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Austin was an awesome idea, Jensen thinks. He claps Jared on the shoulder. "Austin was an awesome idea!" He has to lean in close to be heard over the din. There's a crush of people all around them and between their conversations and the music, Jensen has been shouting all night.
"Yeah, you mentioned that." Jared looks amused, which makes Jensen happy. He likes amusing Jared.
Judging from the number of guys making out with each other, they've ended up at a gay bar, though it wasn't intentional. There are a lot of people and they just sort of went with the flow. Jensen has had many whiskey drinks so far and very few of them has he paid for.
"What time is it?" Jensen asks. "I have to piss."
"Two minutes." Jared holds up his phone so that Jensen can read the display.
Jensen supposes he can wait two minutes and then pee, but it feels like a lot longer than that until people began counting down. He stays pressed up against Jared because they've already gotten separated twice. At midnight, he turns to face Jared and shouts, "Happy New Year!" But he can't even hear his own voice over the noise, so he tugs on Jared's shirt until he's leaning down far enough for Jensen to kiss him.
It's a friendly peck, just a brush of their lips. When Jensen leans back, Jared is smiling, so Jensen kisses him again, another easy brush. Then Jensen grabs the back of Jared's neck and the next few kisses are increasingly less platonic, wet and open-mouthed and Jensen pulls away from the last one sucking on Jared's bottom lip a little. It's just enough to convince him that this is a really good idea, but when he goes back in, Jared stops him.
"How drunk are you right now?" Jared yells in his ear.
"Uh..." Jensen holds his hand out flat and tilts it back and forth. "Fair to middling?" At Jared's skeptical look, he changes his answer to, "I haven't blacked out yet."
Jared nods and says, "Don't you have to pee?"
"Shit! Yes!" As soon as Jared says that, Jensen is reminded that it is really an immediate necessity. "I'll be back!" Jensen worms his way through the crowd to the bathroom. Surprisingly, there are only two other guys in there. The noise level is cut in half as the door swings shut and Jensen blinks, a little dazed by the relative silence. The guys leave together while Jensen pisses and it feels kind of nice to be away from people altogether, even if it's just for a moment.
As Jensen is washing his hands, a girl slips into the bathroom. A tiny brunette, cute as a button and there is not a chance that she's old enough to be in a bar.
"Men's room," Jensen tells her.
"There's a line for the women's." She looks at the urinals, at the stall that has no door and back at Jensen. "Stand guard for me and I'll share my champagne with you."
"Sure." Jensen stands in front of the stall, his back to her, and holds her purse as she pees. She must be carrying bricks or something, because her bag weighs a ton. After she's done washing her hands, she grabs the purse from him and pulls out a bottle of champagne and passes it over.
"Really?" Jensen laughs and undoes the top, managing to remove the cork without incident. He gives it back to her so she can have the first sip. She takes a swig and then sets the bottle down in front of him and starts digging around in her purse again.
"Ha!" She holds up a tube of red lip gloss triumphantly.
Jensen takes a long drink of champagne as she reapplies, snorting as the bubbles tickle up his nose.
"You're officially my hero for the night." She presses her lips together and drops the tube back in her bag. Then she grabs Jensen's shirt and kisses him, slick and hard. Jensen opens his mouth when she licks at his lips and she tastes like champagne and artificial cherries. "So, you're like really drunk or really gay, right?" she asks when she pulls back.
"Both!" Jensen smiles brightly and takes another drink.
She nods, seems to consider it and then dismiss it in favor of kissing him again. Jensen sets the champagne down blindly and wraps his hands around her waist. She's so tiny he can nearly get his fingers to touch. He picks her up and sets her on the counter so that he doesn't have to bend down so far and lets her kiss him all she wants.
It's pleasant, like a massage or sitting in the hot tub. She's a good kisser and evidently just wants someone to make out with and Jensen can sympathize with that. So he kisses her and pets her hair and only pulls back when the bathroom door swings open and someone says, "Move it out to the bar."
Jensen grabs the champagne and jerks his head toward the door as she hops down off the counter.
"That was wet," she says. "The counter. And now my ass."
"Sorry." Jensen opens the door and lets her go out first.
"So you're like the gayest of the gays," she shouts as they walk back into the crowd. "Because any straight guy would have had my panties off in there."
He can't tell if she's disappointed or not, so he just gives her an apologetic shrug.
"Where the fuck have you been?" They've suddenly been joined by two other girls who are looking rather irritated with Jensen's companion.
"Bathroom! This is..." She looks at Jensen with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, uh. Jensen." He grins sheepishly at the girls as they glare at him.
"Jensen!" She claps her hands. "He is very very gay!"
"Yeah, okay," one of the girls says and grabs her friends arm. "Say goodbye now."
"Goodbye, Jensen! You're a good kisser!"
Jensen waves as she's pulled off into the crowd. He looks around the room and realizes he has no idea where he left Jared, so he decides to stay put until Jared comes to find him. Except he should probably have a drink. He's about to go order one when he realizes he's still holding a full bottle of champagne. "Happy New Year," he says to nobody in particular.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Jared is suddenly looming over Jensen and he does not look happy.
"Here!" Jensen isn't sure what the problem is, because Jared knew he was going to the bathroom. Except that somehow he isn't by the bathroom anymore. Huh. "I've been talking to—" He gestures at the guy in front of him. Dan, Dave, Derrick, Damon?
"Jeff," the guy says and Jensen laughs. Apparently they haven't gotten around to exchanging names yet, because he's pretty sure he would have remembered that one. He goes to take another drink and frowns when he realizes his champagne is gone.
"Where did you get that?" Jared gestures to the bottle, looking confused.
"There was a girl in the bathroom," Jensen explains. "And Jeff, here. Jeff is a musician."
"A songwriter," Jeff says.
"Jeff is the best songwriter we will ever meet," Jensen says, because he's pretty sure that's what Jeff had told him. The best songwriter around today or something.
Jared gives Jeff a distracted nod and then turns back to Jensen. "How much of that did you drink?"
"Um." It takes Jensen a second to realize he's back to the champagne again. "Well." He squints at the bottle and shakes it. "It was full when I opened it..."
"Jesus. Okay, we should go back to the motel now."
Jensen frowns, because Jared looks mad and he's not sure he's ever actually seen Jared mad. Before he can ask about that, Jeff clears his throat.
"I have some beer back at my place," he says to Jensen. "We could go watch a movie or something."
Oh, Jensen thinks. Beer! But Jared's expression looks disapproving and Jensen shakes his head slowly, still looking at Jared. "I think that means no?" he asks, wondering if he's interpreting that right. "No, I have to go with him," he tells Jeff.
"You sure?" Jeff asks.
"Sorry," Jared says before Jensen can answer. "I'm gonna have to play the sober best friend card here." He grabs Jensen's shoulder and Jensen beams up at him because Jared totally just called him his best friend.
"Can I get your number?"
"We're not local," Jared says and gives Jensen a firm push toward the door.
It's as crowded outside as it was in the bar, but the fresh air is nice. Jared grabs the bottle from Jensen's hand and tosses it in a nearby trash can. They have to walk past where the street is blocked off before they can get a cab and Jensen grabs Jared's hand so they don't get separated again.
Halfway to the barricade Jensen turns to Jared and frowns. "I think you cock-blocked me back there."
Jared smirks. "You'll thank me tomorrow if you remember that guy."
Jensen nods and tries to lean his head against Jared's shoulder as they walk, but it doesn't really work so he sighs and gives up. He's really tired now and he doesn't want to walk anymore.
Eventually the crowd thins out and Jared finds a cab for them. Jensen curls up against Jared the best he can in the backseat and smiles when he realizes they're still holding hands. "I didn't mean to get this drunk," he admits. His head is spinning and now that they're not walking, he feels pretty gross. "I think the champagne was a bad idea."
"I think you're probably right on that one." Jared pulls their joined hands onto his lap and traces over the seams of their fingers. "You have lipstick all over your face."
"Oh." Jensen wipes his mouth with the back of his free hand and grimaces. "I think I made out with some girl in the bathroom?"
Jared doesn't respond to that except to let go of Jensen's hand. Jensen pulls it back into his own lap and manages to sit up straight.
"Sorry I'm kind of a fuck-up," he says to the window.
"Don't worry about it, man." Jared pats his shoulder awkwardly and sighs. "We all have our nights."
"Come on, Jensen. Just three more minutes of consciousness. That's all I'm asking."
Jensen blinks blearily at Jared as he tries to open the door to their room. Then he realizes Jared is also holding him up. "I'm good," he says, and moves to slump against the wall.
Jared finally gets the key to work and he grabs Jensen's arm to help him into the room.
"I can walk." Jensen's pretty sure that's just bravado talking at this point, but he manages to make it to the bed before he trips and falls face-first onto the mattress. He makes a noise of protest as he feels Jared tug off his boots, but Jared doesn't stop until they're both off.
"You're on your own from there," Jared tells him.
"M'good." Jensen rolls over onto his back and gets his jeans undone and shoved halfway down his thighs. The room is spinning unpleasantly from this angle and he kicks his jeans the rest of the way off as he unbuttons his shirt. He's down to his t-shirt and boxers by the time Jared is done brushing his teeth and is trying to figure out how to get under the covers without getting off the bed. "Too hot anyway," he says, giving up entirely.
"Here." Jared sets a glass of water on the night table between their beds.
"Thanks." Jensen rolls onto his side and stares down the water. He knows he should drink it, but his stomach recoils at the thought.
"Night, Jen." Jared gets into his bed and shuts off the light.
Jensen blinks against the sudden darkness, dizzy and unhappy at the tone of Jared's voice. "Hey, Jared?" he starts, but his stomach lurches suddenly and Jensen scrambles from the bed, hitting his leg twice on the frame before making it to the bathroom.
The copious amount of alcohol he drank seems to be trying to come up all at once and Jensen heaves so hard that he actually gags himself with his retching. When he's done, he flushes the toilet with a shaky hand and leans his forehead against the seat, wondering idly how good the cleaning service in this place is.
"You alright?" Jensen only starts a little at the sound of Jared's voice. He's too tired to do more.
"Peachy," he says miserably.
There's the sound of the faucet running and then a minute later, Jared is in the bathroom with him, stepping around him to sit on the edge of the tub. He sets a cool, damp washcloth on the back of Jensen's neck and then starts rubbing his back in small, comforting circles.
"Sorry," he mutters. "Sorry, sorry, God, I'm sorry." He's prevented from apologizing more by another bout of puking. When he's done, he wipes the tears from his face and laughs as Jared flushes for him. "Awesome New Year's, huh?"
"It had its moments." Jared is still rubbing his back and it's far more than Jensen deserves.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get this drunk."
"I know, man. It's cool." Jared makes a soft amused sound. "I think the champagne was a bad idea."
"God, don't remind me." Jensen groans and takes several deep breaths through his mouth as his stomach rolls, but he doesn't start throwing up again. "You can go to bed. I'm just gonna, y'know. Curl up here and die."
Jared's hand stills for a moment, then he says, "Nah, I'm good. I bet Jeff is sorry he's missing this, though."
"What?" Jensen jerks his head up at that, looking over at Jared, but the lights are still out and he can only vaguely make out Jared's shape.
"That guy you were talking to. The world's greatest songwriter or whatever."
"Right. That guy," Jensen says and promptly throws up one more time. He's pretty sure his stomach is empty by now, but he decides to stay there on the floor for a while longer, just in case. "Thank you," he says to Jared.
"For what?"
"Takin' care of me." Jensen turns his head so that he's not talking into the toilet and continues. "It's, uh. It's been a long time since I've had someone do that. Since someone cared enough to try."
"I see we've reached the morose part of the evening," Jared says teasingly.
Jensen snorts. "Yeah, maybe. Doesn't make it less true."
Jared stops rubbing Jensen's back and reaches out to pet his head, stroking his fingers down over the short hairs at the back and then up again. It's nice. "You take care of me too, you know."
"Yeah?" Jensen tries to think about it, but that just makes his head hurt.
"Yeah," Jared says.
"Oh."
Suddenly Jensen is unbelievably tired and he yawns so wide his jaw pops. Jared runs his thumb over the back of Jensen's neck one more time and then stands, grabbing the washcloth as he goes. He has Jensen's toothbrush ready for him by the time Jensen manages to stand and Jensen takes it gratefully, brushing the sour taste out of his mouth as best he can.
Jared has the blankets of his bed pulled back for him, which is nice because Jensen is freezing now. He crawls under them and smiles when Jared pulls them up to cover him.
"Thanks," he says around another yawn.
"Happy New Year, Jensen," Jared says as he crawls into his own bed.
"Yeah." Jensen laughs a little at that. "Yeah, you too."
Jensen wakes up with a pounding headache behind his eyes and the deep, intense, very sincere desire to simply die then and there. The universe does not see fit to grant him this small favor, however, and his headache seems to get worse as he lays there breathing.
He eventually musters up the strength to open his eyes and regrets it immediately. Light is too much and he left his contacts in last night, which means that they're now dry and glued to his eyeballs.
"How you feelin' there, rock star?" The question comes from somewhere behind him, but Jensen can't be bothered to turn and look. The good news is, it's Jared's voice.
"How—" Jensen stops and smacks his lips together. He spots the glass of water on the night stand and takes a sip. It's stale, but at least his tongue doesn't quite feel like a dead, dried-up thing in his mouth anymore. "How much do I have to apologize for?"
Jared comes around to the other side of the bed to stand in front of Jensen, which put Jensen at eye level with his crotch. He closes his eyes again.
"How much do you remember?"
"It's spotty," Jensen admits. He's really not sure if the part where he made out with a girl actually happened or if it was part of the bizarre dream he had. He's fairly certain he didn't get up on the bar and dance. Not his style.
"Don't worry about it," Jared says eventually. "You just had an ill-advised bottle of champagne and had to be tucked in."
"Don't remind me." Jensen squeezes his eyes shut tighter against the thought of champagne and groans. "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
Jensen snorts and then immediately regrets it. "I'm sure I did at least six things that I should be sorry about and you're being too nice to tell me. New Year's Eve isn't always my best holiday."
"Now you tell me." Jared sounds tolerantly amused. "You apologized last night while you were throwing up."
"So that happened."
"Yep."
"Sorry," Jensen says again.
"I'm sure you'll find some way to make it up to me at some point." Jared claps him on the shoulder and shakes him, making Jensen groan. "In the meantime, I think your drive back to Richardson will be punishment enough."
"Too mean."
"Come on. We'll hit the Waffle House first."
It's the best offer Jensen is going to get and way better than he likely deserves.
Jensen hates February. It's dark and gloomy and miserable, and who actually likes Valentine's Day, anyway? Single people are depressed that they're single and couples feel the need to celebrate out of some smug satisfaction that they are not single. Not that Jensen gives a shit about being single, but the heteronormative commercialized romantic bullshit irritates him anyway. Especially since it starts right after Christmas.
The Friday before Valentine's Day, Jensen decides that he wants to do something anti-romance. Get some really garlicky takeout food and watch war movies or something. He goes up to Jared's room to see if he's in, taking the stairs two at a time. "Hey, Jared, do you want to—" he stops short when he gets to the open bedroom door and looks inside.
Jared is wearing a chocolate brown v-neck sweater and a nice pair of dark wash jeans, and pulling on a pair of lace-up boots. It's weird and surprising. Jensen's never seen Jared look this nice. He wasn't even aware that Jared had decent clothes.
"Do I want to what?" Jared asks, looking up from tying his boots.
"Eat garlic and watch people get blown up." Jensen gestures to him. "What's with this? Hot date?"
"Uh." Jared sits up and smoothes his hand over his jaw, like he's trying to judge whether or not he needs to shave. "Sort of?"
"Oh." Jensen stares at him and Jared stares back, long enough that it gets a little weird. "Well, are you going to tell me about it, or is this like a twenty questions thing?"
"Oh. Um, yeah." Jared tilts his head and scrunches his nose. "Promise you won't give me shit about this?"
Jensen shakes his head. "Absolutely not, man. You know I won't make that sort of blanket promise."
"Right, okay. Well, there's this guy who was in one of my classes last quarter. So, he came to see me during my office hours."
"Wait." Jensen holds up his hand. "He was in one of your classes like one of the classes you TA for?" Jared nods. "Okay, continue."
"He asked me out. And I said yes. I mean, I figure, if nothing else, the kid has a pair, right?" Jared huffs out a breath as he stands and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know, does it make me a creep?"
"Is there a possibility that you'll be his TA again?" Jensen asks.
"No."
"Then go for it." Jensen shrugs and tries not to look as irritated as he feels by this news. "He's hot, right?"
"Uh, I noticed him in class," Jared says with a grin. "He's also smart. His papers were always good and remarkably free of typos. Like maybe he actually edited them before he handed them it."
Jensen smirks. "He was probably trying to impress his hot TA with his intellect."
"Well, if that was the case..." Jared trails off as he grabs his jacket and pats his pockets down to make sure he has everything. He pats Jensen's cheek as walks by him out the door and says, "It worked."
After Jared's gone, Jensen briefly considers his original plans for the evening and realizes that he'd much rather go out. So he changes into a black fitted shirt, considers shaving and then realizes he doesn't really care and heads out into the cold, wet night.
It's after two when Jensen stumbles home. He figures Jared's already in bed, so he tries to be quiet as he enters the house. Overall, he's ended up in the plus column for the night. He danced and drank quite a bit and got blown in the back of some guy's car. He reciprocated with a hand job and managed not to get any jizz on his clothes, so, yeah. All in all, it was a decent night. Now he wants a quesadilla.
He goes into the kitchen and pulls out the big pan, wincing as the other pans clank against each other as they shift. "Shh," he tells them as he sets the pan on the stove.
Luckily, there are tortillas in the fridge and pre-sliced cheese, which is about all that Jensen can manage at the moment. He pulls out the jar of salsa as well. Just as he's about to turn on the stove, the front door opens and Jensen starts, knocking the pan off the burner with a loud rattling sound.
"Jensen?" Jared calls out.
"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!"
Jared walks into the kitchen, eying him warily. "Sorry."
"I thought you were in bed," Jensen explains.
"Uh, no. I just got back." Jared walks over to the stove and elbows Jensen out of the way. "You went out?"
"Yeah. I can do that." Jensen crosses his arms and watches Jared start to assemble the quesadillas.
"This is weak. Get the microwave bacon out of the fridge," Jared says.
Jensen does as he's told and waits until he has his food before trying to engage in conversation again. "How was your date?" he asks as Jared pours them glasses of water from the Brita.
"Good. Really good." Jared smiles this sweet, sort of bashful little smile that makes Jensen frown, not that Jared is paying him any attention. "We had fun."
"Awesome. That's awesome." Jensen takes a bite of his food and thinks about that. "So, you're gonna go out with him again?"
"Yeah." Jared nods and continues to smile. “Yeah, definitely."
"Good. I'm glad." If Jensen doesn't entirely mean that, he at least wants to, which has to count for something.
Jared doesn't ask Jensen about his night and Jensen is drunk enough that he can't decide whether or not he's happy about that.
On the third Friday in a row that Jared goes out with Brock, Jensen goes over to Clare and Misha's to watch a movie. He'd been planning on going out, but he changed his mind at the last minute, calling his friends and feeling a little pathetic about it. Misha's out of town as it turns out, so it's just him and Clare.
"So Jared's seeing this guy. 'Brock'," Jensen says as they're waiting for the popcorn to pop. He's not entirely sure why he does the airquotes. It's not like Brock is a pseudonym or anything.
"And you miss him?" Clare asks with a teasing smile.
Jensen grabs a beer out of the fridge and opens it, taking a long drink before answering her. "I'm jealous as hell," he admits. "I know it makes me a dick, but I'm used to having him around. I don't like not being able to hang out with him when I want to."
Clare studies him for a moment. "You're not being a dick to him about it, though."
"No."
"You're just here being all petulant and whiney to me?"
"Yeah, and thanks for that."
"Sorry." Clare leans up and kisses his cheek. "You're a good boy, Jensen. The honeymoon phase will pass and you guys will hang out again. Aren't you doing anything for your birthday next week?"
Jensen shakes his head. "I was going to ask, but he said something about him and Brock going to some show or whatever."
"Does he know it's your birthday?"
"Not sure. I don't want him to cancel his date for me, though." Jensen looks down at his beer and frowns.
"Aw, baby! Aren't you just the saddest thing ever," Clare says, petting his cheek.
"Shut up." Jensen knocks her hand away, smiling a little. "Let me wallow and be pathetic, would you?"
"I wouldn't dare try and smother such inspired angst." She pulls the popcorn out of the microwave and shakes the bag. "Of course, the obvious solution would be for you to date him yourself."
All of Jensen's usual protests spring to his mouth, but Clare's watching him carefully and he can't seem to deliver them with the dismissive irritation he usually feels at that. "He's my friend, Clare. I just miss my friend."
"Okay," she says and lets it drop at that.
The movie is over by ten and, despite Clare's offer to hang out and talk, Jensen decides to go home and go to bed. He's been really tired all week. He takes out his contacts and brushes his teeth.
Jared's bedroom door is ajar and the room is dark and empty as Jensen walks by it. He wonders if he could possibly be more of a morose twelve year-old at the moment. It probably has more to do with the fact that he's tired than anything else.
He falls asleep almost immediately only to be awoken what seems like minutes later. When he checks the clock, he sees that it's almost midnight and has no idea what woke him up. He rolls onto his side and closes his eyes again when he hears it. A long, low moan coming from the next room.
You've got to be kidding me, Jensen thinks. Now that he's listening for it, he can hear it all. The steady stream of sex noises, moans and grunts and the occasional knocking of the headboard against the wall.
Jensen lived with Misha and Clare long enough, and it's not like Sophia never brought guys home. At least until she started dating Chad and Jensen banned them having sex in the house when he was in the house. But it seems weird to him that it's Jared in there, making some guy moan and whine and beg. They're clearly not even trying to be quiet about it.
He fumbles in the drawer of his nightstand and manages to find the earplugs he had leftover from Sophia's single days. They're kind of gross, but it's better than the alternative, so he twists them up and shoves them in his ears. Unfortunately, he heard enough that it's still echoing in his head.
How is this my life? he wonders, flinging his arm over his eyes. Eventually he manages to get back to sleep, but it's restless and full of weird dreams.
It's still early when Jensen wakes up with a full bladder, a throbbing head, and an old, sticky earplug squished against his cheek. Jensen already hates the day. He rolls out of bed and doesn't bother with a shirt as he walks out of his room. His intention is to piss and take some Benadryl and sleep for about eight more hours now that the house is quiet.
His luck is not that good. At the top of the stairs he stops and stares down at the entryway where Jared has some guy— Brock— pinned up against the front door and is kissing him within an inch of his life.
Jensen blinks, considers the possibility that he's still dreaming, but when he opens his eyes, the tableau is still there. Jared is all crowded up in Brock's space, his knee wedged between his legs, his hands cupping Brock's face like he's holding him right where he wants him. Brock is clutching at Jared's arms and making little whimpering noises, his hips moving in shallow little thrusts against Jared's thigh.
If Jensen were a decent person, he would turn around and go back to his room. Wait until he hears the front door close to emerge again. But he drank a lot of beer last night. The situation's pretty urgent and Jensen's not about to take a leak out his bedroom window just because Jared's intent on eating his new boyfriend's face.
So he starts down the stairs, manages a smile as he holds his hand up and says, "Don't mind me. Just need the bathroom," when Jared jerks away from Brock to look up at him.
He hears the murmur of voices and then the door open and close before he's even tucked his dick back into his pants. Somehow he doesn't really feel guilty about that. It's not like Jared's never going to see the guy again.
Jared is leaning against the kitchen counter waiting for him. The coffee maker is already gurgling out a steady stream of coffee into the carafe. "I, uh." Jared scratches the back of his neck. "When did you get home?"
"Before you," Jensen tells him with a smirk.
"Jesus." Jared rakes both hands over his face and blinks at Jensen. "I'm sorry, man. I thought you were gone for the night. I had no idea—"
Jensen waves him off, somehow finding a genuine smile. "No worries, porn star. I had ear plugs."
"Yeah?" Jared looks dubious, but like he really wants to believe him.
"Yeah. I was never technically a Boy Scout, but I've had a few. Y'know. Be prepared?" he says in case Jared missed the joke. "I didn't mean to interrupt back there. Just. Really had to piss."
"Yeah, no. That's fine." Jared seems bewildered and a little hysterical. Like he's embarrassed but can't quite manage the emotion because he's so thoroughly fucked-out. "Um, coffee?"
"Nah. Going back to bed." Jensen smacks Jared's stomach with the back of his hand as he walks past him.
"Sure, okay."
Jensen gets back into bed and spends the next four hours staring at the ceiling, willing himself to fall back asleep. He never does.
Jensen wakes up Wednesday morning five minutes before his alarm is set to go off. Jared's door is closed, which is weird. Generally he's up before Jensen. There's a note on the fridge saying he had to go to campus early and maybe he'll be by later for lunch. Jensen feels a stab of disappointment. He'd been counting on getting to have a birthday breakfast with Jared if nothing else. He supposes lunch will work just as well, though.
There's a card on his desk when he gets in. It's from Sam and there's a Starbucks gift card in there. Jensen pokes his head in her office and tells her thanks. She waves him away with a, "Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, kid." It's about as sentimental as Sam gets.
The morning passes quickly. Jensen isn't too busy, so he surfs the web in between phone calls from his parents, his siblings, Kristen and Sophia. About fifteen minutes before his usual lunch time, he gets a text from Jared that says, hate today. see u @ home? It means they won't even be riding the bus together.
Jensen tries to not feel like a petulant toddler and texts back, sure :)
The rest of the afternoon drags. Both Misha and Clare call, but other than that, Jensen has no outside entertainment and he has clearly come to the end of the internet.
Sam lets him go home half an hour early and he uses the time to swing by Starbucks and treat himself to a birthday mocha with whipped cream. He licks the whipped cream off with little swipes of his tongue as he waits for the bus until he notices a pervy old guy watching him with interest and sticks the lid back on the cup, unreasonably irritated.
The house smells like cake, warm, vanilla-sweet air greeting him as soon as he opens the door. "Hello?" He drops his keys on the entryway table and pulls off his jacket.
"Are you early?" Jared calls from the kitchen. "I think you're early."
"I don't think I am." Jensen walks into the kitchen to find Jared looking like he was following an I Love Lucy guide to baking, surrounded by dozens of tiny cupcakes. "What is this?"
"Happy birthday?" Jared looks pleased and sheepish. "This was supposed to be done when you got home. The cupcakes were supposed to be frosted and on a plate and I wasn't supposed to be covered in batter." He looks down at himself and frowns. "Somewhere along the way things stopped going according to plan."
It honestly takes Jensen a moment to process everything. Half the cupcakes are pink, decorated with blue frosting. The other half are yellow and yet unfrosted. "You made me tiny cupcakes?" he finally asks. Then the thought occurs to him. "Did Clare call you?"
"About what?" Jared asks immediately, with a sincerely confused look on his face, which is enough to convince Jensen he isn't lying.
"Nevermind. You made tiny pink cupcakes?"
Jared beams. "They're strawberry! You didn't think I'd forgotten your birthday, did you?" His smile fades a little when Jensen doesn't answer right away. "I know I haven't been around much lately..."
"What? No, dude." Jensen shakes his head and tries for the kind of friend he should be right now. "New relationship bliss. You totally get a pass. I mean, it's been awhile, but I remember what it's like."
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Jensen regrets them. Not because they're untrue, but because he does remember what it was like and two things he doesn't want to think about right now are how stupid in love he once was and the possibility that Jared is already that infatuated with his twinky new boyfriend.
"So how long has it been?" Jared asks too casually. It's what he does when he's insanely curious about something that he thinks he can't come right out and ask.
Jensen shakes his head. "Back when I was still young."
"Because twenty-eight is so ancient?" Jared asks with a smirk.
"Just wait," Jensen tells him ominously.
"Sure thing, gramps." Jared waves him away. "So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? I mean, if you have plans or whatever. Um."
"I thought you had a date."
"Nope."
The denial is a little off and Jensen eyes Jared suspiciously. "I could've sworn you said you had a date, because I was going to see if you wanted to hang out."
"You must be mistaken." Jared shrugs and looks a little too innocent.
"Huh. Must be." Jensen smiles at the thought of Jared canceling his date for him and picks up one of the pink cupcakes. He peels off the lining and pops it into his mouth whole. "Pizza and video games?" he asks as he chews.
"Heathen." Jared scratches his neck and pink batter flakes away. "Sounds good to me."
"Alright. I'm gonna go change." Jensen turns to leave the kitchen and Jared follows him. "Can I help you?" he asks, turning back to Jared with an expectant expression.
Jared spreads his arms out for inspection—he really is a mess. "I thought I might take a quick shower. I just need to grab some clean clothes."
On the way upstairs, Jensen tells Jared about his day, everyone he talked to and the pervy guy at the bus stop. Jared is still following him as he walks into his bedroom and flips on the light. There's an aquarium sitting on his dresser and two brightly colored fish floating in the water.
"What…" Jensen turns to face Jared and he can feel himself sporting a reflection of Jared's gigantic, goofy smile. "Did you get me fish?"
"I figured you wouldn't be happy about puppies," Jared says.
"Good call." It's an argument they've had once or twice, Jensen's thinking being, not until Jared finishes school. "But, uh, what made you go with fish?"
"You're a Pisces!" As though that explained everything. "But I had to get two, because the symbol is actually one fish swimming upstream and one swimming downstream."
Jensen walks over to examine the fish a little closer. One is a bright red and the other is a pretty, iridescent purple. "You've been talking to Sophia, haven't you?"
"Maybe a little. They're bettas!" Jared joins him at the tank, pointing at the line down the middle. "It's actually two separate compartments. They can't be in the same one because the males will fight until they kill each other. Awesome, right?"
"Totally." Jensen presses his finger against the plastic and watches the fish nearest to him swim over and flare his fins in what Jensen supposes is a threatening manner. He looks back at Jared. "I guess we'll have to name them."
"Uh." Jared shuffles awkwardly and avoids Jensen's gaze.
"You already named them," Jensen guesses, laughing.
"I've had them for two days and I felt weird calling them fish all the time," Jared says defensively. Because of course he would be talking to them.
"So? What are they?"
"The red one is Sam and the purple one is Dean."
It takes a lot for Jensen not to laugh at that. "Sam and Dean? Really?"
"You know, like Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin? They're badass."
"Yeah, I got the reference." Jensen turns back to the fish. "So wouldn't the red one technically be Sammy?"
"I suppose you can call him that." Jared wrinkles his nose. "I mean, they're your fish and all."
Jensen straightens and turns back to Jared, feeling ridiculously touched by the gift of fish. "Thanks, man. This is really cool."
"It's pretty lame." Jared says it like that doesn't particularly bother him, but Jensen shakes his head anyway.
"Not at all. It's the best birthday gift ever."
"Yeah, well." Jared seems to consider that for a moment and then his smile gets bigger. "Now it's time for your birthday spankings."
"Okay." Jensen laughs like it's a joke, which is a rookie Jared mistake. It is best to never assume Jared is joking. Jensen should know better. When he looks up, Jared already has his hand raised and Jensen gives an unmanly yelp and jumps out of range. "Jared, no!"
Jensen backpedals toward the bed and flops down on his back in an effort to protect himself. Jared lunges after him, accidentally kneeing his side and landing a blow on Jensen's thigh. They struggle as Jensen tries to grab Jared's wrist and Jared tries to turn Jensen over. When the dust settles, Jensen is still flat on his back and Jared is hovering over him. He's got Jensen's wrists pinned above his head and he's panting down at Jensen like he's not sure what to do with him now that he's got him there.
"I can't spank you like this." Jared's voice is low, with a rough edge which isn't the type of teasing Jensen thinks he was going for.
It takes one experimental tug for Jensen to determine that he really couldn't break Jared's grip if he tried and that hits him harder than he wants to admit. Jensen's attracted to Jared, that's not a new fact. He was attracted to him before he ever met him, but most of the time he can suppress that and it's not a big deal. Right now it's next to impossible to think about anything else.
But Jared is his roommate and his best friend and Jared has a boyfriend. Jensen might be able to ignore the first two in the moment, but he can't forget about the third. Of all the other things he has been and might still be, he will not be that guy. It's the line he can't cross and he's definitely not going to fuck with Jared's head just because he's currently feeling a little jealous. So he flexes against Jared's grip and says, "C'mon, Jay. Let me up."
Jared swallows audibly and gives a forced-looking smile as he lets Jensen go. "When you least expect it," he says as he sits up. It's clearly supposed to be a joke, but it falls a little flat.
By the time the pizza gets there, the rest of the cupcakes are frosted, Jared has showered and things are pretty much back to normal, enough that Jensen genuinely laughs when Jared says, "I see you're opting for the figurative spanking," as he fires up the Xbox.
They gorge themselves on pizza and cupcakes and play video games until well past midnight. "We both have places to be in the morning," Jensen points out as Jared goes to start another game.
"I know. Just one more." Jared's smile is so hopeful and fucking adorable that Jensen automatically agrees.
Before Jensen goes to bed, he calls in sick to work. He's never truly sick and he's only ever called in hung-over twice in the six years he's worked there, so he doesn't feel too bad about it. Luckily Sam is an awesome boss.
"Mmmhmm," she says in a bored tone. "Bet it's one of those twenty-four hour things."
"You betcha."
"Just get some sleep and your ass better be in here tomorrow."
"Thanks, Sam. You're the best." Jensen doesn't even mind that she hangs up on him. It's been one of his better birthdays.
Halfway through the summer, Jensen starts to think that Brock might be a permanent fixture in their lives. Jensen's pissed about having to share Jared for his birthday and they end up having the world's shittiest birthday party. It's Misha and Clare, Sophia and Chad, Jared and Brock, and Jensen and Matt Cohen. Matt is a guy from the university that Jensen occasionally fucks, because there's no way Jensen was going to go to a party with a bunch of couples alone.
The entire night is a disaster. Jared is unaccountably sullen and Brock is closed-lipped and unhappy. Matt's presence throws everything off further, because nobody knows him and even Jensen doesn't really talk to him much. They end up slipping outside to fool around in Matt's car halfway through the night, because there is only so much tension that Jensen can handle in such concentrated doses.
That's the last time Jensen has been invited to hang out when Brock is around, which is fine by him. It's not like he didn't try, but the kid doesn't like him and the feeling's quite mutual.
Jared and Brock spend most nights together and Jensen's not sure which he hates more—when Jared is gone, or when Brock is there. When Jared is gone, Jensen can go two or three days without seeing him unless he seeks him out on campus. When Brock stays at their place, Jensen sleeps with his earplugs in and still spends half the night imagining what they're doing in spite of himself. And when Brock stays over on Friday nights, Jensen gets to face him over breakfast the next day. Jensen's starting to hate the weekends.
He's fairly certain Jared knows how Jensen feels about his boyfriend because Jared seems to do his best to keep them away from each other and Jensen shows his appreciation by actively trying to be nice to Brock when he's around. It's not an ideal situation, but Jensen can cope. Jared's his friend and he seems genuinely happy, so Jensen can suck it up, even if he still secretly wishes that Jared would break up with him already on a daily basis.
Jensen can tell without checking that it is too early for him to be awake, especially since he's pretty sure it's a Saturday. He's not even sure what woke him up until he squints towards the door and sees a tall, Jared-shaped blur hovering. "Jared?"
"Hey," Jared whispers. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I'll just..." His voice sounds off somehow, but Jensen can't put his finger on it.
"Hold on." Jensen fumbles for his glasses and when he finally gets them on, he's surprised to see how awful Jared looks. "Jesus, what's wrong?"
"I, uh." Jared looks up at the ceiling like he's trying not to cry. "I had a bad dream." His voice goes up at the end like he's asking a question.
"Come on." Jensen motions with his head and throws back his blankets. There's obviously a story here, but Jensen sees no reason that they have to talk about it out of bed.
Jared doesn't protest at all, just pads over to the bed and crawls in, bringing the blankets up around his shoulders as he rolls on his side to face Jensen. His eyes are a little red, like maybe he has been crying, but Jensen honestly can't tell. "It's stupid," Jared says.
"Yeah, well, so's your face." Jensen smiles when Jared cracks a grin at that. "Come on, man. You're kind of freaking me out."
"I just." Jared takes a deep breath and lets it out. He smells like toothpaste. "I had this dream that you were in Texas and you were horseback riding and you got thrown off and—" He stops, takes another breath and closes his eyes. "I was reading about it in the paper and it said you were killed and I kept trying to call you and then I tried to call your mom and she wouldn't even talk to me and I couldn't find anything out and I. It really sucked," he finishes in a whisper, his voice strained.
"Jared," Jensen starts, but he actually isn't sure what to say about that.
"Anyway." Jared wipes his fingers over his closed eyes and then looks at Jensen again. "I was, like, mourning you in the dream and I woke up and it was just—" He makes an exploding noise and motions with his hand. "Overwhelming. So I got up because I didn't want to wake Brock up and I went downstairs to watch TV, but I couldn't shake it." He manages half a smile before his expression falls again. "So I came back up to check on you, I guess."
"I'm sorry," Jensen says. Jared's hand is spread on the mattress between them and Jensen covers it with his own, curling his fingers so that he can stroke Jared's palm. "That sounds pretty shitty."
"Yeah, it wasn't awesome," Jared agrees. "I know it's dumb, but I—"
"It's cool," Jensen rushes to assure him. "I would probably do the same thing."
"I could've waited for you to wake up."
"Yeah, well, I'm totally going back to sleep you know." Jensen grins and squeezes Jared's hand a little.
Jared nods and huffs out another deep breath. "Do you mind if I hang out for a few more minutes?"
"To watch me sleep? Of course. That's fine and not at all creepy."
"Thanks." The smile Jared gives him this time is genuine and Jensen doesn't have any trouble drifting off again, Jared's hand warm under his.
A knocking on the door wakes him up and Jensen frowns when he realizes he left his glasses on. He looks up to find Brock fully dressed, standing in the doorway to his bedroom.
"I'm going home," Brock says and it takes a minute for Jensen to realize Brock's not talking to him.
Jensen looks over to see Jared blinking in confusion, clearly trying to process what is happening. Brock turns around and walks away without another word. Jared runs his hand through his hair and looks at Jensen. "Shit."
"Well?" Jensen waits a beat and then smacks Jared's shoulder. "Go after him, dickhead."
"Shit!" Jared says again, scrambling out of bed.
The front door slams as Jared is still jogging down the stairs. It opens and closes again a few seconds later and Jensen wonders how many of their neighbors are currently witnessing Jared running after his boyfriend clad only in his Mickey Mouse boxers. Jensen hears Jared call Brock's name and a very distinct fuck you from Brock. He can't hear what Jared says after that, only the pleading undertone in the low rumble of his voice.
Despite the fact that he didn't actually do anything, Jensen feels incredibly guilty. He's never really had a reason to dislike Brock other than the fact that he takes up a significant amount of Jared's time and Jensen realizes how much of an asshole that makes him. He wants them to break up, but he doesn't really, because Jared has been happy with Brock. He especially doesn't want them to break up over something that was completely innocent, no matter how bad it looked.
It's only a few minutes before Jared comes back inside alone. While Jensen is still trying to decide if he should go down and talk to Jared or give him some space, Jared walks into his room and crawls back into bed with him. He flops onto his back, takes a deep breath and says, "Yeah, so that's over."
"That?"
"Me and Brock. That's over." Jared waves a hand in the air and then slaps his forehead. "Jesus, I'm an idiot."
"Are you sure? I mean, maybe once he's cooled down a little?"
"I'm pretty sure." Jared stares at the ceiling and laughs. "Apparently, leaving the bed that he was in to come fall asleep in yours falls under the deal breakers category."
"Did you tell him about the dream?" Jensen asks.
"Yep." Jared nods. "Didn't exactly work out in my favor, explaining my intense emotional reaction to my dream about you." He turns his head slightly so that he can look at Jensen. "You weren't exactly at the top of his list of most favorite people ever to begin with."
"Yeah, I noticed that." Jensen grimaces. "I'm sorry, Jay."
"Not really your fault." Jared shrugs.
"I mean the whole thing. I'm sorry you guys just broke up like that." Jensen stares at Jared's profile and frowns at his unhappy expression. "I know you liked him."
"We had a good time," Jared says quietly. He shrugs again and smiles weakly. "He wasn't like the love of my life or anything. It's fine." He takes a deep, shuddering breath, laughs on the exhale and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. "Christ, what a shitty morning."
"I'm sorry," Jensen says again. "Tell you what, I'm gonna go down and make waffles and bacon for breakfast and then tonight we will go out and get really trashed. How does that sound?"
"Do we have whipped cream?"
"I think there's some Cool Whip in the freezer. Or I can run to QFC."
Jared shakes his head. "Cool Whip is fine." He lets his arms drop and looks over at Jensen again. "Could we maybe just stay home and get trashed, though? I don't really feel like going out."
"Sure. I'll go get some food and hit up the liquor store later. Any special requests?"
"A puppy?" Jared asks with a little smile.
"Nice try." Jensen rolls out of bed and pulls on his pajama pants.
"Yeah, I figured if you were ever gonna say yes, this might be the time." Jared sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. "I suppose the waffles and bacon will have to do for now."
"You got it." Jensen pulls on a cleanish t-shirt and is about to head downstairs when Jared says his name again. "Yeah?" he asks, turning back towards him.
Jared is still sitting up in Jensen's bed, leaning forward, his arms hooked around his bent knees. He makes a pretty picture with his tousled hair and miles of golden skin against Jensen's green sheets. In fact, at the moment Jared looks absolutely gorgeous and for the first time in a long while, Jensen's fingers itch for his camera so that he can capture it.
"Thanks," Jared says with a vague wave of his hand. "For everything. I appreciate it."
"Sure." Jensen wants to laugh. Only Jared would thank him for helping with the fallout of a break up that he's, at least indirectly, responsible for. "Any time, man." And then he heads downstairs before he can start to notice again how good Jared looks in his bed.
They start drinking around five. It's a little early, maybe, but they've got the booze and no place to go, so there's really no reason to delay the celebration any. They're stretched out on opposite ends of the couch with the bottle of whiskey on the floor between them. Jensen's feet are tucked against Jared's hip and the pillow and Jared's got one foot on the floor, the other bent, his toes under Jensen's thigh.
At first, Jared had tried to insist on tequila, but Jensen had talked him out of it. While whiskey might make him morose, everything looks a thousand times worse on the bad side of a tequila drunk. Tequila is not for break-ups. Jensen learned that the hard way.
He's been trying to keep Jared distracted by telling crazy, amusing stories. Most of them involve Misha in some way because Misha provides endless fodder for that sort of thing. Jared even gets into it a little, sharing some stories about Chad, which makes Jensen wonder if Chad is Jared's Misha.
It's a weird thought and he eyes his glass, thinking that maybe he should have been keeping track of the number of drinks he's had. There's really no reason that he has to get blindingly shitfaced. He doesn't really have any sorrows to drown at the moment.
"Hey, so I have a question." Jared wiggles his toes under Jensen's leg.
"Shoot." Jensen leans forward to grab the bottle. He figures he's already this far gone, what's the point in stopping now?
"Do you believe in love? Like, with all the romantic trappings. That one person you want to be with all the time." Jared looks down at his glass and frowns. "Do you think it's possible, that it's out there? Or do you think it's just a story we tell ourselves?"
Suddenly Jensen is glad he's as drunk as he is already. "I do think it's possible," he says slowly. "I think, yeah. I think it's out there. I think maybe I had it once and I walked away because I was too stupid to know better."
"You're gonna have to tell me about that sometime," Jared says quietly.
Jensen nods. "Maybe I will. Sometime." He looks up at Jared and smiles. "But tonight is about your romantic failings."
"Thanks for that, man. Cheers." Jared leans forward and Jensen meets him the rest of the way, clinking their glasses together. After taking a sip of his whiskey, Jared considers Jensen again. "Alright, how about this? First guy you ever..."
"Ever?" Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Kissed? Fucked? Dated?"
"Experience. Fooled around with. Whatever." Jared waves his hand. "I assume you didn't do a lot of gay dating in high school."
"Safe assumption to make." Jensen tops his drink off again and sits back. "First guy, first kiss, first a lot of things. That'd be Marc Blucas." He looks down at his hands and smiles. Jesus, it's been years since he's thought about Marc.
"Junior year of high school I go to visit my brother at college. He's living in an apartment with this guy, Marc. Gorgeous, clean-cut, All-American, Abercombie looking sort of guy. Big, too. Much bigger than I was, anyway."
"So, a walking wet dream," Jared says.
"Yeah." Jensen laughs and nods. "Yeah, pretty much. At the time, I was only starting to come to terms with everything. Figuring out that this attraction to guys wasn't going to go away no matter how hard I tried. I hadn't even thought about telling anyone else yet. So I go to visit my brother and Marc is there and the guy has my number in, like, two seconds."
Jensen still remembers exactly how he felt in that moment, shaking Marc's hand. The way his fingertips stroked over Jensen's palm and the quick little smile he gave him. He remembers how he knew that Marc knew. How jittery and on-edge he was that whole first night because of it.
"Next day, my brother goes to class and I'm home alone with Marc. Within ten minutes of Josh leaving, we were up in Marc's room and he's nailing me through the mattress." Jensen grins and shakes his head. "It was a Goddamn revelation. Left absolutely zero doubts in my mind as to what I wanted. That whole week, every time Josh left the house we went at it and Josh, bless his heart, had absolutely no clue." He considers that for a moment. "Which is probably good. I don't think he would have handled it well at the time. Actually, I'm not sure how well he'd handle that info now."
When Jensen looks up, he's surprised to find Jared frowning at him. "What?"
"How old were you?"
"Seventeen."
"And how old was he?"
"Um." Jensen has to think about it. "Twenty-two. Twenty-three, maybe? Why?"
"I dunno." Jared shrugs and looks down. "Just seems a little predatory to me."
Jensen laughs. "Predatory? Yeah, maybe. But c'mon. We were in Texas. The guy was Narnia-deep in the closet and I was pretty much gagging for it at that point. For all the drawbacks to dudes who are that repressed, when they let loose it is a glorious thing. Still rates as the second-best sex of my life."
"Uh, what about you?" Jensen asks when Jared continues to frown at him and say nothing.
"Guy I went to high school with, Ryan Sypek. We weren't really friends, but we ended up at the same party one night." Jared holds up his glass and then takes a drink. "Both a little tipsy and we ended up making out for, like, an hour in the bathroom. After that we kept meeting up places, accidentally on purpose. At school or wherever. Kiss and jack each other off. It never went further than that, but, yeah. He was the first."
"Huh."
"What?"
Jensen shrugs. "I guess I was maybe expecting you to have a sweet puppy love first time story. Some boy next door or something."
"I grew up in Texas too, Jensen." Jared shifts in his seat. "Just because I was able to tell my parents, it doesn't mean I was exactly out and proud at sixteen."
"I know, I just—" Jensen wiggles his foot against Jared's side. "You deserve to have all of those stupid cliché things. It bums me out that you didn't."
Jared grabs Jensen's foot with his free hand and says, "You didn't have them either."
"Yeah, but I'm not you." Jensen smirks and looks away. "To Texas. For making us the men we are today."
Next
Austin was an awesome idea, Jensen thinks. He claps Jared on the shoulder. "Austin was an awesome idea!" He has to lean in close to be heard over the din. There's a crush of people all around them and between their conversations and the music, Jensen has been shouting all night.
"Yeah, you mentioned that." Jared looks amused, which makes Jensen happy. He likes amusing Jared.
Judging from the number of guys making out with each other, they've ended up at a gay bar, though it wasn't intentional. There are a lot of people and they just sort of went with the flow. Jensen has had many whiskey drinks so far and very few of them has he paid for.
"What time is it?" Jensen asks. "I have to piss."
"Two minutes." Jared holds up his phone so that Jensen can read the display.
Jensen supposes he can wait two minutes and then pee, but it feels like a lot longer than that until people began counting down. He stays pressed up against Jared because they've already gotten separated twice. At midnight, he turns to face Jared and shouts, "Happy New Year!" But he can't even hear his own voice over the noise, so he tugs on Jared's shirt until he's leaning down far enough for Jensen to kiss him.
It's a friendly peck, just a brush of their lips. When Jensen leans back, Jared is smiling, so Jensen kisses him again, another easy brush. Then Jensen grabs the back of Jared's neck and the next few kisses are increasingly less platonic, wet and open-mouthed and Jensen pulls away from the last one sucking on Jared's bottom lip a little. It's just enough to convince him that this is a really good idea, but when he goes back in, Jared stops him.
"How drunk are you right now?" Jared yells in his ear.
"Uh..." Jensen holds his hand out flat and tilts it back and forth. "Fair to middling?" At Jared's skeptical look, he changes his answer to, "I haven't blacked out yet."
Jared nods and says, "Don't you have to pee?"
"Shit! Yes!" As soon as Jared says that, Jensen is reminded that it is really an immediate necessity. "I'll be back!" Jensen worms his way through the crowd to the bathroom. Surprisingly, there are only two other guys in there. The noise level is cut in half as the door swings shut and Jensen blinks, a little dazed by the relative silence. The guys leave together while Jensen pisses and it feels kind of nice to be away from people altogether, even if it's just for a moment.
As Jensen is washing his hands, a girl slips into the bathroom. A tiny brunette, cute as a button and there is not a chance that she's old enough to be in a bar.
"Men's room," Jensen tells her.
"There's a line for the women's." She looks at the urinals, at the stall that has no door and back at Jensen. "Stand guard for me and I'll share my champagne with you."
"Sure." Jensen stands in front of the stall, his back to her, and holds her purse as she pees. She must be carrying bricks or something, because her bag weighs a ton. After she's done washing her hands, she grabs the purse from him and pulls out a bottle of champagne and passes it over.
"Really?" Jensen laughs and undoes the top, managing to remove the cork without incident. He gives it back to her so she can have the first sip. She takes a swig and then sets the bottle down in front of him and starts digging around in her purse again.
"Ha!" She holds up a tube of red lip gloss triumphantly.
Jensen takes a long drink of champagne as she reapplies, snorting as the bubbles tickle up his nose.
"You're officially my hero for the night." She presses her lips together and drops the tube back in her bag. Then she grabs Jensen's shirt and kisses him, slick and hard. Jensen opens his mouth when she licks at his lips and she tastes like champagne and artificial cherries. "So, you're like really drunk or really gay, right?" she asks when she pulls back.
"Both!" Jensen smiles brightly and takes another drink.
She nods, seems to consider it and then dismiss it in favor of kissing him again. Jensen sets the champagne down blindly and wraps his hands around her waist. She's so tiny he can nearly get his fingers to touch. He picks her up and sets her on the counter so that he doesn't have to bend down so far and lets her kiss him all she wants.
It's pleasant, like a massage or sitting in the hot tub. She's a good kisser and evidently just wants someone to make out with and Jensen can sympathize with that. So he kisses her and pets her hair and only pulls back when the bathroom door swings open and someone says, "Move it out to the bar."
Jensen grabs the champagne and jerks his head toward the door as she hops down off the counter.
"That was wet," she says. "The counter. And now my ass."
"Sorry." Jensen opens the door and lets her go out first.
"So you're like the gayest of the gays," she shouts as they walk back into the crowd. "Because any straight guy would have had my panties off in there."
He can't tell if she's disappointed or not, so he just gives her an apologetic shrug.
"Where the fuck have you been?" They've suddenly been joined by two other girls who are looking rather irritated with Jensen's companion.
"Bathroom! This is..." She looks at Jensen with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, uh. Jensen." He grins sheepishly at the girls as they glare at him.
"Jensen!" She claps her hands. "He is very very gay!"
"Yeah, okay," one of the girls says and grabs her friends arm. "Say goodbye now."
"Goodbye, Jensen! You're a good kisser!"
Jensen waves as she's pulled off into the crowd. He looks around the room and realizes he has no idea where he left Jared, so he decides to stay put until Jared comes to find him. Except he should probably have a drink. He's about to go order one when he realizes he's still holding a full bottle of champagne. "Happy New Year," he says to nobody in particular.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Jared is suddenly looming over Jensen and he does not look happy.
"Here!" Jensen isn't sure what the problem is, because Jared knew he was going to the bathroom. Except that somehow he isn't by the bathroom anymore. Huh. "I've been talking to—" He gestures at the guy in front of him. Dan, Dave, Derrick, Damon?
"Jeff," the guy says and Jensen laughs. Apparently they haven't gotten around to exchanging names yet, because he's pretty sure he would have remembered that one. He goes to take another drink and frowns when he realizes his champagne is gone.
"Where did you get that?" Jared gestures to the bottle, looking confused.
"There was a girl in the bathroom," Jensen explains. "And Jeff, here. Jeff is a musician."
"A songwriter," Jeff says.
"Jeff is the best songwriter we will ever meet," Jensen says, because he's pretty sure that's what Jeff had told him. The best songwriter around today or something.
Jared gives Jeff a distracted nod and then turns back to Jensen. "How much of that did you drink?"
"Um." It takes Jensen a second to realize he's back to the champagne again. "Well." He squints at the bottle and shakes it. "It was full when I opened it..."
"Jesus. Okay, we should go back to the motel now."
Jensen frowns, because Jared looks mad and he's not sure he's ever actually seen Jared mad. Before he can ask about that, Jeff clears his throat.
"I have some beer back at my place," he says to Jensen. "We could go watch a movie or something."
Oh, Jensen thinks. Beer! But Jared's expression looks disapproving and Jensen shakes his head slowly, still looking at Jared. "I think that means no?" he asks, wondering if he's interpreting that right. "No, I have to go with him," he tells Jeff.
"You sure?" Jeff asks.
"Sorry," Jared says before Jensen can answer. "I'm gonna have to play the sober best friend card here." He grabs Jensen's shoulder and Jensen beams up at him because Jared totally just called him his best friend.
"Can I get your number?"
"We're not local," Jared says and gives Jensen a firm push toward the door.
It's as crowded outside as it was in the bar, but the fresh air is nice. Jared grabs the bottle from Jensen's hand and tosses it in a nearby trash can. They have to walk past where the street is blocked off before they can get a cab and Jensen grabs Jared's hand so they don't get separated again.
Halfway to the barricade Jensen turns to Jared and frowns. "I think you cock-blocked me back there."
Jared smirks. "You'll thank me tomorrow if you remember that guy."
Jensen nods and tries to lean his head against Jared's shoulder as they walk, but it doesn't really work so he sighs and gives up. He's really tired now and he doesn't want to walk anymore.
Eventually the crowd thins out and Jared finds a cab for them. Jensen curls up against Jared the best he can in the backseat and smiles when he realizes they're still holding hands. "I didn't mean to get this drunk," he admits. His head is spinning and now that they're not walking, he feels pretty gross. "I think the champagne was a bad idea."
"I think you're probably right on that one." Jared pulls their joined hands onto his lap and traces over the seams of their fingers. "You have lipstick all over your face."
"Oh." Jensen wipes his mouth with the back of his free hand and grimaces. "I think I made out with some girl in the bathroom?"
Jared doesn't respond to that except to let go of Jensen's hand. Jensen pulls it back into his own lap and manages to sit up straight.
"Sorry I'm kind of a fuck-up," he says to the window.
"Don't worry about it, man." Jared pats his shoulder awkwardly and sighs. "We all have our nights."
"Come on, Jensen. Just three more minutes of consciousness. That's all I'm asking."
Jensen blinks blearily at Jared as he tries to open the door to their room. Then he realizes Jared is also holding him up. "I'm good," he says, and moves to slump against the wall.
Jared finally gets the key to work and he grabs Jensen's arm to help him into the room.
"I can walk." Jensen's pretty sure that's just bravado talking at this point, but he manages to make it to the bed before he trips and falls face-first onto the mattress. He makes a noise of protest as he feels Jared tug off his boots, but Jared doesn't stop until they're both off.
"You're on your own from there," Jared tells him.
"M'good." Jensen rolls over onto his back and gets his jeans undone and shoved halfway down his thighs. The room is spinning unpleasantly from this angle and he kicks his jeans the rest of the way off as he unbuttons his shirt. He's down to his t-shirt and boxers by the time Jared is done brushing his teeth and is trying to figure out how to get under the covers without getting off the bed. "Too hot anyway," he says, giving up entirely.
"Here." Jared sets a glass of water on the night table between their beds.
"Thanks." Jensen rolls onto his side and stares down the water. He knows he should drink it, but his stomach recoils at the thought.
"Night, Jen." Jared gets into his bed and shuts off the light.
Jensen blinks against the sudden darkness, dizzy and unhappy at the tone of Jared's voice. "Hey, Jared?" he starts, but his stomach lurches suddenly and Jensen scrambles from the bed, hitting his leg twice on the frame before making it to the bathroom.
The copious amount of alcohol he drank seems to be trying to come up all at once and Jensen heaves so hard that he actually gags himself with his retching. When he's done, he flushes the toilet with a shaky hand and leans his forehead against the seat, wondering idly how good the cleaning service in this place is.
"You alright?" Jensen only starts a little at the sound of Jared's voice. He's too tired to do more.
"Peachy," he says miserably.
There's the sound of the faucet running and then a minute later, Jared is in the bathroom with him, stepping around him to sit on the edge of the tub. He sets a cool, damp washcloth on the back of Jensen's neck and then starts rubbing his back in small, comforting circles.
"Sorry," he mutters. "Sorry, sorry, God, I'm sorry." He's prevented from apologizing more by another bout of puking. When he's done, he wipes the tears from his face and laughs as Jared flushes for him. "Awesome New Year's, huh?"
"It had its moments." Jared is still rubbing his back and it's far more than Jensen deserves.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get this drunk."
"I know, man. It's cool." Jared makes a soft amused sound. "I think the champagne was a bad idea."
"God, don't remind me." Jensen groans and takes several deep breaths through his mouth as his stomach rolls, but he doesn't start throwing up again. "You can go to bed. I'm just gonna, y'know. Curl up here and die."
Jared's hand stills for a moment, then he says, "Nah, I'm good. I bet Jeff is sorry he's missing this, though."
"What?" Jensen jerks his head up at that, looking over at Jared, but the lights are still out and he can only vaguely make out Jared's shape.
"That guy you were talking to. The world's greatest songwriter or whatever."
"Right. That guy," Jensen says and promptly throws up one more time. He's pretty sure his stomach is empty by now, but he decides to stay there on the floor for a while longer, just in case. "Thank you," he says to Jared.
"For what?"
"Takin' care of me." Jensen turns his head so that he's not talking into the toilet and continues. "It's, uh. It's been a long time since I've had someone do that. Since someone cared enough to try."
"I see we've reached the morose part of the evening," Jared says teasingly.
Jensen snorts. "Yeah, maybe. Doesn't make it less true."
Jared stops rubbing Jensen's back and reaches out to pet his head, stroking his fingers down over the short hairs at the back and then up again. It's nice. "You take care of me too, you know."
"Yeah?" Jensen tries to think about it, but that just makes his head hurt.
"Yeah," Jared says.
"Oh."
Suddenly Jensen is unbelievably tired and he yawns so wide his jaw pops. Jared runs his thumb over the back of Jensen's neck one more time and then stands, grabbing the washcloth as he goes. He has Jensen's toothbrush ready for him by the time Jensen manages to stand and Jensen takes it gratefully, brushing the sour taste out of his mouth as best he can.
Jared has the blankets of his bed pulled back for him, which is nice because Jensen is freezing now. He crawls under them and smiles when Jared pulls them up to cover him.
"Thanks," he says around another yawn.
"Happy New Year, Jensen," Jared says as he crawls into his own bed.
"Yeah." Jensen laughs a little at that. "Yeah, you too."
Jensen wakes up with a pounding headache behind his eyes and the deep, intense, very sincere desire to simply die then and there. The universe does not see fit to grant him this small favor, however, and his headache seems to get worse as he lays there breathing.
He eventually musters up the strength to open his eyes and regrets it immediately. Light is too much and he left his contacts in last night, which means that they're now dry and glued to his eyeballs.
"How you feelin' there, rock star?" The question comes from somewhere behind him, but Jensen can't be bothered to turn and look. The good news is, it's Jared's voice.
"How—" Jensen stops and smacks his lips together. He spots the glass of water on the night stand and takes a sip. It's stale, but at least his tongue doesn't quite feel like a dead, dried-up thing in his mouth anymore. "How much do I have to apologize for?"
Jared comes around to the other side of the bed to stand in front of Jensen, which put Jensen at eye level with his crotch. He closes his eyes again.
"How much do you remember?"
"It's spotty," Jensen admits. He's really not sure if the part where he made out with a girl actually happened or if it was part of the bizarre dream he had. He's fairly certain he didn't get up on the bar and dance. Not his style.
"Don't worry about it," Jared says eventually. "You just had an ill-advised bottle of champagne and had to be tucked in."
"Don't remind me." Jensen squeezes his eyes shut tighter against the thought of champagne and groans. "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
Jensen snorts and then immediately regrets it. "I'm sure I did at least six things that I should be sorry about and you're being too nice to tell me. New Year's Eve isn't always my best holiday."
"Now you tell me." Jared sounds tolerantly amused. "You apologized last night while you were throwing up."
"So that happened."
"Yep."
"Sorry," Jensen says again.
"I'm sure you'll find some way to make it up to me at some point." Jared claps him on the shoulder and shakes him, making Jensen groan. "In the meantime, I think your drive back to Richardson will be punishment enough."
"Too mean."
"Come on. We'll hit the Waffle House first."
It's the best offer Jensen is going to get and way better than he likely deserves.
Jensen hates February. It's dark and gloomy and miserable, and who actually likes Valentine's Day, anyway? Single people are depressed that they're single and couples feel the need to celebrate out of some smug satisfaction that they are not single. Not that Jensen gives a shit about being single, but the heteronormative commercialized romantic bullshit irritates him anyway. Especially since it starts right after Christmas.
The Friday before Valentine's Day, Jensen decides that he wants to do something anti-romance. Get some really garlicky takeout food and watch war movies or something. He goes up to Jared's room to see if he's in, taking the stairs two at a time. "Hey, Jared, do you want to—" he stops short when he gets to the open bedroom door and looks inside.
Jared is wearing a chocolate brown v-neck sweater and a nice pair of dark wash jeans, and pulling on a pair of lace-up boots. It's weird and surprising. Jensen's never seen Jared look this nice. He wasn't even aware that Jared had decent clothes.
"Do I want to what?" Jared asks, looking up from tying his boots.
"Eat garlic and watch people get blown up." Jensen gestures to him. "What's with this? Hot date?"
"Uh." Jared sits up and smoothes his hand over his jaw, like he's trying to judge whether or not he needs to shave. "Sort of?"
"Oh." Jensen stares at him and Jared stares back, long enough that it gets a little weird. "Well, are you going to tell me about it, or is this like a twenty questions thing?"
"Oh. Um, yeah." Jared tilts his head and scrunches his nose. "Promise you won't give me shit about this?"
Jensen shakes his head. "Absolutely not, man. You know I won't make that sort of blanket promise."
"Right, okay. Well, there's this guy who was in one of my classes last quarter. So, he came to see me during my office hours."
"Wait." Jensen holds up his hand. "He was in one of your classes like one of the classes you TA for?" Jared nods. "Okay, continue."
"He asked me out. And I said yes. I mean, I figure, if nothing else, the kid has a pair, right?" Jared huffs out a breath as he stands and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know, does it make me a creep?"
"Is there a possibility that you'll be his TA again?" Jensen asks.
"No."
"Then go for it." Jensen shrugs and tries not to look as irritated as he feels by this news. "He's hot, right?"
"Uh, I noticed him in class," Jared says with a grin. "He's also smart. His papers were always good and remarkably free of typos. Like maybe he actually edited them before he handed them it."
Jensen smirks. "He was probably trying to impress his hot TA with his intellect."
"Well, if that was the case..." Jared trails off as he grabs his jacket and pats his pockets down to make sure he has everything. He pats Jensen's cheek as walks by him out the door and says, "It worked."
After Jared's gone, Jensen briefly considers his original plans for the evening and realizes that he'd much rather go out. So he changes into a black fitted shirt, considers shaving and then realizes he doesn't really care and heads out into the cold, wet night.
It's after two when Jensen stumbles home. He figures Jared's already in bed, so he tries to be quiet as he enters the house. Overall, he's ended up in the plus column for the night. He danced and drank quite a bit and got blown in the back of some guy's car. He reciprocated with a hand job and managed not to get any jizz on his clothes, so, yeah. All in all, it was a decent night. Now he wants a quesadilla.
He goes into the kitchen and pulls out the big pan, wincing as the other pans clank against each other as they shift. "Shh," he tells them as he sets the pan on the stove.
Luckily, there are tortillas in the fridge and pre-sliced cheese, which is about all that Jensen can manage at the moment. He pulls out the jar of salsa as well. Just as he's about to turn on the stove, the front door opens and Jensen starts, knocking the pan off the burner with a loud rattling sound.
"Jensen?" Jared calls out.
"Jesus, you scared the crap out of me!"
Jared walks into the kitchen, eying him warily. "Sorry."
"I thought you were in bed," Jensen explains.
"Uh, no. I just got back." Jared walks over to the stove and elbows Jensen out of the way. "You went out?"
"Yeah. I can do that." Jensen crosses his arms and watches Jared start to assemble the quesadillas.
"This is weak. Get the microwave bacon out of the fridge," Jared says.
Jensen does as he's told and waits until he has his food before trying to engage in conversation again. "How was your date?" he asks as Jared pours them glasses of water from the Brita.
"Good. Really good." Jared smiles this sweet, sort of bashful little smile that makes Jensen frown, not that Jared is paying him any attention. "We had fun."
"Awesome. That's awesome." Jensen takes a bite of his food and thinks about that. "So, you're gonna go out with him again?"
"Yeah." Jared nods and continues to smile. “Yeah, definitely."
"Good. I'm glad." If Jensen doesn't entirely mean that, he at least wants to, which has to count for something.
Jared doesn't ask Jensen about his night and Jensen is drunk enough that he can't decide whether or not he's happy about that.
On the third Friday in a row that Jared goes out with Brock, Jensen goes over to Clare and Misha's to watch a movie. He'd been planning on going out, but he changed his mind at the last minute, calling his friends and feeling a little pathetic about it. Misha's out of town as it turns out, so it's just him and Clare.
"So Jared's seeing this guy. 'Brock'," Jensen says as they're waiting for the popcorn to pop. He's not entirely sure why he does the airquotes. It's not like Brock is a pseudonym or anything.
"And you miss him?" Clare asks with a teasing smile.
Jensen grabs a beer out of the fridge and opens it, taking a long drink before answering her. "I'm jealous as hell," he admits. "I know it makes me a dick, but I'm used to having him around. I don't like not being able to hang out with him when I want to."
Clare studies him for a moment. "You're not being a dick to him about it, though."
"No."
"You're just here being all petulant and whiney to me?"
"Yeah, and thanks for that."
"Sorry." Clare leans up and kisses his cheek. "You're a good boy, Jensen. The honeymoon phase will pass and you guys will hang out again. Aren't you doing anything for your birthday next week?"
Jensen shakes his head. "I was going to ask, but he said something about him and Brock going to some show or whatever."
"Does he know it's your birthday?"
"Not sure. I don't want him to cancel his date for me, though." Jensen looks down at his beer and frowns.
"Aw, baby! Aren't you just the saddest thing ever," Clare says, petting his cheek.
"Shut up." Jensen knocks her hand away, smiling a little. "Let me wallow and be pathetic, would you?"
"I wouldn't dare try and smother such inspired angst." She pulls the popcorn out of the microwave and shakes the bag. "Of course, the obvious solution would be for you to date him yourself."
All of Jensen's usual protests spring to his mouth, but Clare's watching him carefully and he can't seem to deliver them with the dismissive irritation he usually feels at that. "He's my friend, Clare. I just miss my friend."
"Okay," she says and lets it drop at that.
The movie is over by ten and, despite Clare's offer to hang out and talk, Jensen decides to go home and go to bed. He's been really tired all week. He takes out his contacts and brushes his teeth.
Jared's bedroom door is ajar and the room is dark and empty as Jensen walks by it. He wonders if he could possibly be more of a morose twelve year-old at the moment. It probably has more to do with the fact that he's tired than anything else.
He falls asleep almost immediately only to be awoken what seems like minutes later. When he checks the clock, he sees that it's almost midnight and has no idea what woke him up. He rolls onto his side and closes his eyes again when he hears it. A long, low moan coming from the next room.
You've got to be kidding me, Jensen thinks. Now that he's listening for it, he can hear it all. The steady stream of sex noises, moans and grunts and the occasional knocking of the headboard against the wall.
Jensen lived with Misha and Clare long enough, and it's not like Sophia never brought guys home. At least until she started dating Chad and Jensen banned them having sex in the house when he was in the house. But it seems weird to him that it's Jared in there, making some guy moan and whine and beg. They're clearly not even trying to be quiet about it.
He fumbles in the drawer of his nightstand and manages to find the earplugs he had leftover from Sophia's single days. They're kind of gross, but it's better than the alternative, so he twists them up and shoves them in his ears. Unfortunately, he heard enough that it's still echoing in his head.
How is this my life? he wonders, flinging his arm over his eyes. Eventually he manages to get back to sleep, but it's restless and full of weird dreams.
It's still early when Jensen wakes up with a full bladder, a throbbing head, and an old, sticky earplug squished against his cheek. Jensen already hates the day. He rolls out of bed and doesn't bother with a shirt as he walks out of his room. His intention is to piss and take some Benadryl and sleep for about eight more hours now that the house is quiet.
His luck is not that good. At the top of the stairs he stops and stares down at the entryway where Jared has some guy— Brock— pinned up against the front door and is kissing him within an inch of his life.
Jensen blinks, considers the possibility that he's still dreaming, but when he opens his eyes, the tableau is still there. Jared is all crowded up in Brock's space, his knee wedged between his legs, his hands cupping Brock's face like he's holding him right where he wants him. Brock is clutching at Jared's arms and making little whimpering noises, his hips moving in shallow little thrusts against Jared's thigh.
If Jensen were a decent person, he would turn around and go back to his room. Wait until he hears the front door close to emerge again. But he drank a lot of beer last night. The situation's pretty urgent and Jensen's not about to take a leak out his bedroom window just because Jared's intent on eating his new boyfriend's face.
So he starts down the stairs, manages a smile as he holds his hand up and says, "Don't mind me. Just need the bathroom," when Jared jerks away from Brock to look up at him.
He hears the murmur of voices and then the door open and close before he's even tucked his dick back into his pants. Somehow he doesn't really feel guilty about that. It's not like Jared's never going to see the guy again.
Jared is leaning against the kitchen counter waiting for him. The coffee maker is already gurgling out a steady stream of coffee into the carafe. "I, uh." Jared scratches the back of his neck. "When did you get home?"
"Before you," Jensen tells him with a smirk.
"Jesus." Jared rakes both hands over his face and blinks at Jensen. "I'm sorry, man. I thought you were gone for the night. I had no idea—"
Jensen waves him off, somehow finding a genuine smile. "No worries, porn star. I had ear plugs."
"Yeah?" Jared looks dubious, but like he really wants to believe him.
"Yeah. I was never technically a Boy Scout, but I've had a few. Y'know. Be prepared?" he says in case Jared missed the joke. "I didn't mean to interrupt back there. Just. Really had to piss."
"Yeah, no. That's fine." Jared seems bewildered and a little hysterical. Like he's embarrassed but can't quite manage the emotion because he's so thoroughly fucked-out. "Um, coffee?"
"Nah. Going back to bed." Jensen smacks Jared's stomach with the back of his hand as he walks past him.
"Sure, okay."
Jensen gets back into bed and spends the next four hours staring at the ceiling, willing himself to fall back asleep. He never does.
Jensen wakes up Wednesday morning five minutes before his alarm is set to go off. Jared's door is closed, which is weird. Generally he's up before Jensen. There's a note on the fridge saying he had to go to campus early and maybe he'll be by later for lunch. Jensen feels a stab of disappointment. He'd been counting on getting to have a birthday breakfast with Jared if nothing else. He supposes lunch will work just as well, though.
There's a card on his desk when he gets in. It's from Sam and there's a Starbucks gift card in there. Jensen pokes his head in her office and tells her thanks. She waves him away with a, "Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday, kid." It's about as sentimental as Sam gets.
The morning passes quickly. Jensen isn't too busy, so he surfs the web in between phone calls from his parents, his siblings, Kristen and Sophia. About fifteen minutes before his usual lunch time, he gets a text from Jared that says, hate today. see u @ home? It means they won't even be riding the bus together.
Jensen tries to not feel like a petulant toddler and texts back, sure :)
The rest of the afternoon drags. Both Misha and Clare call, but other than that, Jensen has no outside entertainment and he has clearly come to the end of the internet.
Sam lets him go home half an hour early and he uses the time to swing by Starbucks and treat himself to a birthday mocha with whipped cream. He licks the whipped cream off with little swipes of his tongue as he waits for the bus until he notices a pervy old guy watching him with interest and sticks the lid back on the cup, unreasonably irritated.
The house smells like cake, warm, vanilla-sweet air greeting him as soon as he opens the door. "Hello?" He drops his keys on the entryway table and pulls off his jacket.
"Are you early?" Jared calls from the kitchen. "I think you're early."
"I don't think I am." Jensen walks into the kitchen to find Jared looking like he was following an I Love Lucy guide to baking, surrounded by dozens of tiny cupcakes. "What is this?"
"Happy birthday?" Jared looks pleased and sheepish. "This was supposed to be done when you got home. The cupcakes were supposed to be frosted and on a plate and I wasn't supposed to be covered in batter." He looks down at himself and frowns. "Somewhere along the way things stopped going according to plan."
It honestly takes Jensen a moment to process everything. Half the cupcakes are pink, decorated with blue frosting. The other half are yellow and yet unfrosted. "You made me tiny cupcakes?" he finally asks. Then the thought occurs to him. "Did Clare call you?"
"About what?" Jared asks immediately, with a sincerely confused look on his face, which is enough to convince Jensen he isn't lying.
"Nevermind. You made tiny pink cupcakes?"
Jared beams. "They're strawberry! You didn't think I'd forgotten your birthday, did you?" His smile fades a little when Jensen doesn't answer right away. "I know I haven't been around much lately..."
"What? No, dude." Jensen shakes his head and tries for the kind of friend he should be right now. "New relationship bliss. You totally get a pass. I mean, it's been awhile, but I remember what it's like."
As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Jensen regrets them. Not because they're untrue, but because he does remember what it was like and two things he doesn't want to think about right now are how stupid in love he once was and the possibility that Jared is already that infatuated with his twinky new boyfriend.
"So how long has it been?" Jared asks too casually. It's what he does when he's insanely curious about something that he thinks he can't come right out and ask.
Jensen shakes his head. "Back when I was still young."
"Because twenty-eight is so ancient?" Jared asks with a smirk.
"Just wait," Jensen tells him ominously.
"Sure thing, gramps." Jared waves him away. "So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? I mean, if you have plans or whatever. Um."
"I thought you had a date."
"Nope."
The denial is a little off and Jensen eyes Jared suspiciously. "I could've sworn you said you had a date, because I was going to see if you wanted to hang out."
"You must be mistaken." Jared shrugs and looks a little too innocent.
"Huh. Must be." Jensen smiles at the thought of Jared canceling his date for him and picks up one of the pink cupcakes. He peels off the lining and pops it into his mouth whole. "Pizza and video games?" he asks as he chews.
"Heathen." Jared scratches his neck and pink batter flakes away. "Sounds good to me."
"Alright. I'm gonna go change." Jensen turns to leave the kitchen and Jared follows him. "Can I help you?" he asks, turning back to Jared with an expectant expression.
Jared spreads his arms out for inspection—he really is a mess. "I thought I might take a quick shower. I just need to grab some clean clothes."
On the way upstairs, Jensen tells Jared about his day, everyone he talked to and the pervy guy at the bus stop. Jared is still following him as he walks into his bedroom and flips on the light. There's an aquarium sitting on his dresser and two brightly colored fish floating in the water.
"What…" Jensen turns to face Jared and he can feel himself sporting a reflection of Jared's gigantic, goofy smile. "Did you get me fish?"
"I figured you wouldn't be happy about puppies," Jared says.
"Good call." It's an argument they've had once or twice, Jensen's thinking being, not until Jared finishes school. "But, uh, what made you go with fish?"
"You're a Pisces!" As though that explained everything. "But I had to get two, because the symbol is actually one fish swimming upstream and one swimming downstream."
Jensen walks over to examine the fish a little closer. One is a bright red and the other is a pretty, iridescent purple. "You've been talking to Sophia, haven't you?"
"Maybe a little. They're bettas!" Jared joins him at the tank, pointing at the line down the middle. "It's actually two separate compartments. They can't be in the same one because the males will fight until they kill each other. Awesome, right?"
"Totally." Jensen presses his finger against the plastic and watches the fish nearest to him swim over and flare his fins in what Jensen supposes is a threatening manner. He looks back at Jared. "I guess we'll have to name them."
"Uh." Jared shuffles awkwardly and avoids Jensen's gaze.
"You already named them," Jensen guesses, laughing.
"I've had them for two days and I felt weird calling them fish all the time," Jared says defensively. Because of course he would be talking to them.
"So? What are they?"
"The red one is Sam and the purple one is Dean."
It takes a lot for Jensen not to laugh at that. "Sam and Dean? Really?"
"You know, like Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin? They're badass."
"Yeah, I got the reference." Jensen turns back to the fish. "So wouldn't the red one technically be Sammy?"
"I suppose you can call him that." Jared wrinkles his nose. "I mean, they're your fish and all."
Jensen straightens and turns back to Jared, feeling ridiculously touched by the gift of fish. "Thanks, man. This is really cool."
"It's pretty lame." Jared says it like that doesn't particularly bother him, but Jensen shakes his head anyway.
"Not at all. It's the best birthday gift ever."
"Yeah, well." Jared seems to consider that for a moment and then his smile gets bigger. "Now it's time for your birthday spankings."
"Okay." Jensen laughs like it's a joke, which is a rookie Jared mistake. It is best to never assume Jared is joking. Jensen should know better. When he looks up, Jared already has his hand raised and Jensen gives an unmanly yelp and jumps out of range. "Jared, no!"
Jensen backpedals toward the bed and flops down on his back in an effort to protect himself. Jared lunges after him, accidentally kneeing his side and landing a blow on Jensen's thigh. They struggle as Jensen tries to grab Jared's wrist and Jared tries to turn Jensen over. When the dust settles, Jensen is still flat on his back and Jared is hovering over him. He's got Jensen's wrists pinned above his head and he's panting down at Jensen like he's not sure what to do with him now that he's got him there.
"I can't spank you like this." Jared's voice is low, with a rough edge which isn't the type of teasing Jensen thinks he was going for.
It takes one experimental tug for Jensen to determine that he really couldn't break Jared's grip if he tried and that hits him harder than he wants to admit. Jensen's attracted to Jared, that's not a new fact. He was attracted to him before he ever met him, but most of the time he can suppress that and it's not a big deal. Right now it's next to impossible to think about anything else.
But Jared is his roommate and his best friend and Jared has a boyfriend. Jensen might be able to ignore the first two in the moment, but he can't forget about the third. Of all the other things he has been and might still be, he will not be that guy. It's the line he can't cross and he's definitely not going to fuck with Jared's head just because he's currently feeling a little jealous. So he flexes against Jared's grip and says, "C'mon, Jay. Let me up."
Jared swallows audibly and gives a forced-looking smile as he lets Jensen go. "When you least expect it," he says as he sits up. It's clearly supposed to be a joke, but it falls a little flat.
By the time the pizza gets there, the rest of the cupcakes are frosted, Jared has showered and things are pretty much back to normal, enough that Jensen genuinely laughs when Jared says, "I see you're opting for the figurative spanking," as he fires up the Xbox.
They gorge themselves on pizza and cupcakes and play video games until well past midnight. "We both have places to be in the morning," Jensen points out as Jared goes to start another game.
"I know. Just one more." Jared's smile is so hopeful and fucking adorable that Jensen automatically agrees.
Before Jensen goes to bed, he calls in sick to work. He's never truly sick and he's only ever called in hung-over twice in the six years he's worked there, so he doesn't feel too bad about it. Luckily Sam is an awesome boss.
"Mmmhmm," she says in a bored tone. "Bet it's one of those twenty-four hour things."
"You betcha."
"Just get some sleep and your ass better be in here tomorrow."
"Thanks, Sam. You're the best." Jensen doesn't even mind that she hangs up on him. It's been one of his better birthdays.
Halfway through the summer, Jensen starts to think that Brock might be a permanent fixture in their lives. Jensen's pissed about having to share Jared for his birthday and they end up having the world's shittiest birthday party. It's Misha and Clare, Sophia and Chad, Jared and Brock, and Jensen and Matt Cohen. Matt is a guy from the university that Jensen occasionally fucks, because there's no way Jensen was going to go to a party with a bunch of couples alone.
The entire night is a disaster. Jared is unaccountably sullen and Brock is closed-lipped and unhappy. Matt's presence throws everything off further, because nobody knows him and even Jensen doesn't really talk to him much. They end up slipping outside to fool around in Matt's car halfway through the night, because there is only so much tension that Jensen can handle in such concentrated doses.
That's the last time Jensen has been invited to hang out when Brock is around, which is fine by him. It's not like he didn't try, but the kid doesn't like him and the feeling's quite mutual.
Jared and Brock spend most nights together and Jensen's not sure which he hates more—when Jared is gone, or when Brock is there. When Jared is gone, Jensen can go two or three days without seeing him unless he seeks him out on campus. When Brock stays at their place, Jensen sleeps with his earplugs in and still spends half the night imagining what they're doing in spite of himself. And when Brock stays over on Friday nights, Jensen gets to face him over breakfast the next day. Jensen's starting to hate the weekends.
He's fairly certain Jared knows how Jensen feels about his boyfriend because Jared seems to do his best to keep them away from each other and Jensen shows his appreciation by actively trying to be nice to Brock when he's around. It's not an ideal situation, but Jensen can cope. Jared's his friend and he seems genuinely happy, so Jensen can suck it up, even if he still secretly wishes that Jared would break up with him already on a daily basis.
Jensen can tell without checking that it is too early for him to be awake, especially since he's pretty sure it's a Saturday. He's not even sure what woke him up until he squints towards the door and sees a tall, Jared-shaped blur hovering. "Jared?"
"Hey," Jared whispers. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I'll just..." His voice sounds off somehow, but Jensen can't put his finger on it.
"Hold on." Jensen fumbles for his glasses and when he finally gets them on, he's surprised to see how awful Jared looks. "Jesus, what's wrong?"
"I, uh." Jared looks up at the ceiling like he's trying not to cry. "I had a bad dream." His voice goes up at the end like he's asking a question.
"Come on." Jensen motions with his head and throws back his blankets. There's obviously a story here, but Jensen sees no reason that they have to talk about it out of bed.
Jared doesn't protest at all, just pads over to the bed and crawls in, bringing the blankets up around his shoulders as he rolls on his side to face Jensen. His eyes are a little red, like maybe he has been crying, but Jensen honestly can't tell. "It's stupid," Jared says.
"Yeah, well, so's your face." Jensen smiles when Jared cracks a grin at that. "Come on, man. You're kind of freaking me out."
"I just." Jared takes a deep breath and lets it out. He smells like toothpaste. "I had this dream that you were in Texas and you were horseback riding and you got thrown off and—" He stops, takes another breath and closes his eyes. "I was reading about it in the paper and it said you were killed and I kept trying to call you and then I tried to call your mom and she wouldn't even talk to me and I couldn't find anything out and I. It really sucked," he finishes in a whisper, his voice strained.
"Jared," Jensen starts, but he actually isn't sure what to say about that.
"Anyway." Jared wipes his fingers over his closed eyes and then looks at Jensen again. "I was, like, mourning you in the dream and I woke up and it was just—" He makes an exploding noise and motions with his hand. "Overwhelming. So I got up because I didn't want to wake Brock up and I went downstairs to watch TV, but I couldn't shake it." He manages half a smile before his expression falls again. "So I came back up to check on you, I guess."
"I'm sorry," Jensen says. Jared's hand is spread on the mattress between them and Jensen covers it with his own, curling his fingers so that he can stroke Jared's palm. "That sounds pretty shitty."
"Yeah, it wasn't awesome," Jared agrees. "I know it's dumb, but I—"
"It's cool," Jensen rushes to assure him. "I would probably do the same thing."
"I could've waited for you to wake up."
"Yeah, well, I'm totally going back to sleep you know." Jensen grins and squeezes Jared's hand a little.
Jared nods and huffs out another deep breath. "Do you mind if I hang out for a few more minutes?"
"To watch me sleep? Of course. That's fine and not at all creepy."
"Thanks." The smile Jared gives him this time is genuine and Jensen doesn't have any trouble drifting off again, Jared's hand warm under his.
A knocking on the door wakes him up and Jensen frowns when he realizes he left his glasses on. He looks up to find Brock fully dressed, standing in the doorway to his bedroom.
"I'm going home," Brock says and it takes a minute for Jensen to realize Brock's not talking to him.
Jensen looks over to see Jared blinking in confusion, clearly trying to process what is happening. Brock turns around and walks away without another word. Jared runs his hand through his hair and looks at Jensen. "Shit."
"Well?" Jensen waits a beat and then smacks Jared's shoulder. "Go after him, dickhead."
"Shit!" Jared says again, scrambling out of bed.
The front door slams as Jared is still jogging down the stairs. It opens and closes again a few seconds later and Jensen wonders how many of their neighbors are currently witnessing Jared running after his boyfriend clad only in his Mickey Mouse boxers. Jensen hears Jared call Brock's name and a very distinct fuck you from Brock. He can't hear what Jared says after that, only the pleading undertone in the low rumble of his voice.
Despite the fact that he didn't actually do anything, Jensen feels incredibly guilty. He's never really had a reason to dislike Brock other than the fact that he takes up a significant amount of Jared's time and Jensen realizes how much of an asshole that makes him. He wants them to break up, but he doesn't really, because Jared has been happy with Brock. He especially doesn't want them to break up over something that was completely innocent, no matter how bad it looked.
It's only a few minutes before Jared comes back inside alone. While Jensen is still trying to decide if he should go down and talk to Jared or give him some space, Jared walks into his room and crawls back into bed with him. He flops onto his back, takes a deep breath and says, "Yeah, so that's over."
"That?"
"Me and Brock. That's over." Jared waves a hand in the air and then slaps his forehead. "Jesus, I'm an idiot."
"Are you sure? I mean, maybe once he's cooled down a little?"
"I'm pretty sure." Jared stares at the ceiling and laughs. "Apparently, leaving the bed that he was in to come fall asleep in yours falls under the deal breakers category."
"Did you tell him about the dream?" Jensen asks.
"Yep." Jared nods. "Didn't exactly work out in my favor, explaining my intense emotional reaction to my dream about you." He turns his head slightly so that he can look at Jensen. "You weren't exactly at the top of his list of most favorite people ever to begin with."
"Yeah, I noticed that." Jensen grimaces. "I'm sorry, Jay."
"Not really your fault." Jared shrugs.
"I mean the whole thing. I'm sorry you guys just broke up like that." Jensen stares at Jared's profile and frowns at his unhappy expression. "I know you liked him."
"We had a good time," Jared says quietly. He shrugs again and smiles weakly. "He wasn't like the love of my life or anything. It's fine." He takes a deep, shuddering breath, laughs on the exhale and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. "Christ, what a shitty morning."
"I'm sorry," Jensen says again. "Tell you what, I'm gonna go down and make waffles and bacon for breakfast and then tonight we will go out and get really trashed. How does that sound?"
"Do we have whipped cream?"
"I think there's some Cool Whip in the freezer. Or I can run to QFC."
Jared shakes his head. "Cool Whip is fine." He lets his arms drop and looks over at Jensen again. "Could we maybe just stay home and get trashed, though? I don't really feel like going out."
"Sure. I'll go get some food and hit up the liquor store later. Any special requests?"
"A puppy?" Jared asks with a little smile.
"Nice try." Jensen rolls out of bed and pulls on his pajama pants.
"Yeah, I figured if you were ever gonna say yes, this might be the time." Jared sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. "I suppose the waffles and bacon will have to do for now."
"You got it." Jensen pulls on a cleanish t-shirt and is about to head downstairs when Jared says his name again. "Yeah?" he asks, turning back towards him.
Jared is still sitting up in Jensen's bed, leaning forward, his arms hooked around his bent knees. He makes a pretty picture with his tousled hair and miles of golden skin against Jensen's green sheets. In fact, at the moment Jared looks absolutely gorgeous and for the first time in a long while, Jensen's fingers itch for his camera so that he can capture it.
"Thanks," Jared says with a vague wave of his hand. "For everything. I appreciate it."
"Sure." Jensen wants to laugh. Only Jared would thank him for helping with the fallout of a break up that he's, at least indirectly, responsible for. "Any time, man." And then he heads downstairs before he can start to notice again how good Jared looks in his bed.
They start drinking around five. It's a little early, maybe, but they've got the booze and no place to go, so there's really no reason to delay the celebration any. They're stretched out on opposite ends of the couch with the bottle of whiskey on the floor between them. Jensen's feet are tucked against Jared's hip and the pillow and Jared's got one foot on the floor, the other bent, his toes under Jensen's thigh.
At first, Jared had tried to insist on tequila, but Jensen had talked him out of it. While whiskey might make him morose, everything looks a thousand times worse on the bad side of a tequila drunk. Tequila is not for break-ups. Jensen learned that the hard way.
He's been trying to keep Jared distracted by telling crazy, amusing stories. Most of them involve Misha in some way because Misha provides endless fodder for that sort of thing. Jared even gets into it a little, sharing some stories about Chad, which makes Jensen wonder if Chad is Jared's Misha.
It's a weird thought and he eyes his glass, thinking that maybe he should have been keeping track of the number of drinks he's had. There's really no reason that he has to get blindingly shitfaced. He doesn't really have any sorrows to drown at the moment.
"Hey, so I have a question." Jared wiggles his toes under Jensen's leg.
"Shoot." Jensen leans forward to grab the bottle. He figures he's already this far gone, what's the point in stopping now?
"Do you believe in love? Like, with all the romantic trappings. That one person you want to be with all the time." Jared looks down at his glass and frowns. "Do you think it's possible, that it's out there? Or do you think it's just a story we tell ourselves?"
Suddenly Jensen is glad he's as drunk as he is already. "I do think it's possible," he says slowly. "I think, yeah. I think it's out there. I think maybe I had it once and I walked away because I was too stupid to know better."
"You're gonna have to tell me about that sometime," Jared says quietly.
Jensen nods. "Maybe I will. Sometime." He looks up at Jared and smiles. "But tonight is about your romantic failings."
"Thanks for that, man. Cheers." Jared leans forward and Jensen meets him the rest of the way, clinking their glasses together. After taking a sip of his whiskey, Jared considers Jensen again. "Alright, how about this? First guy you ever..."
"Ever?" Jensen raises his eyebrows. "Kissed? Fucked? Dated?"
"Experience. Fooled around with. Whatever." Jared waves his hand. "I assume you didn't do a lot of gay dating in high school."
"Safe assumption to make." Jensen tops his drink off again and sits back. "First guy, first kiss, first a lot of things. That'd be Marc Blucas." He looks down at his hands and smiles. Jesus, it's been years since he's thought about Marc.
"Junior year of high school I go to visit my brother at college. He's living in an apartment with this guy, Marc. Gorgeous, clean-cut, All-American, Abercombie looking sort of guy. Big, too. Much bigger than I was, anyway."
"So, a walking wet dream," Jared says.
"Yeah." Jensen laughs and nods. "Yeah, pretty much. At the time, I was only starting to come to terms with everything. Figuring out that this attraction to guys wasn't going to go away no matter how hard I tried. I hadn't even thought about telling anyone else yet. So I go to visit my brother and Marc is there and the guy has my number in, like, two seconds."
Jensen still remembers exactly how he felt in that moment, shaking Marc's hand. The way his fingertips stroked over Jensen's palm and the quick little smile he gave him. He remembers how he knew that Marc knew. How jittery and on-edge he was that whole first night because of it.
"Next day, my brother goes to class and I'm home alone with Marc. Within ten minutes of Josh leaving, we were up in Marc's room and he's nailing me through the mattress." Jensen grins and shakes his head. "It was a Goddamn revelation. Left absolutely zero doubts in my mind as to what I wanted. That whole week, every time Josh left the house we went at it and Josh, bless his heart, had absolutely no clue." He considers that for a moment. "Which is probably good. I don't think he would have handled it well at the time. Actually, I'm not sure how well he'd handle that info now."
When Jensen looks up, he's surprised to find Jared frowning at him. "What?"
"How old were you?"
"Seventeen."
"And how old was he?"
"Um." Jensen has to think about it. "Twenty-two. Twenty-three, maybe? Why?"
"I dunno." Jared shrugs and looks down. "Just seems a little predatory to me."
Jensen laughs. "Predatory? Yeah, maybe. But c'mon. We were in Texas. The guy was Narnia-deep in the closet and I was pretty much gagging for it at that point. For all the drawbacks to dudes who are that repressed, when they let loose it is a glorious thing. Still rates as the second-best sex of my life."
"Uh, what about you?" Jensen asks when Jared continues to frown at him and say nothing.
"Guy I went to high school with, Ryan Sypek. We weren't really friends, but we ended up at the same party one night." Jared holds up his glass and then takes a drink. "Both a little tipsy and we ended up making out for, like, an hour in the bathroom. After that we kept meeting up places, accidentally on purpose. At school or wherever. Kiss and jack each other off. It never went further than that, but, yeah. He was the first."
"Huh."
"What?"
Jensen shrugs. "I guess I was maybe expecting you to have a sweet puppy love first time story. Some boy next door or something."
"I grew up in Texas too, Jensen." Jared shifts in his seat. "Just because I was able to tell my parents, it doesn't mean I was exactly out and proud at sixteen."
"I know, I just—" Jensen wiggles his foot against Jared's side. "You deserve to have all of those stupid cliché things. It bums me out that you didn't."
Jared grabs Jensen's foot with his free hand and says, "You didn't have them either."
"Yeah, but I'm not you." Jensen smirks and looks away. "To Texas. For making us the men we are today."
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