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errant_janeNotes: There was this panel at Wincon called How Not to Be a Jerk on the Internet (with the lovely and brilliant ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kirbybits, spookshowbaby, drvsilla and sparkymonster as panelists) which I enjoyed immensely. This is my essay-interpretation of said panel, because I am the geek who enjoys writing essays. Mostly this was done to amuse myself and ethrosdemon. In that order.
This is based on that panel which means I can't take credit for the brilliant ideas, but it was put into my words, so if you have issues, it was probably my bad. However, I'll have you know, lurkers totally support me in email.
How Not To Be a Jerk On the Internet and Other Important Life Lessons.
Fangirl, meet the internet. Internet, fangirl. Now, before you skip straight to the porn, we have some hints to help you get the most out of your fannish experience! The first is:
LURK MOAR
It's a good idea when joining an established fandom* to lurk for awhile. Maybe you've been in fandom five minutes, maybe you've been in fandom for fifteen years. It's still a good idea. Every fandom has its own social customs and its own set of crazies. You're much less likely to step in it if you take some time to get a feel for these things in the fandom of your newest sparkly love.
*If the fandom of your newest sparkly love is a new fandom, go hog wild!! Ground floor, baby! You get to throw in you $.02 and establish fanon and your BNFdom! Rock on with your bad self. Then, when the new kids start rolling in, you too can shake your fist and reminisce about the good old days of __________ fandom.
WE CAN SEE U
You have lurked for a sufficient amount of time and now you are ready to wade in to the fannish waters. Congratulations! Welcome to the madness, have a glass of Kool-Aid! Here's the thing: LJ is not the unicorn diary you keep under your pillow. It is public, you have an audience. Not just the people who have you friended, but also those who are choosing to LURK MOAR.
But my LJ is my space!
True enough. So think of your LJ as your front yard. You can mow the lawn (or not), plant flowers and trees and have pink flamingos and garden gnomes to your heart's content. Express yourself! Just know that anyone can drive down the street your yard faces. If you decide to cop a squat there and someone drives by, they might, well, comment.
But my LJ is friends-locked!
Okay, think of it, then, as a gated community. You can know your neighbors to some extent, but it's still a semi-public space. And some of them might have cameras. Just keep that in mind.
The flip side of this is, someone's personal LJ is their space. Think of it as their front yard. Sure, it's not fenced in and you can totally go cop a squat on the ugly-ass gnome they have humping the pink flamingo. This doesn't mean you should. In fact, it's best to try and refrain from pooping in someone else's yard altogether.
And if you see them crapping in their own yard, sometimes it’s best to just drive on by. It’s generally embarrassing enough for them to be caught out doing that without you having to comment on it. If you’re seeing it, other people are seeing it, too. Oh, hey, look! It’s the high road! Why don’t we take it?
Admittedly, this is not always easy. Especially when:
Someone is WRONG ON THE INTERNET
It happens sometimes. INORIGHT? Try not to faint from shock. I don't have my smelling salts on me.
Despite what the hivemind might tell you, we don't all have to agree on everything. We don't all have to ship the same ship or agree wrt characterization. We can disagree with our friends, even!!
What this means is, someone might be wrong on the internet to you, but be right to fangirls x, y and z. There's a whole lot of wank that could be avoided if we agreed to live and let live on these things. So what if half your lolcats friendslist is shipping cat/cheezburger when clearly the lolcats OTP is ceiling cat/basement cat?
Comfort yourself with the smug moral superiority of your rightness. It's awesome, yes? Now pat yourself on the back. Good.
I know, I know!! Sometimes it is hard to ignore fanbrat behavior. That is why you have your fandom bff. A good fandom bff will listen to you bitch up one side and down the other about the crazy lolrus/bukkit contingent. She'll even cheer you on sometimes.
But what if someone is being a particularly ginormous douchenozzle?
Good question! It's still best not to engage. Start an email chain with your fannish cabal. Bitch it out of your system. Or, do what your therapist suggested and compose that DIAF letter.
Dear Fandom Douchenozzle,
You are wrong Wrong WRONG ON THE INTERNET!!!! FOADIAF!!! UR FACE AND UR MOM AND UR MOM'S FACE x ELEVNTY-BILLION!!!
Hate you 4ever,
Me
Don't send it. Don't post it in a filtered post, either. Do send it to the email cabal. They think you're hilarious.
If you're not feeling better, it might be time to take a break from the internet. The great thing about working with a text-based medium is that you don't have to respond to something right away. You can take some time to think about it. Use this to your advantage.
The other great thing about working with a text-based medium is that people can’t actually read your tone. You should also use this to your advantage. Formulate the most diplomatic response you possibly can. Nobody else needs to know that it’s supposed to read with an I loathe ur stupid face with the white-hot passion of a thousand burning suns undercurrent. Even if they suspect this to be the case, they can’t really point at your diplomatic response and be like, “Look at this bitchface with her reasonableness!!” It’s the internet equivalent of "Bless your heart!"
The bad thing about working with a text-based medium is that you cannot actually read someone's tone. Generally, you can get a pretty good idea, especially if it’s someone you read/interact with on a regular basis. However, if it's possible that whatever set you off is open to interpretation, give that person the benefit of the doubt. Ask for clarification before you decide to roll up into their lj and school them. There's every chance that something came across in a way they didn’t intend and everything can be resolved in a friendly manner. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Actually, take a moment to think of how lovely the world would be if people did this IRL as well. Okay! Moving on.
Sometimes the person who is Wrong on the Internet is actually going to be you. When this happens:
SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP
The best thing to do when you get caught with your pants down is to own up to it. Mea culpa that bitch. Maybe you accidentally made public a post that should have been filtered or private (don’t post bitchery while drunk!). Maybe you got caught out mocking something you shouldn't have. Maybe you forgot to have your V-8 and argued about something you should have wiki'd first.
Look, we're all human. We're all occasionally bitchy and petty and wrong. If someone calls you on it, if you've hurt someone's feelings (or offended them unintentionally, even), the best thing to do is apologize and move on. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, we hate being wrong. Sometimes we just have to suck it up!
You don't understand! What I meant was—
Yeah, I know, bb. You didn't mean it like that, nobody understands you and you’re a super-special snowflake who is never wrong. Apologize anyway. It'll save you much time and effort and you'll walk away from the interaction looking like the bigger person for owning your shit. It's much harder to wank someone who is all, "Hay, sorry about my crazy moment! My bad."
Sure, you could do it that way. Instead what I've done instead is ignore all of this and now I've made fandom_wank.
Congratulations! Okay, listen very carefully. DO NOT go defend yourself in fandom_wank. DO NOT go defend your friends in fandom_wank.
Wait, what if—
No.
Well, I can if—
Nope.
But what about when—
Not even then. Think of f_w as Devil’s Snare. The more you struggle against it, the worse it gets. You look wanky, your friends look wanky, you end up more pissed off than you started and they will still be pointing and laughing. Trust me on this one. No matter how wrong they have it, no matter how many valid points you have to make, it’s best to just let it go and walk away. (Of course, if you can do this before it hits f_w, so much the better).
SRS BZNZ?
There are occasions when the thing that upset you is actually Srs Bznz! How do you tell if this is the case or not? A good rule to go by is, "Could I explain this to a non-fannish person in a way that doesn't make me sound eighteen shades of crazy?"
It's the difference between: "Someone was spouting some really vile and racist bs about one of my friends," versus, "Someone was talking shit about Ian Somerhalder's eyebrows."
Remember your mama telling you that you've got to pick your battles? This is what she meant. Well, maybe not this exactly, but you get the idea.
In conclusion: Cock
The fact of the matter is, wanking takes a lot of time, effort and energy and yields very little in the way of satisfying results. It takes time, effort and energy that could be better spent on porn. Isn't that what we're all here for, anyway?
Sure, sure. And these are excellent tips for everyone else. But I'm the exception to the rules, right?
Yes, of course. That was my entire point. As I said before, you are a super-special snowflake and we love you just the way you are.
End Note: I wish the macros were my idea, but such is not the case. They were all the doing ofjay_jay, as I was not smart enough to think of it, nor do I have the skills to pull it off even if I had. She even coded them for me, 'cause she's just that awesome!!
kirbybits, spookshowbaby, drvsilla and sparkymonster as panelists) which I enjoyed immensely. This is my essay-interpretation of said panel, because I am the geek who enjoys writing essays. Mostly this was done to amuse myself and ethrosdemon. In that order.This is based on that panel which means I can't take credit for the brilliant ideas, but it was put into my words, so if you have issues, it was probably my bad. However, I'll have you know, lurkers totally support me in email.
How Not To Be a Jerk On the Internet and Other Important Life Lessons.
Fangirl, meet the internet. Internet, fangirl. Now, before you skip straight to the porn, we have some hints to help you get the most out of your fannish experience! The first is:
LURK MOAR
It's a good idea when joining an established fandom* to lurk for awhile. Maybe you've been in fandom five minutes, maybe you've been in fandom for fifteen years. It's still a good idea. Every fandom has its own social customs and its own set of crazies. You're much less likely to step in it if you take some time to get a feel for these things in the fandom of your newest sparkly love.
*If the fandom of your newest sparkly love is a new fandom, go hog wild!! Ground floor, baby! You get to throw in you $.02 and establish fanon and your BNFdom! Rock on with your bad self. Then, when the new kids start rolling in, you too can shake your fist and reminisce about the good old days of __________ fandom.
WE CAN SEE U
You have lurked for a sufficient amount of time and now you are ready to wade in to the fannish waters. Congratulations! Welcome to the madness, have a glass of Kool-Aid! Here's the thing: LJ is not the unicorn diary you keep under your pillow. It is public, you have an audience. Not just the people who have you friended, but also those who are choosing to LURK MOAR.
But my LJ is my space!
True enough. So think of your LJ as your front yard. You can mow the lawn (or not), plant flowers and trees and have pink flamingos and garden gnomes to your heart's content. Express yourself! Just know that anyone can drive down the street your yard faces. If you decide to cop a squat there and someone drives by, they might, well, comment.
But my LJ is friends-locked!
Okay, think of it, then, as a gated community. You can know your neighbors to some extent, but it's still a semi-public space. And some of them might have cameras. Just keep that in mind.
The flip side of this is, someone's personal LJ is their space. Think of it as their front yard. Sure, it's not fenced in and you can totally go cop a squat on the ugly-ass gnome they have humping the pink flamingo. This doesn't mean you should. In fact, it's best to try and refrain from pooping in someone else's yard altogether.
And if you see them crapping in their own yard, sometimes it’s best to just drive on by. It’s generally embarrassing enough for them to be caught out doing that without you having to comment on it. If you’re seeing it, other people are seeing it, too. Oh, hey, look! It’s the high road! Why don’t we take it?
Admittedly, this is not always easy. Especially when:
Someone is WRONG ON THE INTERNET
It happens sometimes. INORIGHT? Try not to faint from shock. I don't have my smelling salts on me.
Despite what the hivemind might tell you, we don't all have to agree on everything. We don't all have to ship the same ship or agree wrt characterization. We can disagree with our friends, even!!
What this means is, someone might be wrong on the internet to you, but be right to fangirls x, y and z. There's a whole lot of wank that could be avoided if we agreed to live and let live on these things. So what if half your lolcats friendslist is shipping cat/cheezburger when clearly the lolcats OTP is ceiling cat/basement cat?
Comfort yourself with the smug moral superiority of your rightness. It's awesome, yes? Now pat yourself on the back. Good.
I know, I know!! Sometimes it is hard to ignore fanbrat behavior. That is why you have your fandom bff. A good fandom bff will listen to you bitch up one side and down the other about the crazy lolrus/bukkit contingent. She'll even cheer you on sometimes.
But what if someone is being a particularly ginormous douchenozzle?
Good question! It's still best not to engage. Start an email chain with your fannish cabal. Bitch it out of your system. Or, do what your therapist suggested and compose that DIAF letter.
Dear Fandom Douchenozzle,
You are wrong Wrong WRONG ON THE INTERNET!!!! FOADIAF!!! UR FACE AND UR MOM AND UR MOM'S FACE x ELEVNTY-BILLION!!!
Hate you 4ever,
Me
Don't send it. Don't post it in a filtered post, either. Do send it to the email cabal. They think you're hilarious.
If you're not feeling better, it might be time to take a break from the internet. The great thing about working with a text-based medium is that you don't have to respond to something right away. You can take some time to think about it. Use this to your advantage.
The other great thing about working with a text-based medium is that people can’t actually read your tone. You should also use this to your advantage. Formulate the most diplomatic response you possibly can. Nobody else needs to know that it’s supposed to read with an I loathe ur stupid face with the white-hot passion of a thousand burning suns undercurrent. Even if they suspect this to be the case, they can’t really point at your diplomatic response and be like, “Look at this bitchface with her reasonableness!!” It’s the internet equivalent of "Bless your heart!"
The bad thing about working with a text-based medium is that you cannot actually read someone's tone. Generally, you can get a pretty good idea, especially if it’s someone you read/interact with on a regular basis. However, if it's possible that whatever set you off is open to interpretation, give that person the benefit of the doubt. Ask for clarification before you decide to roll up into their lj and school them. There's every chance that something came across in a way they didn’t intend and everything can be resolved in a friendly manner. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Actually, take a moment to think of how lovely the world would be if people did this IRL as well. Okay! Moving on.
Sometimes the person who is Wrong on the Internet is actually going to be you. When this happens:
SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP
The best thing to do when you get caught with your pants down is to own up to it. Mea culpa that bitch. Maybe you accidentally made public a post that should have been filtered or private (don’t post bitchery while drunk!). Maybe you got caught out mocking something you shouldn't have. Maybe you forgot to have your V-8 and argued about something you should have wiki'd first.
Look, we're all human. We're all occasionally bitchy and petty and wrong. If someone calls you on it, if you've hurt someone's feelings (or offended them unintentionally, even), the best thing to do is apologize and move on. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, we hate being wrong. Sometimes we just have to suck it up!
You don't understand! What I meant was—
Yeah, I know, bb. You didn't mean it like that, nobody understands you and you’re a super-special snowflake who is never wrong. Apologize anyway. It'll save you much time and effort and you'll walk away from the interaction looking like the bigger person for owning your shit. It's much harder to wank someone who is all, "Hay, sorry about my crazy moment! My bad."
Sure, you could do it that way. Instead what I've done instead is ignore all of this and now I've made fandom_wank.
Congratulations! Okay, listen very carefully. DO NOT go defend yourself in fandom_wank. DO NOT go defend your friends in fandom_wank.
Wait, what if—
No.
Well, I can if—
Nope.
But what about when—
Not even then. Think of f_w as Devil’s Snare. The more you struggle against it, the worse it gets. You look wanky, your friends look wanky, you end up more pissed off than you started and they will still be pointing and laughing. Trust me on this one. No matter how wrong they have it, no matter how many valid points you have to make, it’s best to just let it go and walk away. (Of course, if you can do this before it hits f_w, so much the better).
SRS BZNZ?
There are occasions when the thing that upset you is actually Srs Bznz! How do you tell if this is the case or not? A good rule to go by is, "Could I explain this to a non-fannish person in a way that doesn't make me sound eighteen shades of crazy?"
It's the difference between: "Someone was spouting some really vile and racist bs about one of my friends," versus, "Someone was talking shit about Ian Somerhalder's eyebrows."
Remember your mama telling you that you've got to pick your battles? This is what she meant. Well, maybe not this exactly, but you get the idea.
In conclusion: Cock
The fact of the matter is, wanking takes a lot of time, effort and energy and yields very little in the way of satisfying results. It takes time, effort and energy that could be better spent on porn. Isn't that what we're all here for, anyway?
Sure, sure. And these are excellent tips for everyone else. But I'm the exception to the rules, right?
Yes, of course. That was my entire point. As I said before, you are a super-special snowflake and we love you just the way you are.
End Note: I wish the macros were my idea, but such is not the case. They were all the doing of
jay_jay, as I was not smart enough to think of it, nor do I have the skills to pull it off even if I had. She even coded them for me, 'cause she's just that awesome!!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:21 am (UTC)Which is to say XDDD loved this.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:28 am (UTC)Hee!! Thanks!! I had fun writing it.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 01:57 am (UTC)Loved the Macro of the Eyebrows. Give JJ my thumbs up.
Also, it looks like we won't be there until Saturday, if at all, because my migraine is ongoing and Cecily now has diarrhea. Fun Times!!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 02:03 am (UTC)Yes, we've been randomly cracking up over that one all night!
Awww, boo!! I'm sorry! But we will be here Saturday!! We have no set-in-stone plans (that I know of, anyway...)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 02:23 am (UTC)Also important "DO NOT POST UNDER FILTER!" because if you are an IDIOT like I once was, many years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth and Smallville was still a fairly new show, you will fall out with someone, post a HUGE, PAINFUL, NASTY rant about them on your Personal Bitchy Filter, and forget that said person used to be a BFF and is therefore on it.
AWKWARD.
Shoulda sent it to the email cabal.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 09:55 pm (UTC)AWKWARD.
I bet! I have friends with similar stories. Filters are a double-edged sword for sure.
Shoulda sent it to the email cabal.
Let this be a lesson, kids! Learn from the mistakes of others!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 03:39 am (UTC)You gave me the giggles. I hope there's a cream for that.
Glad to hear you had fun at Wincon.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 09:56 pm (UTC)Hee! Thanks!! I'm glad it made you laugh!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 05:32 am (UTC)Wait, what if—
No.
Well, I can if—
Nope.
But what about when—
Not even then.
ROTFLMFAO. I love you.
Yes, of course. That was my entire point. As I said before, you are a super-special snowflake and we love you just the way you are.
I really, really love you.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 10:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 03:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-23 10:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-14 06:46 am (UTC)As for everything else? Congrats! :D Keep up the great work, I can't wait to read more of them. <3
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-17 04:11 am (UTC)