensen's pants, which means Jensen can only go so far.
"Dude, how do you?" Jared shakes his head. "I know everything about you. I know your stupid habits, your weird food texture issues, how you take your coffee. I know that, in addition to the whiskey, you have two bags of Fritos in your cupboard right now because you were going to be lameass pathetic all weekend. If I were a girl, you'd have pegged me for a stalker years ago."
"I only have one bag of Fritos," Jensen says, because that's the only part of that whole thing that he feels comfortable addressing at the moment.
Jared grins and shakes his head again. "Whatever. My point is, how are you the level of stupid that doesn't get that I've been panting after you since the day we met? Everyone else knows. Fucking Veronica Mars knows it."
"Her name isn't Veronica Mars."
"And Erica's isn't Lois Lane, asshole. Are you being deliberately obtuse?"
"Maybe," Jensen stalls. "What the fuck happened the other night?"
For the first time tonight, Jared looks a little chagrined. "I thought you'd finally figured it out and you were maybe fucking with me about it."
"You really think I'm the kind of jackass that would do something like that?" Jensen asks. At Jared's raised eyebrow, he amends, "To you?"
"Well, it's possible you're not the only idiot in this scenario." Jared tugs Jensen back up against him. "So are we on the same page yet?"
Jensen narrows his eyes, his gaze locking on Jared's mouth. "Is it the page where we're about to have a lot of sex?" He doesn't wait for an answer to start unbuttoning Jared's pants.
"That'd be the one," Jared says as Jensen unzips his fly. Then he cups his hand against the back of Jensen's neck and pulls him in for an actual kiss and Jensen is fucking gone.
Jared's mouth is perfect, better than Jensen's dirtiest fantasies and it's only a kiss, hot and wet and slow, but the thing is, it's Jared. Jensen probably shouldn't be as surprised as he is that it makes a difference. He slips his hand down the front of Jared's pants and Jared presses up into his palm as Jensen strokes slowly over his length through his boxers.
"Wanna blow you," he says against Jared's mouth.
"Ummmm," is Jared's only response.
Jensen takes this as permission and pushes Jared's jeans and boxers down over his hips, leans in for another kiss, quick and fierce and Jared follows him a little when he pulls away. "It's been awhile," he warns as he drops to his knees. "So, y'know."
As a rule, Jensen would rather receive a blowjob than give one. It's not his favorite thing in the world to do and he's never put that much effort into perfecting the art because he's Jensen Ackles and if he's willing to go down on someone, they're generally not stupid enough to complain about his technique. With Jared's cock hard and huge in front of him, it's is the first time he's ever regretted that. He wants it to be good.
Jared rests his hand on the back of Jensen's head, not pulling or pushing, just sort of there and when Jensen looks up, he smiles. "It's you," he says and Jensen nods. He gets that.
"I don't swallow, so you better fucking warn me," he says and takes the head of Jared's cock into his mouth before he can respond. Jared thrusts and Jensen chokes but manages to keep his teeth covered. Overall, it's pretty awful until Jensen gets one hand on Jared's hip and the other around the base of his cock.
"Sorry. Sorry," Jared says above him.
Jensen grunts in response and gets to work, bobbing his head slowly and pressing his tongue up and, really, it's still not his favorite thing ever. But Jared is gasping and swearing and Jensen can feel the tension in his body as he tries not to thrust. His hand is on Jensen's head, sort of patting him at random intervals and Jensen thinks, yeah, he could be convinced of the appeal in this. In wanting to do this to Jared on a regular basis.
He moves his fist over Jared's cock in counterpoint to his mouth and he's getting into it in a genuine sort of way when Jared starts tugging at his hair and Jensen thinks, Okay, not cool, before he realizes what that signifies, pulls his mouth off and moves to the side a little.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Jared says and covers Jensen's hand with his own speeding up their strokes and Jensen watches Jared as he comes, fascinated at the way his expression crumbles, the way he bends over like he's just been sucker-punched.
It's the single hottest thing Jensen's seen in his entire fucking life.
"God," Jensen says, wiping his hand absently on his leg as he stands up. He's so hard right now he feels dizzy with it, with Jared watching him through half-lidded eyes.
"Yeah." Jared nods, tugging his pants back up and Jensen has to kiss him again.
He presses up against Jared, spreads his legs wider when Jared slips a thigh between them and groans into Jared's mouth when he grabs Jensen's hips and tugs him close. Jensen has one hand fisted in Jared's hair, the other cupping the side of his face as he kisses him. It's exactly what he's wanted to for so long that he can't remember a time when he didn't, when Jared's mouth wasn't at the center of his every dirty thought.
Jensen rocks his hips against Jared, the friction not quite enough. But Jared's kissing him back, gorgeous and lewd, licking the taste of himself out of Jensen's mouth and every slick press of his tongue is a hint of things to come. A promise of just how good this has the potential to be. Jensen wants it all, every single thing Jared's hinting at and more but he can't pull away long enough to ask for any of it. He can only demand with the jerky thrust of his hips and somewhere in the corner of his mind, he's pretty sure he's going to end up coming in his pants in another thirty seconds.
Then again, maybe Jared does know him as well as he claims, because he works a hand between their bodies and undoes Jensen's pants, gets his hand down the front of his boxers. It's not great. The angle is weird and they're pressed too close together for Jared to have any sort of decent leverage. But then Jared tightens his grip on the upstroke and his hand is fucking huge and Jensen's coming like it's the best sex he's ever had.
If shitty sex between them is this good...
"Yeah, we're definitely doing that again," Jared says, moving from Jensen's mouth to suck where his pulse is hammering against his throat.
"God, yes," Jensen agrees. He's about to suggest right now as a viable option when his exhaustion returns full-force. Post-orgasm, with Jared idly nuzzling his neck, Jensen realizes how worried he really was, how fucking terrified he'd been that he'd well and truly screwed everything up between them.
"So," Jared says, looking up and then he starts laughing. "Christ, Jensen. You looked wiped. I mean, I know I'm good."
"Shut up," Jensen says without heat. "It's been a long week."
"Yeah it has." Jared bends down and kisses his nose. It's kind of obnoxious. "C'mon, baby. Let's get you to bed."
"Fuck you. Just for that—" Jensen starts, but Jared kisses him again and he forgets to finish the thought.
***
Jensen wakes up way too early. He feels like he could use another twelve or so hours of sleep, but when he closes his eyes again, he knows he's not going to manage that at the moment. Jared is still asleep next to him, one arm curled under his head, the other resting warm on Jensen's chest. It makes Jensen feel ridiculous and sappy and more than a little disgusted with himself that he doesn't even care.
Careful not to disturb Jared, he slides out of bed and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He pisses and brushes his teeth, then decides that since he's not going back to bed, he might as well shower. Two minutes into it, he hears the door open.
"No sense of personal boundaries," he says over the noise of the water.
"Promise I won't flush," Jared replies. "Did you move my toothbrush?"
"Medicine cabinet."
They've each crashed at other's place often enough that they both have a few things at both apartments. Toothbrushes, shaving kits, underwear. Jensen's smiling when Jared joins him in the shower.
"How long have we been dating?" he asks as Jared ducks his head under the spray to get his hair wet.
"At least a year, but apparently not exclusively."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Well, now that I've given you my Letterman's jacket..."
"Promises, promises," Jared says and bends to kiss him, but Jensen stops him.
"Jared—"
"Dude, I know," Jared grins. "I didn't figure you'd want to have a conversation about it, though. But if I'm wrong, by all means." He spreads his hands in a please, go on gesture.
"Wash my back, asshole." Jensen turns away before Jared's dimples get the better of him.
A moment later, Jared's soapy hands are moving over Jensen's shoulders. "So, I was thinking about what we should do today," he says, his hands moving lower. "You should make me breakfast, because I've decided I should be wooed."
"Oh yeah?" Jensen tries to laugh, but it comes out as more of a gasp when Jared's hands move down over his ass.
"Mmhmm." Jared brushes a soapy finger between Jensen's cheeks, too quick to be anything more than a tease. "Once I am properly courted, which will involve bacon, by the way, we can fuck."
"Not sure I have bacon," Jensen says, leaning back as Jared finally fists his hand over Jensen's cock.
"There's some in the freezer." It shouldn't be hot, but it is. Maybe because of the low, rough edge to Jared's voice, or the way his hand is moving over Jensen, slow and sure and steady. Maybe it's the way Jared's cock is hard and slipping against Jensen's back, between his cheeks with Jared's lazy thrusts.
Maybe it's the stupid fact that Jared knows the contents of Jensen's fucking freezer.
"What if," Jensen gasps as Jared swipes his thumb over the head of his cock. "What if we reversed the order of that? Fucking then breakfast?"
Jared hums in his ear. "How about this? I'm going to make you come." He starts stroke Jensen a little faster, thrusting against his back a little harder. "You're going to make me breakfast, something hearty so that." His breath hitches and his rhythm momentarily falters. "I want to fuck you, Jensen." The cocky edge is gone from his voice and he ends up sounding needy and a little desperate.
This works for Jensen in a major way if the force of his orgasm is anything to go by. Jared thrusts against him a few more times before he's coming too.
"I'll take that as a yes," Jared finally says.
"Take it however you want," Jensen tells him. "Doesn't mean you're right."
They have just enough time to finish rinsing off before the hot water runs out.
***
"Keep in mind that this is wooing," Jensen says as he sticks the pan of bacon in the oven to cook. "This isn't like a regular thing. I'm serious," he says as Jared continues to smile at him. "Your cock isn't going to magically make me that perfect 50's housewife you've secretly been dreaming about."
Jared laughs at that. "So you think. For all you know, my jizz is totally magical and transformative."
"Yeah, okay," Jensen says sarcastically as he goes to get some eggs out of the fridge. It's not that he's worried, exactly. He's just not sure what Jared expects now. If this is like a relationship or whatever.
"Hey, Jensen," Jared says conversationally. "You're seriously like one of the biggest assholes I know. And I'm friends with Chad, dude."
Jensen turns to glare at him. "You say the most charming fucking things, sweetheart."
"Right, so you're kind of this gigantic douchebag," Jared continues, ignoring Jensen completely. "I like that about you." He nods. "You make it work somehow."
"Oh." Jensen grins and nods. "Well, I'm pretty fucking awesome."
"My point exactly."
"You're kind of a dickwad yourself," Jensen tells him.
"Of course." Jared leans back in his chair and threads his fingers behind his head. "Who else would put up with your bullshit?"
So, yeah. Okay, Jensen thinks. This might actually work.
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Date: 2009-12-09 02:04 am (UTC)