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errant_janeOKAY HIA U GUYZ! I'm having a rock star weekend, which means I had to clean the house last night. Whatevs. I was gonna write gremlin!Misha for his birthday and discuss the results of my poll, but I ultimately decided that gremlin!Misha was just too absurd to contemplate. May still do poll results discussion at some point.
Anyway, I wrote this instead. JSYK, this is the story I consider less absurd than gremlin!Misha. I am not giving it a title because that would validate it in a way that should NEVER HAPPEN! (If you are looking for some Jensen/Misha porn instead, this post is relevant to your interests.)
***
Misha spends his thirty-fifth birthday as a unicorn.
He'd hoped to get out of filming, but had to come in to redo one scene that they couldn’t quite get yesterday and really, Jared can die a thousand fiery deaths for starting the whole ass-grabbing thing. Not that Misha usually minds, but as a direct result, he changes into a unicorn on the set of Supernatural. In front of everybody.
He only wishes he could say that this is the most absurd thing that's ever happened to him.
Among other things, he has spent birthdays as both The Pillsbury Doughboy and the Care Bare with the cloud on it's stomach. Those may have been consecutive birthdays. It took Misha a little while to get over the tummy complex it gave him.
Jared is the first to break the stunned silence. By laughing. A lot. The rest of the set pauses for another moment and then explodes with a flurry of noise and activity of a “What the hell just happened?” variety.
His mom told him once that he was a changeling, but he's pretty sure that's not how it works. But maybe it is. He has yet to come up with a better explanation, anyway.
Jensen is the only one who actually approaches him. He stares at him for a moment before lifting a hand. "May I?" he says, his hand hovering uncertainly. Misha lowers his head in permission because it's Jensen, who strokes his fingers lightly over Misha’s horn and says, "I kind of want to ride you."
While the statement itself is endlessly delightful, the context leaves something to be desired.
***
Misha finds a mirror because he is as curious as anyone else would be as to what he looks like as a unicorn. His horn is gold, his fur (Hair? He’s not sure about unicorn pelt terminology) is white and sparkles like a twipire in the sun.
It is entirely possible that Misha has gone slightly overboard in his pop culture awareness.
His mane and tail are rainbow colored and his hooves are iridescent. His eyes are a sparkling violet fringed by eyelashes that are both thick and ridiculously long.
“You’re like the gayest unicorn ever, dude.” This is Jared being helpful.
Misha tries to glare at him, which results in a rainbowgasm shooting from the tip of his horn.
He couldn't say for certain, but if Misha had to make an educated guess, he would say that Jared's glee at this reaches such a level that he actually gets hard from it.
The problem, Misha has found over the years, with transforming into a magical being is that you don’t quite master your powers until it’s time to change back. What Misha wouldn’t give to transform into a leprechaun again. Jared wouldn’t be quite so amused.
Well, he might initially. But eventually he would be less amused.
Misha briefly considers impaling him with his horn, but ultimately decides against it if for no other reason than that it’d be kind of gross. Plus, it's probably hard to get blood out of sparkle-fur without the benefit of opposable thumbs.
***
Despite the commotion that turning into a unicorn causes, everyone has to get back to work if they're going to finish this episode and Misha is pretty much stuck on set.
Have you ever considered the logistics of getting a unicorn from a television set to his domicile without drawing undue attention?
Misha has.
So he watches them film and accepts the cupcakes that Jensen brings him in between scenes. They are rainbow cupcakes with sprinkles on top. For his birthday. Jared is filming stuff with his camcorder for the Season five gag reel in his free moments and somewhere Satan is laughing his ass off.
While everybody's busy blocking a scene, he thinks about sneaking into Jared's trailer and eating all of his gummy worms, a) because Jared is a dick and b) because gummy worms sound kind of good right now. Ultimately he decides against it, figuring he's too big to actually get into Jared's trailer and maneuver with any sort of finesse. He would most likely end up with his rainbowed ass hanging out of trailer door, his pretty hooves hovering three inches off the ground.
Jared does not need to be handed that sort of fodder.
***
Despite being in most every scene, Jensen manages to procure a horse trailer by the end of the day, which means that he can take Misha back to his house. Jensen is practical in unconventional ways. It's one of the things Misha appreciates about him.
"Sorry about, y'know, having to ride in there," Jensen says.
Misha suddenly pictures himself riding shotgun like a dog, his hind legs splayed out in front of him, his front legs planted on the floor, hanging his giant unicorn head out the window. He concedes that there are some amusing aspects to his transformation from an outside perspective.
Nobody seems to notice them on the drive home, which is either due to some unicorn mojo or that northwest mentality of people minding their own business no matter what. The exception to this is a little girl riding in the backseat of a blue station wagon.
"MOMMY! THERE'S A UNICORN!" she shouts and points as they pull up next to the car at a stoplight.
"That's nice, honey. Don't yell," the mother says blandly. She doesn't even pretend to look.
Misha winks at the little girl and she claps with delight.
***
They hit a minor snag they when the get to Misha's place. They haven't quite made it into the house as his neighbor steps out of hers and spots them. She drops her keys and stares at them, obviously flustered.
Next to him, Jensen chuckles and gives her a sheepish grin. "Sometimes our prank wars get out of hand." He slaps Misha's flank and says, "How awesome is our special effects department, though?"
She hurries back into her house without saying a word. Her keys are still on the ground.
"Good luck explaining that later," Jensen tells him as he opens the door, laughing. "So what do you want to do?"
They end up watching True Blood, which had just arrived via netflix. Jensen MST2Ks his way through the first four episodes. As it turns out, Jensen's uninterrupted stream-of-consciousness bullshit is goddamn hilarious. Misha, being privy to his own thoughts 100% of the time, knows from goddamn hilarious.
"Do you think I'd make a good vampire?" Jensen asks at one point. Bill and Sookie are on screen, so neither of them is really paying attention. "I think I might." Then, "I bet you would."
Which sounds good in theory, but in reality is a lot more complicated.
You bite a girl and drink her blood one time during sex and she freaks out and breaks up with you, all, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and "I'm going to be permanently scarred!"
Misha still isn't sure whether she meant mentally or physically. Probably both. Which was a shame because up until that point, it had been one of his better birthdays. It was fine until she saw the bite marks. More than fine. Pretty fuckin' awesome, really. That memory, up until the ranting, is still in the bank.
"Oh, shit. I almost forgot," Jensen says, reaching into his man-purse. (Man's carry-all, Jensen insists when Jared and Misha tease him about it.) He pulls out a gigantic bag of gummy worms. "Took 'em from Jared's trailer. He has no candy left."
Jensen, Misha thinks, is going to get a fantastic Christmas present. And a pass on the next six really devious pranks that occur to Misha.
"Oh, come on!" Jensen yells at the television, then grins. "I like how he sounds like he's saying 'Suck it' every time he says her name."
Misha chews his gummy worms thoughtfully. He agrees.
***
The second transformation happens with a lot less fanfare than the first. Jensen is passed out on the couch, but wakes up at the loud pop that signals Misha's return to form. Luckily, the clothes have always been a part of his shifting and he's still wearing Castiel's signature look.
"So," Jensen says, rubbing his eyes blearily.
"I transform into some sort of imaginary being on my birthday."
"Thought something like that was the case."
Misha watches him for a moment and then says, "I must admit, you handled it with a disturbing amount of aplomb."
Jensen shrugs. "I had a girlfriend once who turned into a lemur on Arbor Day. Should I put in the next disc?"
"Sure." Misha shrugs off the trench coat as he settles onto the couch and then looks around. "Are there any gummy worms left?" Considering the amount of sugar he's consumed today, he doesn't feel too awful. Might as well glut while he can.
"If I recall correctly, this is the episode where it starts to get good," Jensen says as he sits back down. He tosses the bag of gummies at Misha's chest.
This amuses Misha, as he was unaware that Jensen had watched this before.
"Out of curiosity, what were you last year?"
"A merman," Misha admits.
Jensen snorts and grins. "I'm sorry I missed that."
"I spent the whole day in the bathtub. You didn't miss much." Besides the complete awkward ordeal of getting to the bathtub after the transformation.
"Huh," is Jensen's only reply.
Misha spends the bulk of his thirty-fifth birthday as a unicorn and ends it watching the world's lamest vampires with Jensen and eating Jared's stash of gummy worms.
All things considered, he's marking this one down as a win.
***
Yeah, I went there. It's probably lucky for y'all that I can't update or access lj from work. Though likely as not, instead of shit like this you'd get cleavage updates. "From current vantage point, boobies look fantastic. FYI!!"
I should not be held responsible for the things I am forced to come up with to entertain myself at work.
Anyway, I wrote this instead. JSYK, this is the story I consider less absurd than gremlin!Misha. I am not giving it a title because that would validate it in a way that should NEVER HAPPEN! (If you are looking for some Jensen/Misha porn instead, this post is relevant to your interests.)
***
Misha spends his thirty-fifth birthday as a unicorn.
He'd hoped to get out of filming, but had to come in to redo one scene that they couldn’t quite get yesterday and really, Jared can die a thousand fiery deaths for starting the whole ass-grabbing thing. Not that Misha usually minds, but as a direct result, he changes into a unicorn on the set of Supernatural. In front of everybody.
He only wishes he could say that this is the most absurd thing that's ever happened to him.
Among other things, he has spent birthdays as both The Pillsbury Doughboy and the Care Bare with the cloud on it's stomach. Those may have been consecutive birthdays. It took Misha a little while to get over the tummy complex it gave him.
Jared is the first to break the stunned silence. By laughing. A lot. The rest of the set pauses for another moment and then explodes with a flurry of noise and activity of a “What the hell just happened?” variety.
His mom told him once that he was a changeling, but he's pretty sure that's not how it works. But maybe it is. He has yet to come up with a better explanation, anyway.
Jensen is the only one who actually approaches him. He stares at him for a moment before lifting a hand. "May I?" he says, his hand hovering uncertainly. Misha lowers his head in permission because it's Jensen, who strokes his fingers lightly over Misha’s horn and says, "I kind of want to ride you."
While the statement itself is endlessly delightful, the context leaves something to be desired.
***
Misha finds a mirror because he is as curious as anyone else would be as to what he looks like as a unicorn. His horn is gold, his fur (Hair? He’s not sure about unicorn pelt terminology) is white and sparkles like a twipire in the sun.
It is entirely possible that Misha has gone slightly overboard in his pop culture awareness.
His mane and tail are rainbow colored and his hooves are iridescent. His eyes are a sparkling violet fringed by eyelashes that are both thick and ridiculously long.
“You’re like the gayest unicorn ever, dude.” This is Jared being helpful.
Misha tries to glare at him, which results in a rainbowgasm shooting from the tip of his horn.
He couldn't say for certain, but if Misha had to make an educated guess, he would say that Jared's glee at this reaches such a level that he actually gets hard from it.
The problem, Misha has found over the years, with transforming into a magical being is that you don’t quite master your powers until it’s time to change back. What Misha wouldn’t give to transform into a leprechaun again. Jared wouldn’t be quite so amused.
Well, he might initially. But eventually he would be less amused.
Misha briefly considers impaling him with his horn, but ultimately decides against it if for no other reason than that it’d be kind of gross. Plus, it's probably hard to get blood out of sparkle-fur without the benefit of opposable thumbs.
***
Despite the commotion that turning into a unicorn causes, everyone has to get back to work if they're going to finish this episode and Misha is pretty much stuck on set.
Have you ever considered the logistics of getting a unicorn from a television set to his domicile without drawing undue attention?
Misha has.
So he watches them film and accepts the cupcakes that Jensen brings him in between scenes. They are rainbow cupcakes with sprinkles on top. For his birthday. Jared is filming stuff with his camcorder for the Season five gag reel in his free moments and somewhere Satan is laughing his ass off.
While everybody's busy blocking a scene, he thinks about sneaking into Jared's trailer and eating all of his gummy worms, a) because Jared is a dick and b) because gummy worms sound kind of good right now. Ultimately he decides against it, figuring he's too big to actually get into Jared's trailer and maneuver with any sort of finesse. He would most likely end up with his rainbowed ass hanging out of trailer door, his pretty hooves hovering three inches off the ground.
Jared does not need to be handed that sort of fodder.
***
Despite being in most every scene, Jensen manages to procure a horse trailer by the end of the day, which means that he can take Misha back to his house. Jensen is practical in unconventional ways. It's one of the things Misha appreciates about him.
"Sorry about, y'know, having to ride in there," Jensen says.
Misha suddenly pictures himself riding shotgun like a dog, his hind legs splayed out in front of him, his front legs planted on the floor, hanging his giant unicorn head out the window. He concedes that there are some amusing aspects to his transformation from an outside perspective.
Nobody seems to notice them on the drive home, which is either due to some unicorn mojo or that northwest mentality of people minding their own business no matter what. The exception to this is a little girl riding in the backseat of a blue station wagon.
"MOMMY! THERE'S A UNICORN!" she shouts and points as they pull up next to the car at a stoplight.
"That's nice, honey. Don't yell," the mother says blandly. She doesn't even pretend to look.
Misha winks at the little girl and she claps with delight.
***
They hit a minor snag they when the get to Misha's place. They haven't quite made it into the house as his neighbor steps out of hers and spots them. She drops her keys and stares at them, obviously flustered.
Next to him, Jensen chuckles and gives her a sheepish grin. "Sometimes our prank wars get out of hand." He slaps Misha's flank and says, "How awesome is our special effects department, though?"
She hurries back into her house without saying a word. Her keys are still on the ground.
"Good luck explaining that later," Jensen tells him as he opens the door, laughing. "So what do you want to do?"
They end up watching True Blood, which had just arrived via netflix. Jensen MST2Ks his way through the first four episodes. As it turns out, Jensen's uninterrupted stream-of-consciousness bullshit is goddamn hilarious. Misha, being privy to his own thoughts 100% of the time, knows from goddamn hilarious.
"Do you think I'd make a good vampire?" Jensen asks at one point. Bill and Sookie are on screen, so neither of them is really paying attention. "I think I might." Then, "I bet you would."
Which sounds good in theory, but in reality is a lot more complicated.
You bite a girl and drink her blood one time during sex and she freaks out and breaks up with you, all, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" and "I'm going to be permanently scarred!"
Misha still isn't sure whether she meant mentally or physically. Probably both. Which was a shame because up until that point, it had been one of his better birthdays. It was fine until she saw the bite marks. More than fine. Pretty fuckin' awesome, really. That memory, up until the ranting, is still in the bank.
"Oh, shit. I almost forgot," Jensen says, reaching into his man-purse. (Man's carry-all, Jensen insists when Jared and Misha tease him about it.) He pulls out a gigantic bag of gummy worms. "Took 'em from Jared's trailer. He has no candy left."
Jensen, Misha thinks, is going to get a fantastic Christmas present. And a pass on the next six really devious pranks that occur to Misha.
"Oh, come on!" Jensen yells at the television, then grins. "I like how he sounds like he's saying 'Suck it' every time he says her name."
Misha chews his gummy worms thoughtfully. He agrees.
***
The second transformation happens with a lot less fanfare than the first. Jensen is passed out on the couch, but wakes up at the loud pop that signals Misha's return to form. Luckily, the clothes have always been a part of his shifting and he's still wearing Castiel's signature look.
"So," Jensen says, rubbing his eyes blearily.
"I transform into some sort of imaginary being on my birthday."
"Thought something like that was the case."
Misha watches him for a moment and then says, "I must admit, you handled it with a disturbing amount of aplomb."
Jensen shrugs. "I had a girlfriend once who turned into a lemur on Arbor Day. Should I put in the next disc?"
"Sure." Misha shrugs off the trench coat as he settles onto the couch and then looks around. "Are there any gummy worms left?" Considering the amount of sugar he's consumed today, he doesn't feel too awful. Might as well glut while he can.
"If I recall correctly, this is the episode where it starts to get good," Jensen says as he sits back down. He tosses the bag of gummies at Misha's chest.
This amuses Misha, as he was unaware that Jensen had watched this before.
"Out of curiosity, what were you last year?"
"A merman," Misha admits.
Jensen snorts and grins. "I'm sorry I missed that."
"I spent the whole day in the bathtub. You didn't miss much." Besides the complete awkward ordeal of getting to the bathtub after the transformation.
"Huh," is Jensen's only reply.
Misha spends the bulk of his thirty-fifth birthday as a unicorn and ends it watching the world's lamest vampires with Jensen and eating Jared's stash of gummy worms.
All things considered, he's marking this one down as a win.
***
Yeah, I went there. It's probably lucky for y'all that I can't update or access lj from work. Though likely as not, instead of shit like this you'd get cleavage updates. "From current vantage point, boobies look fantastic. FYI!!"
I should not be held responsible for the things I am forced to come up with to entertain myself at work.
