SPN Fic: Trying To Find Some, Somewhere
Aug. 3rd, 2009 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
errant_janeTomorrow after work I am flying home to visit my family in celebration of my Mom's birthday. I have yet to pack. What did I spend all afternoon doing? FML.
Title: Trying To Find Some, Somewhere
Genre: Slashy Crackfic, Humor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through S4
Warnings: Hints of Castiel/Dean, Sam/Lucifer
Summary: Dean doesn't know quite what he expected from the Apocalypse, but this sure as hell wasn’t it.
Notes: I'm pretty sure I get to blame![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fish_echo for this one. And I quote: Dean, your psyche is all messed up. Why don't you go turn into a kitten for a week, or a unicorn! (in response to this story) Sometimes I am RIDICULOUSLY SUSCEPTIBLE to the power of suggestion. JSYK!!
Other than that, I will say that I am completely spoiler-free for S5 and thus the part of Lucifer for our purposes will be played by The Welling. That is all.
Trying To Find Some, Somewhere
Dean doesn't know quite what he expected from the Apocalypse, but this sure as hell wasn’t it. So far it's been a whole lot of smack-talk and pettiness. Which is why he said, “I’m tired of this cat-and-mouse shit,” to Sam before he went to bed last night.
So when he wakes up fully covered by the sheet and blanket, he has a sinking feeling that he knows what’s happened before he hops up onto the bathroom counter to check in the mirror. The rain of toads he can handle. Hell, he's pretty sure at this point he'd be glad for a reign of toads. But this is really beyond the pale.
He sits there for awhile, studying his reflection. Short, sleek black fur and vivid green eyes, white whiskers that stand out in contrast to his fur. He brings his paw up in front of him, starts licking it automatically. At least he has claws. He stops once he realizes what he's doing and sighs. This is such bullshit.
There's one thing he knows for sure about this whole Apocalypse business—Lucifer's a dick.
***
As it turns out, Sam is also a dick. He laughs like he's never going to stop when Dean wakes him up and he realizes what’s happened. Fortunately, Dean remembers his claws and scratches the shit out of Sam’s chest. For funsies.
"Ow! Jesus, Dean!" Sam shoves him off and Dean lands in an undignified heap on the bed.
He sits up and starts grooming his paw automatically like he hasn't a care in the world. Judging by Sam's amusement, Dean figures that this is just the latest in Lucifer's courtship of Sam Winchester. As if Sam would throw Dean over for the Prince of Darkness.
"Okay, I'm sorry I laughed," Sam says. He doesn't sound sorry.
Dean turns his back on him and starts grooming the tip of his tail.
"I guess we should maybe talk to Cas?"
"You think?" Dean says. "Also, I'm hungry. Fetch me some tuna, bitch." Only it comes out, "Rrow? Rrow rrow rrow" and then a weird gurgling sound.
At least he has a manly meow.
"Yeah." Sam draws out the word. "You don't expect me to understand that, do you?"
Dean stands up and stretches, arching his back and flexing his claws as if to say, "I will claw your face off. Just try me." Perhaps overly dramatic, but Sam seems to get the point.
"We'll talk to Cas."
***
"Cas!" Dean jumps down off the bed as soon as Castiel appears. "Lucifer turned me into a cat."
"Yes, I see that." Castiel looks down at him and Dean realizes he's weaving in between Castiel's legs, rubbing against him as he goes.
"Uh. Sorry." Dean sits down and looks up. Castiel is very tall from this perspective. "Wait. Did you understand me? Am I talking?" He turns back to glare at Sam.
"I can understand you, yes. Your brother cannot."
"Fat lot of good you are," Dean meows at Sam. "I suppose it'd be too much to expect that your psychic powers would be useful in any way." He turns back to Castiel. "Tell him to go get me tuna while the grown-ups talk."
Castiel looks at Sam and says, "Your brother requests something to eat. Some fish, perhaps?"
"Yeah, okay." Sam goes in search of Dean's keys.
"And bottled water. Maybe some catnip. I'm curious," Dean adds when Castiel gives him a look.
"No," Castiel says instead of passing on the request.
Dean's tail twitches. "No?"
"Intoxicants would not help the situation."
"I happen to think that they would help the situation a great deal."
"No," Castiel says again.
From his spot at the door, keys in hand, Sam watches the argument with an amused look on his face. Admittedly, it must be slightly ridiculous to watch Castiel argue with a cat, but still. Dean kind of wants to puke in Sam's shoe, just on principle.
"Fine. Whatever. But chop chop. Kitty's hungry." Dean has the overwhelming urge to start rubbing against Castiel again, which he suspects is just due to the overwhelming relief he feels that someone is here who can understand him. It's still more than a little disconcerting. He feels twitchy, like he wants to jump on something. So he hops up onto the bed again.
"He requests water as well," Castiel says as Sam heads for the door. Once he's gone, Castiel tilts his head and looks down at him. "You would like to sit on my lap."
By the time Dean realizes that it's true, he has already started purring. "I really would," he admits.
Castiel obligingly sits down and Dean is crawling into his lap before he's fully seated. Curls up and wraps his tail around his body as Castiel starts petting his head. The purring gets louder. When he moves his hand to stroke down Dean's back, it sounds like a helicopter in Dean's head and he just. Can't. Stop.
He's pretty sure he'll be embarrassed about it later, but for now he's far too content and after a prolonged session of Castiel scratching under his chin, Dean settles his head down, unable to keep his eyes open.
"We shall wait for Sam to return to discuss our plans," Castiel says as he strokes Dean's fur.
If it's possible, Dean's purrs get louder yet.
***
Dean doesn't remember falling asleep, but he wakes up to the sound of the door closing and Sam saying, "I can come back later..." like the smartass he is.
"Please tell Sam to kindly suck it," Dean says to Castiel as he stands and stretches.
"That will not be necessary," Castiel says instead.
Sam looks at Dean and laughs. "Yeah, that's not what he said." He throws a bag on the table and starts pulling out cans. "I got tuna and salmon. And Ty Nant, your majesty."
Dean hops up onto the table and studies the cans. He bends down and delicately licks the lid of one and then looks up at Sam expectantly.
"Aw, shit. I didn't get a can-opener."
Before the actual bickering can start, Castiel steps up and touches the lid of the tuna can, making it disappear.
"Neat trick," Dean says. Then he starts eating because it smells really good.
Castiel is petting him again and while it should be annoying, Dean finds himself arching into the touch. He also discovers that he can purr and eat at the same time.
It's a day of revelations.
***
"We must go to L.A.," Castiel says. "It is where Lucifer is staying."
Sam raises his eyebrows. "L.A.? Isn't that a little, I dunno. Cliché?"
"I'm sure he appreciates the irony," Dean says.
"No, Sam's right. He thinks it's a passé." Castiel says. "It just has the most potential converts. He enjoys the hipsters."
Dean didn't realize that Castiel knew what a hipster was. "So, we're just gonna waltz into Lucifer's lair and demand that he change me back?"
"Yes."
As far as plans went, it was pretty straight forward.
"I suspect that you are correct, Dean, in thinking that this is an overture toward Sam."
"Wait, what?" Sam looks confused. "Lucifer is hitting on my by turning Dean into a cat?"
"He has an odd sense of humor."
"Also, he's a dick," Dean feels the need to add.
"There is that," Castiel agrees.
***
They don't so much waltz into Lucifer's lair (which happens to be in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland) as beam in via Castiel's angel mojo. Castiel with Dean in his arms and Sam beside them looking more annoyed than anything else.
Lucifer takes one look at them and starts laughing. Hard.
"Castiel," he says when he can talk again. "You're not supposed to feed the strays. You'll never get rid of them." Then he starts laughing again.
Sam's lips twitch like he's trying not to join in the hilarity.
"I fucking hate you all," Dean says. His tail is swishing back and forth in agitation.
Then Castiel rubs under his chin and Dean momentarily forgets his annoyance in favor of stretching his neck for more scratches.
"You look like Dr. Evil." Lucifer cocks his head and smiles. "You know, Dean, I bet Castiel would still pet you like that as a human."
"Oh, come on!" Sam groans and covers his eyes. "Could we please not go there? God! I'm gonna be bleaching my brain for a week."
Dean ignores Sam's outburst in favor of looking up at Castiel.
Castiel looks at him for a moment, then looks away. "He is not wrong."
Oh, Dean thinks.
"Christ," Sam says.
Lucifer is clutching his sides as he laughs. After what seems like forever, he calms down enough to slide up next to Sam, tilt his head and cast him a coy look from under his bangs. "How's things, Sam?"
Sam blushes and honest-to-god scuffs his toe on the ground as he says, "Alright."
If he had a ponytail, he'd be twirling it.
"Do you think that maybe you could turn me back into a person before you start seducing my little brother over to the dark side?" Dean asks.
"Whatever." Lucifer waves a hand in their direction. He has backed Sam up against a rock pillar thing and is leaning in, his other hand braced by Sam's head.
Dean suddenly finds himself a) human, b) nude and c) still in Castiel's arms.
Awkward.
"Can I be blind now?" Sam asks.
"Um, can I just..." Dean says and Castiel sets him down. Offers him his coat, because he's a gentlemen. "Thanks."
"I can't look. I might never stop laughing," Lucifer stage-whispers. "Is it as hilarious as I think it is?"
"Yeah, well, fun as this has been. C'mon, Sammy. Time to go." Dean says this with as much authority as he can muster while dressed like a flasher.
"Uh, yeah. You guys go ahead." Sam is biting his lip against laughter as Lucifer whispers in his ear. "I'll catch up with you."
Dean is pretty sure he hears Lucifer say "hipsters".
On the one hand, Dean can't really leave his baby brother in the thrall of the Prince of Darkness. On the other hand, "Fuck this noise. Let's go, Cas."
***
They get back to the motel and things go from awkward to, well, more awkward.
"So, uh," Dean says brilliantly.
Castiel tilts his head and studies Dean. Then he says, "You still want to sit in my lap."
Dean sighs. "God help me, I really do."
Title: Trying To Find Some, Somewhere
Genre: Slashy Crackfic, Humor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through S4
Warnings: Hints of Castiel/Dean, Sam/Lucifer
Summary: Dean doesn't know quite what he expected from the Apocalypse, but this sure as hell wasn’t it.
Notes: I'm pretty sure I get to blame
fish_echo for this one. And I quote: Dean, your psyche is all messed up. Why don't you go turn into a kitten for a week, or a unicorn! (in response to this story) Sometimes I am RIDICULOUSLY SUSCEPTIBLE to the power of suggestion. JSYK!!Other than that, I will say that I am completely spoiler-free for S5 and thus the part of Lucifer for our purposes will be played by The Welling. That is all.
Trying To Find Some, Somewhere
Dean doesn't know quite what he expected from the Apocalypse, but this sure as hell wasn’t it. So far it's been a whole lot of smack-talk and pettiness. Which is why he said, “I’m tired of this cat-and-mouse shit,” to Sam before he went to bed last night.
So when he wakes up fully covered by the sheet and blanket, he has a sinking feeling that he knows what’s happened before he hops up onto the bathroom counter to check in the mirror. The rain of toads he can handle. Hell, he's pretty sure at this point he'd be glad for a reign of toads. But this is really beyond the pale.
He sits there for awhile, studying his reflection. Short, sleek black fur and vivid green eyes, white whiskers that stand out in contrast to his fur. He brings his paw up in front of him, starts licking it automatically. At least he has claws. He stops once he realizes what he's doing and sighs. This is such bullshit.
There's one thing he knows for sure about this whole Apocalypse business—Lucifer's a dick.
***
As it turns out, Sam is also a dick. He laughs like he's never going to stop when Dean wakes him up and he realizes what’s happened. Fortunately, Dean remembers his claws and scratches the shit out of Sam’s chest. For funsies.
"Ow! Jesus, Dean!" Sam shoves him off and Dean lands in an undignified heap on the bed.
He sits up and starts grooming his paw automatically like he hasn't a care in the world. Judging by Sam's amusement, Dean figures that this is just the latest in Lucifer's courtship of Sam Winchester. As if Sam would throw Dean over for the Prince of Darkness.
"Okay, I'm sorry I laughed," Sam says. He doesn't sound sorry.
Dean turns his back on him and starts grooming the tip of his tail.
"I guess we should maybe talk to Cas?"
"You think?" Dean says. "Also, I'm hungry. Fetch me some tuna, bitch." Only it comes out, "Rrow? Rrow rrow rrow" and then a weird gurgling sound.
At least he has a manly meow.
"Yeah." Sam draws out the word. "You don't expect me to understand that, do you?"
Dean stands up and stretches, arching his back and flexing his claws as if to say, "I will claw your face off. Just try me." Perhaps overly dramatic, but Sam seems to get the point.
"We'll talk to Cas."
***
"Cas!" Dean jumps down off the bed as soon as Castiel appears. "Lucifer turned me into a cat."
"Yes, I see that." Castiel looks down at him and Dean realizes he's weaving in between Castiel's legs, rubbing against him as he goes.
"Uh. Sorry." Dean sits down and looks up. Castiel is very tall from this perspective. "Wait. Did you understand me? Am I talking?" He turns back to glare at Sam.
"I can understand you, yes. Your brother cannot."
"Fat lot of good you are," Dean meows at Sam. "I suppose it'd be too much to expect that your psychic powers would be useful in any way." He turns back to Castiel. "Tell him to go get me tuna while the grown-ups talk."
Castiel looks at Sam and says, "Your brother requests something to eat. Some fish, perhaps?"
"Yeah, okay." Sam goes in search of Dean's keys.
"And bottled water. Maybe some catnip. I'm curious," Dean adds when Castiel gives him a look.
"No," Castiel says instead of passing on the request.
Dean's tail twitches. "No?"
"Intoxicants would not help the situation."
"I happen to think that they would help the situation a great deal."
"No," Castiel says again.
From his spot at the door, keys in hand, Sam watches the argument with an amused look on his face. Admittedly, it must be slightly ridiculous to watch Castiel argue with a cat, but still. Dean kind of wants to puke in Sam's shoe, just on principle.
"Fine. Whatever. But chop chop. Kitty's hungry." Dean has the overwhelming urge to start rubbing against Castiel again, which he suspects is just due to the overwhelming relief he feels that someone is here who can understand him. It's still more than a little disconcerting. He feels twitchy, like he wants to jump on something. So he hops up onto the bed again.
"He requests water as well," Castiel says as Sam heads for the door. Once he's gone, Castiel tilts his head and looks down at him. "You would like to sit on my lap."
By the time Dean realizes that it's true, he has already started purring. "I really would," he admits.
Castiel obligingly sits down and Dean is crawling into his lap before he's fully seated. Curls up and wraps his tail around his body as Castiel starts petting his head. The purring gets louder. When he moves his hand to stroke down Dean's back, it sounds like a helicopter in Dean's head and he just. Can't. Stop.
He's pretty sure he'll be embarrassed about it later, but for now he's far too content and after a prolonged session of Castiel scratching under his chin, Dean settles his head down, unable to keep his eyes open.
"We shall wait for Sam to return to discuss our plans," Castiel says as he strokes Dean's fur.
If it's possible, Dean's purrs get louder yet.
***
Dean doesn't remember falling asleep, but he wakes up to the sound of the door closing and Sam saying, "I can come back later..." like the smartass he is.
"Please tell Sam to kindly suck it," Dean says to Castiel as he stands and stretches.
"That will not be necessary," Castiel says instead.
Sam looks at Dean and laughs. "Yeah, that's not what he said." He throws a bag on the table and starts pulling out cans. "I got tuna and salmon. And Ty Nant, your majesty."
Dean hops up onto the table and studies the cans. He bends down and delicately licks the lid of one and then looks up at Sam expectantly.
"Aw, shit. I didn't get a can-opener."
Before the actual bickering can start, Castiel steps up and touches the lid of the tuna can, making it disappear.
"Neat trick," Dean says. Then he starts eating because it smells really good.
Castiel is petting him again and while it should be annoying, Dean finds himself arching into the touch. He also discovers that he can purr and eat at the same time.
It's a day of revelations.
***
"We must go to L.A.," Castiel says. "It is where Lucifer is staying."
Sam raises his eyebrows. "L.A.? Isn't that a little, I dunno. Cliché?"
"I'm sure he appreciates the irony," Dean says.
"No, Sam's right. He thinks it's a passé." Castiel says. "It just has the most potential converts. He enjoys the hipsters."
Dean didn't realize that Castiel knew what a hipster was. "So, we're just gonna waltz into Lucifer's lair and demand that he change me back?"
"Yes."
As far as plans went, it was pretty straight forward.
"I suspect that you are correct, Dean, in thinking that this is an overture toward Sam."
"Wait, what?" Sam looks confused. "Lucifer is hitting on my by turning Dean into a cat?"
"He has an odd sense of humor."
"Also, he's a dick," Dean feels the need to add.
"There is that," Castiel agrees.
***
They don't so much waltz into Lucifer's lair (which happens to be in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland) as beam in via Castiel's angel mojo. Castiel with Dean in his arms and Sam beside them looking more annoyed than anything else.
Lucifer takes one look at them and starts laughing. Hard.
"Castiel," he says when he can talk again. "You're not supposed to feed the strays. You'll never get rid of them." Then he starts laughing again.
Sam's lips twitch like he's trying not to join in the hilarity.
"I fucking hate you all," Dean says. His tail is swishing back and forth in agitation.
Then Castiel rubs under his chin and Dean momentarily forgets his annoyance in favor of stretching his neck for more scratches.
"You look like Dr. Evil." Lucifer cocks his head and smiles. "You know, Dean, I bet Castiel would still pet you like that as a human."
"Oh, come on!" Sam groans and covers his eyes. "Could we please not go there? God! I'm gonna be bleaching my brain for a week."
Dean ignores Sam's outburst in favor of looking up at Castiel.
Castiel looks at him for a moment, then looks away. "He is not wrong."
Oh, Dean thinks.
"Christ," Sam says.
Lucifer is clutching his sides as he laughs. After what seems like forever, he calms down enough to slide up next to Sam, tilt his head and cast him a coy look from under his bangs. "How's things, Sam?"
Sam blushes and honest-to-god scuffs his toe on the ground as he says, "Alright."
If he had a ponytail, he'd be twirling it.
"Do you think that maybe you could turn me back into a person before you start seducing my little brother over to the dark side?" Dean asks.
"Whatever." Lucifer waves a hand in their direction. He has backed Sam up against a rock pillar thing and is leaning in, his other hand braced by Sam's head.
Dean suddenly finds himself a) human, b) nude and c) still in Castiel's arms.
Awkward.
"Can I be blind now?" Sam asks.
"Um, can I just..." Dean says and Castiel sets him down. Offers him his coat, because he's a gentlemen. "Thanks."
"I can't look. I might never stop laughing," Lucifer stage-whispers. "Is it as hilarious as I think it is?"
"Yeah, well, fun as this has been. C'mon, Sammy. Time to go." Dean says this with as much authority as he can muster while dressed like a flasher.
"Uh, yeah. You guys go ahead." Sam is biting his lip against laughter as Lucifer whispers in his ear. "I'll catch up with you."
Dean is pretty sure he hears Lucifer say "hipsters".
On the one hand, Dean can't really leave his baby brother in the thrall of the Prince of Darkness. On the other hand, "Fuck this noise. Let's go, Cas."
***
They get back to the motel and things go from awkward to, well, more awkward.
"So, uh," Dean says brilliantly.
Castiel tilts his head and studies Dean. Then he says, "You still want to sit in my lap."
Dean sighs. "God help me, I really do."
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Date: 2009-08-12 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-08-14 03:49 am (UTC)