SPN Coda: 5x02
Sep. 16th, 2009 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
errant_janeOMG U GUYS! This time I'd actually gone to bed. I got back up. Oh, Show! What do you do to me?
Good God, Y'all Coda
***
Dean sits there for awhile, the sun beating down on his back, and thinks about nothing, forcefully and with everything he has. He imagines the inside of his skull as an eggshell, a smooth, white void.
The sun has shifted in the sky by the time he unclenches his mind enough to notice. The sounds of nature surround him and nothing else. It is beautiful and peaceful and so fucking empty.
Sam is gone. He allows himself to think it. Rolls it around and wonders when it will feel real. "Sam is gone," he says out loud. It's for the best.
This feels like even more of a lie.
So he tries something else. "Cas." And then he remembers that he's hidden from Castiel now.
Bobby is in a hospital, locked in a broken frame that Dean could have fixed. Could have gotten fixed. Castiel is off somewhere and, even if Dean should need him, he has no idea how to get a hold of him. Dean doesn't need him, but he wouldn't mind the company. And Sam...
Sam is gone.
He's been to hell and back, has lived through things that would make most grown men weep like babies, but it isn't until this moment that he realizes his worst fear has finally come true.
Dean is completely and utterly alone.
The tide he expects to swallow him at the thought never comes. Dean is alone and he feels nothing.
He stands slowly and walks toward the Impala. "At least I still have you, huh, sweetheart?" The question falls flat, and for the first time, he looks and sees nothing but a stupid car.
Laughter swells and bubbles in his chest. Oh, the tide is there, Dean thinks. It's gonna be a goddamn bitch when it hits. The silver lining, of course, is that when it does hit – when Dean breaks completely – at least no one will be around to see it.
***
I have to get up at 5 a.m., y'all. What am I doing?
Good God, Y'all Coda
***
Dean sits there for awhile, the sun beating down on his back, and thinks about nothing, forcefully and with everything he has. He imagines the inside of his skull as an eggshell, a smooth, white void.
The sun has shifted in the sky by the time he unclenches his mind enough to notice. The sounds of nature surround him and nothing else. It is beautiful and peaceful and so fucking empty.
Sam is gone. He allows himself to think it. Rolls it around and wonders when it will feel real. "Sam is gone," he says out loud. It's for the best.
This feels like even more of a lie.
So he tries something else. "Cas." And then he remembers that he's hidden from Castiel now.
Bobby is in a hospital, locked in a broken frame that Dean could have fixed. Could have gotten fixed. Castiel is off somewhere and, even if Dean should need him, he has no idea how to get a hold of him. Dean doesn't need him, but he wouldn't mind the company. And Sam...
Sam is gone.
He's been to hell and back, has lived through things that would make most grown men weep like babies, but it isn't until this moment that he realizes his worst fear has finally come true.
Dean is completely and utterly alone.
The tide he expects to swallow him at the thought never comes. Dean is alone and he feels nothing.
He stands slowly and walks toward the Impala. "At least I still have you, huh, sweetheart?" The question falls flat, and for the first time, he looks and sees nothing but a stupid car.
Laughter swells and bubbles in his chest. Oh, the tide is there, Dean thinks. It's gonna be a goddamn bitch when it hits. The silver lining, of course, is that when it does hit – when Dean breaks completely – at least no one will be around to see it.
***
I have to get up at 5 a.m., y'all. What am I doing?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 04:54 am (UTC)!!! Awwwww, Dean! god, break my heart AGAIN tonight why don't you?
(omg, go to bed! *I* am up past my bedtime and do not have to get up at 5. good lord.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 05:03 am (UTC)This was sooo lovely and sad and RIGHT. This is exactly what Dean was thinking after Sam left, and he was just sitting there all alone...... *wibbles*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 05:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 05:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 05:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 05:23 am (UTC)*sniffle*
This is beautiful.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 06:54 am (UTC)Dean angst is so pretty...
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 07:03 am (UTC)Yet also awesome.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 09:17 am (UTC)*cough*
Oh sweetybear. I want to hug you, even though you're being so epically, terribly stiff-upper-lippy in the worst of ways.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 10:29 am (UTC)Heh. Okay, I totally read that in a Ralphie Wiggum voice in my head. HILARIOUS!!!
This was sooo lovely and sad and RIGHT. This is exactly what Dean was thinking after Sam left, and he was just sitting there all alone...... *wibbles*
Aww, thank you!!! Is true! Dean is very, very sad!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 04:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 07:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:49 pm (UTC)Well, I tried!!!
(omg, go to bed! *I* am up past my bedtime and do not have to get up at 5. good lord.)
At least it was Friday? Yeah, bad call on my part and yet, I'm almost certain next week will be exactly the same. I have no self-control where these boys are concerned.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:53 pm (UTC)Sometimes I think this show exists to make us cry.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:56 pm (UTC)He really, really does.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:57 pm (UTC)*beams* Thank you!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:58 pm (UTC)Dean angsts pretty. True stories.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-18 11:59 pm (UTC)Your icon makes me laugh.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 12:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 12:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 12:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-19 12:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-21 12:20 am (UTC)I don't think I'd care so much if he didn't look like Jensen Ackles.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-21 12:32 am (UTC)That Jensen Ackles certainly is an attractive fellow, I will give you that.