I want to do bad things to you...
Aug. 17th, 2009 05:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
errant_janeWarning: The following contains spoilers through S2 episode 9
Hi, there, True Blood, I'm glad you could join me. Do you know why I called you here today? No? Well, I've been reviewing your S1 and S2 performance and I have a progress report. My credentials? Well, no, I have not read the books upon which you were based, but I have seen TV before. Yes, yes, that does make me more than qualified. I'm glad you agree.
Maybe you ought to sit down. We have some things to discuss.
Let's start off with Sookie and Bill, shall we? I see here that Sookie Stackhouse is the "heroine" of your story. I'd like to talk about what you think that means.
What Sookie should have been:
Kaylee (Firefly)- pretty much across the board. Jewel Staite included. What Sookie should have been is an intriguing mix of innocence and cynicism. Someone who genuinely likes people and wants to believe the best about them, even when she is constantly, unwillingly confronted with people's ugly sides. Someone who is, in short, as engaging to the audience as she is supposed to be to the other characters on the show. Also, someone who can pull all of this off without appearing completely idiotic most of the time.
I must admit, I have more trouble with Bill because I find his archetype inherently boring. Broody vampire who angsts over past misdeeds? It's not as interesting as you might think. (Really, if we could go ahead and get rid of "brooding" as the defining characteristic of our heroes and anti-heroes, I'd be tickled pink) I would take Spike over Angel any day. Lestat over Louis. But you know, at least Louis was played by Brad Pitt. Bill is no Brad Pitt. To say the least. Keeping that in mind...
What Bill should have been:
Played by someone like Christian Bale for one thing. Someone who is hot and mysterious, who can seem like a good guy, but it's entirely possible that he's a sociopath. Outwardly stoic, but in such away that you can catch glimpses of the seething turmoil underneath.
These things are important because they contribute to what you're presenting as the main pairing of the show, True Blood. As the main pairing, the Bill/Sookie dynamic is an important one.
Bill and Sookie's dynamic should have been:
Sookie's natural friendliness and curiosity overwhelming her common sense in an understandable way, fueled by Bill's opaqueness and predatory allure. Bill should remain something of a mystery to the audience. He should seem trustworthy, but you can't quite be sure. At the same time, the audience should feel like, "Well, you can't really blame her," with regard to Sookie's infatuation.
So, these are the basic guidelines you should have been following. Let's see how you did--
Sookie is:
Constantly somewhere between bitchy and fake and downright horrible, with a heavy does of stupidity coloring everything she does.
Bill is:
As compelling as a piece of soggy white bread lying in the gutter.
The Bill/Sookie dynamic is:
Akin to watching a mouth-breathing idiot pick up a piece of soggy white bread lying in the gutter and eat it. You are torn between, "OMG SO GROSS!" and "Why? Why would you pick that up and eat it?" Only Bill/Sookie is vastly less fascinating than that scenario.
Yeah, I know there's not much you can do about that now. But we can learn from our mistakes, right? Speaking of mistakes, let's talk about Maryann. Granted, this storyline has not played out entirely, but I feel pretty safe in commenting anyway.
What the Maryann storyline is:
Somehow both incredibly offensive and mind-numbingly boring at the same time. It is orgies and ancient gods and yet it's constantly in competition with Bill/Sookie for storylines that make you contemplate eating your face off as a viable entertainment alternative.
What the Maryann storyline should have been:
Shot down as soon as it was proposed. It is a waste of some of the most interesting characters you have. Was it two for one margaritas at the bar the night you came up with that? Feel shame for its existence.
Speaking of orgies, True Blood, what is up with all the creepy, gross sex scenes? What possible message are you trying to convey here? Since they comprise half of any given episode, I feel like there must be some larger point to it. Perhaps you think you are being edgy and shocking. If this is the case, let me disabuse you of such a notion. You're just being creepy and gross. Stop it.
Okay, that's all I have in my notes under things that are completely hopeless. Let's move on, shall we?
Needs Work:
While Bill and Sookie are a lost cause, you do have some characters who could be pretty awesome if you would quit dicking them over. (See: Maryann storyline)
Sam:
Sam is presented as a good, decent guy. We like those! However, he falls into the trap that is so often set for such characters: Just because he is a decent guy and right about something (Sookie being an idiot for getting involved with Bill) doesn't give him license to say it any way he pleases without looking like a dick. Every time I feel the need to defend Sookie against Sam, True Blood, my soul dies a little. That's a problem.
What Sam should be:
Old school!Luke Danes (Gilmore Girls)— Lovable curmudgeon.
What Sam sometimes is:
Rufus Humphrey (Gossip Girl)— Sanctimonious asshole.
Now, Gilmore Girls and Gossip Girl both abbreviate to GG, so I can see how you might get confused, True Blood. Please watch S1-S3 of Gilmore Girls and get back to me with an essay on where you went wrong. You need to do your research and work hard in the future to avoid the same mistakes.
Tara and Layfayette:
I'm combining these two, not because they don't each deserve their own section, but rather because I feel like the issues here are enough that you need to do some independent studies. Otherwise, you'll never learn. Whatever you might think, you are not subverting stereotypes.
Despite your best efforts, these two are pretty awesome. Please treat them with the respect they deserve and be aware of context. You are set in rural Louisiana. Context. I know that's asking a lot. I would say I have faith in you, but, well. Let's talk again after you've done some research. The saving grace here is that you did a much better job casting them than you did Bill and Sookie.
Are you crying, True Blood? Don't despair! It's not all doom and gloom. Here are some of the notes I made about the things that are really working for you:
I love you just as you are!
Jason:
Creepy sex scenes aside, Jason is wholly and entirely enjoyable. While he and Sookie seem to be in a constant dumb-off to see who can rack up the most idiot points at any given time, Jason does it with flair and a commitment that few others show in their stupidity. ♥
Jessica:
I love everything about her. She is one of the few characters that make Bill anywhere near watchable, if just for her tantrums of, "OMG I HATE YOU SO MUCH!! YOU ARE MADE OF FAIL BEYOND THE TELLING OF IT!!!" Yes, yes he is, Jessica. Thank you for giving voice to the audience's thoughts. Also, you're lovely.
Jessica/Hoyt:
Awesome like puppies and rainbows. Possibly to an OTP extent. Don't fuck this up, True Blood, or I will hunt you down.
Pam:
Fabulous and fierce. ILU, BB. Never change.
Eric:
I don't think we actually have time to list the ways in which Eric is made of WIN. Suffice it to say he is. As![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jay_jay points out, his attitude re: Sookie seems to be a combination of, "I want a telepath of my own," and "Bill is lame. Therefore, thwarting Bill is mildly amusing." Also, I enjoy his almost perpetual state of, "Bitch, please." Eric, please continue to rock in every conceivable way.
Now, I have a few endnotes that fall under the category of being a bummer, but conceivably justifiable.
Rene:
Honestly, he was well-played, True Blood. I loved him as much as you wanted me to and I actually booed the TV when I realized he was the bad guy. Though, I must say, even at his creepy creeper psycho killing worst, he was still more sympathetic and likable than either Bill or Sookie. I'm sorry to bring that up again, but you failed hard on that one. You're just going to have to take your lumps.
Godric:
I reserve judgment on the end of his storyline until I see how things play out. If you use his death as a launching point to make Eric even more awesome, then I'll forgive it. Well, that and some flashback Eric/Godric sex. Don't try and bullshit me, True Blood. With all of the skeevy sex scenes that I have had to endure over the past four days, you owe me some Eric/Godric sexytiems. It's the least you can do.
That's all I have for now. Why don't you go and think about what we've discussed and see if you can do better. You have potential, True Blood. His name is Eric.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go contemplate some angel porn.
Hi, there, True Blood, I'm glad you could join me. Do you know why I called you here today? No? Well, I've been reviewing your S1 and S2 performance and I have a progress report. My credentials? Well, no, I have not read the books upon which you were based, but I have seen TV before. Yes, yes, that does make me more than qualified. I'm glad you agree.
Maybe you ought to sit down. We have some things to discuss.
Let's start off with Sookie and Bill, shall we? I see here that Sookie Stackhouse is the "heroine" of your story. I'd like to talk about what you think that means.
What Sookie should have been:
Kaylee (Firefly)- pretty much across the board. Jewel Staite included. What Sookie should have been is an intriguing mix of innocence and cynicism. Someone who genuinely likes people and wants to believe the best about them, even when she is constantly, unwillingly confronted with people's ugly sides. Someone who is, in short, as engaging to the audience as she is supposed to be to the other characters on the show. Also, someone who can pull all of this off without appearing completely idiotic most of the time.
I must admit, I have more trouble with Bill because I find his archetype inherently boring. Broody vampire who angsts over past misdeeds? It's not as interesting as you might think. (Really, if we could go ahead and get rid of "brooding" as the defining characteristic of our heroes and anti-heroes, I'd be tickled pink) I would take Spike over Angel any day. Lestat over Louis. But you know, at least Louis was played by Brad Pitt. Bill is no Brad Pitt. To say the least. Keeping that in mind...
What Bill should have been:
Played by someone like Christian Bale for one thing. Someone who is hot and mysterious, who can seem like a good guy, but it's entirely possible that he's a sociopath. Outwardly stoic, but in such away that you can catch glimpses of the seething turmoil underneath.
These things are important because they contribute to what you're presenting as the main pairing of the show, True Blood. As the main pairing, the Bill/Sookie dynamic is an important one.
Bill and Sookie's dynamic should have been:
Sookie's natural friendliness and curiosity overwhelming her common sense in an understandable way, fueled by Bill's opaqueness and predatory allure. Bill should remain something of a mystery to the audience. He should seem trustworthy, but you can't quite be sure. At the same time, the audience should feel like, "Well, you can't really blame her," with regard to Sookie's infatuation.
So, these are the basic guidelines you should have been following. Let's see how you did--
Sookie is:
Constantly somewhere between bitchy and fake and downright horrible, with a heavy does of stupidity coloring everything she does.
Bill is:
As compelling as a piece of soggy white bread lying in the gutter.
The Bill/Sookie dynamic is:
Akin to watching a mouth-breathing idiot pick up a piece of soggy white bread lying in the gutter and eat it. You are torn between, "OMG SO GROSS!" and "Why? Why would you pick that up and eat it?" Only Bill/Sookie is vastly less fascinating than that scenario.
Yeah, I know there's not much you can do about that now. But we can learn from our mistakes, right? Speaking of mistakes, let's talk about Maryann. Granted, this storyline has not played out entirely, but I feel pretty safe in commenting anyway.
What the Maryann storyline is:
Somehow both incredibly offensive and mind-numbingly boring at the same time. It is orgies and ancient gods and yet it's constantly in competition with Bill/Sookie for storylines that make you contemplate eating your face off as a viable entertainment alternative.
What the Maryann storyline should have been:
Shot down as soon as it was proposed. It is a waste of some of the most interesting characters you have. Was it two for one margaritas at the bar the night you came up with that? Feel shame for its existence.
Speaking of orgies, True Blood, what is up with all the creepy, gross sex scenes? What possible message are you trying to convey here? Since they comprise half of any given episode, I feel like there must be some larger point to it. Perhaps you think you are being edgy and shocking. If this is the case, let me disabuse you of such a notion. You're just being creepy and gross. Stop it.
Okay, that's all I have in my notes under things that are completely hopeless. Let's move on, shall we?
Needs Work:
While Bill and Sookie are a lost cause, you do have some characters who could be pretty awesome if you would quit dicking them over. (See: Maryann storyline)
Sam:
Sam is presented as a good, decent guy. We like those! However, he falls into the trap that is so often set for such characters: Just because he is a decent guy and right about something (Sookie being an idiot for getting involved with Bill) doesn't give him license to say it any way he pleases without looking like a dick. Every time I feel the need to defend Sookie against Sam, True Blood, my soul dies a little. That's a problem.
What Sam should be:
Old school!Luke Danes (Gilmore Girls)— Lovable curmudgeon.
What Sam sometimes is:
Rufus Humphrey (Gossip Girl)— Sanctimonious asshole.
Now, Gilmore Girls and Gossip Girl both abbreviate to GG, so I can see how you might get confused, True Blood. Please watch S1-S3 of Gilmore Girls and get back to me with an essay on where you went wrong. You need to do your research and work hard in the future to avoid the same mistakes.
Tara and Layfayette:
I'm combining these two, not because they don't each deserve their own section, but rather because I feel like the issues here are enough that you need to do some independent studies. Otherwise, you'll never learn. Whatever you might think, you are not subverting stereotypes.
Despite your best efforts, these two are pretty awesome. Please treat them with the respect they deserve and be aware of context. You are set in rural Louisiana. Context. I know that's asking a lot. I would say I have faith in you, but, well. Let's talk again after you've done some research. The saving grace here is that you did a much better job casting them than you did Bill and Sookie.
Are you crying, True Blood? Don't despair! It's not all doom and gloom. Here are some of the notes I made about the things that are really working for you:
I love you just as you are!
Jason:
Creepy sex scenes aside, Jason is wholly and entirely enjoyable. While he and Sookie seem to be in a constant dumb-off to see who can rack up the most idiot points at any given time, Jason does it with flair and a commitment that few others show in their stupidity. ♥
Jessica:
I love everything about her. She is one of the few characters that make Bill anywhere near watchable, if just for her tantrums of, "OMG I HATE YOU SO MUCH!! YOU ARE MADE OF FAIL BEYOND THE TELLING OF IT!!!" Yes, yes he is, Jessica. Thank you for giving voice to the audience's thoughts. Also, you're lovely.
Jessica/Hoyt:
Awesome like puppies and rainbows. Possibly to an OTP extent. Don't fuck this up, True Blood, or I will hunt you down.
Pam:
Fabulous and fierce. ILU, BB. Never change.
Eric:
I don't think we actually have time to list the ways in which Eric is made of WIN. Suffice it to say he is. As
jay_jay points out, his attitude re: Sookie seems to be a combination of, "I want a telepath of my own," and "Bill is lame. Therefore, thwarting Bill is mildly amusing." Also, I enjoy his almost perpetual state of, "Bitch, please." Eric, please continue to rock in every conceivable way.Now, I have a few endnotes that fall under the category of being a bummer, but conceivably justifiable.
Rene:
Honestly, he was well-played, True Blood. I loved him as much as you wanted me to and I actually booed the TV when I realized he was the bad guy. Though, I must say, even at his creepy creeper psycho killing worst, he was still more sympathetic and likable than either Bill or Sookie. I'm sorry to bring that up again, but you failed hard on that one. You're just going to have to take your lumps.
Godric:
I reserve judgment on the end of his storyline until I see how things play out. If you use his death as a launching point to make Eric even more awesome, then I'll forgive it. Well, that and some flashback Eric/Godric sex. Don't try and bullshit me, True Blood. With all of the skeevy sex scenes that I have had to endure over the past four days, you owe me some Eric/Godric sexytiems. It's the least you can do.
That's all I have for now. Why don't you go and think about what we've discussed and see if you can do better. You have potential, True Blood. His name is Eric.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go contemplate some angel porn.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-20 03:12 pm (UTC)If it makes you feel any better, Bill is as drippy and moronic and, well, creepy - but in that bad way - in the books as he is in the TV show.
I don't know why they didn't take this opportunity to correct all the things that are wrong with Bill. Because, as you have pointed out, there are many.
It makes me sad that Sookie in the TV show is nothing like Sookie in the books (or at least the ones I've read, which is about six). In the books the balance is got right - you can understand her fascination with Bill even while yelling at her that he's a bastard and boring and, frankly, no where near as cool as Eric.
The sheer amount of sex in the show is one of the things that kind of surprised me, which is stupid - vampires+HBO=sex, and lots of it. But, in the books, although you know a lot of it is going on, you don't read much about it because Sookie isn't that interested by it. So it's there, but not in your face.
I can see why they changed it, but I'm not filled with glee by it.
But, the one thing the books and TV show do get right is how freaking awesome Eric is. I'm still at a loss as to why Sookie isn't with him.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-30 05:01 pm (UTC)I don't know why they didn't take this opportunity to correct all the things that are wrong with Bill.
Yeah, I'm not sure fans of the books would be all, "WTF you made Bill awesome and interesting? NOT ON!!!"
The sex thing... I'm not opposed to it in theory, but it's just so yucky!! I don't see the point to it.
I'm still at a loss as to why Sookie isn't with him.
It makes me LOL that the show is trying to be all, "Sookie must be tricked into finding Eric hot!" WOT? ARE YOU FOR SRS SHOW? My suspension of disbelief doesn't stretch that far.